Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Too fat to graduate? Really? Lincoln U, YOU FAIL.

For those of you who have been to college, you know the plethora of stupid requirements that schools have for you to graduate. For me, it was some stupid requirement that we pass a "swim test"... swimming 3 laps in a pool. If you couldn't do it, then you had to take a semester of swimming. The reason for this dumb requirement harkens back to World War II and the fact that many of the graduates from Cornell were more than likely going to be required to serve in the Navy as officers, and thus must be able to swim.

It was stupid... but it applied to everyone. More of a nuisance than anything really.

However, Liconln University near my hometown of Philadelphia, PA has taken stupid requirements to the next ridiculous level. Apparently, if you are a student with a BMI over 30, you cannot graduate unless you take a physical education class. Period. Now, this doesn't apply to EVERY student... just the fatties.

Check out this vid:

Wow,Lincoln.... for real? YOU FAIL. You wanna know why? Besides being blatant discrimination and setting yourself up for a lawsuit or 50, your logic is faulty.

1. BMI has been criticized as a useless measure for assessing the health of individuals. BMI is calculated by taking your weight in kilograms and dividing it by the square of your height in cm... or something like that. The problem with BMI is that it doesn't take into account lean muscle mass, which everyone knows, weighs more than fat. Thus, atheletes, body builders and people who are just more 'muscle-ey' (like myself) are categoriezed as overweight/obese/morbidly obese... even though they are potentially more fit than someone with a 'normal' BMI.

::aside:: I really do not look like I weigh. I weight train 5 days a week and played soccer for 9 years... I can bench press my husband. Once. With great effort. I may burst a blood vessel in my eye trying... But I can do it. And he's not a small dude.

It also fails to take into account metabolic factors such as blood pressure, gluose tolerance and resting heart rate... all of which are much more highly correlated to a person's individual health than their weight.

Its a population measure... and a failure at that as well.

2. The professor states the policy is in response to a health disparity problem. I call bullshiggidy. Shenanigans. Foolywang. Here's why. Lincoln U, for those who don't know, is a Historically Black University. It follows that most of the students there are going to be Black. There are several studies that have come out suggesting that Black people in general have higher BMIs than other races/ethnicities regardless of fitness level or even clothing size, because IN GENERAL they have more muscle mass. For example a black woman and a white woman could both conceviably wear a size 8. However, due to actual body composition, the BMI of the black woman is going to be higher. So you are essentially using a flawed metric to address a 'false' disparity. Yeah... miss me with that. Also, you are discriminating against a group of people who already experience discrimination.

For real... fat people know they are fat. Stop making them feel bad about it. And stop standing in the way of them graduating.

3. The professor also said that they are trying to help students to be able to succed in their careers and futures by requiring them to take this class. As much as I abhor Fox News and their minions, this reporter hit the nail on the head: They've effectivly cemented the falsehood that fatties are lazy, stupid and can't possibly hold down a job or be successful.

Hmmmm... this smacks of a similar falsehood perpetuated about a group that, because of their physical characteristics, couldn't possibly make it through the rigors of higher education. Hmmm... what was that group again? Oh yeah. Black People.

What in the actual fuck, Lincoln?

4. Many colleges have physical education requirements... for the entire student body. My school made us take two semesters of physical education, regardless of body type. So Lincoln, why just the fatties? Lack of resources? Seriously? If you didn't have enough physical eduation teachers to institute this policy then why did you do it? Seems kind of ass backwards to me. Besides, there is no requirement for students who are 'underweight' to attend classes on eating disorders... but the fatties have to work up a sweat. Lady Cameroon o_O @ y'all.

For these four reasons, in my humble opine, Lincoln U can SAT ALL THE WAY DOWN and take a nice long sip of SHUT YOUR ENTIRE ASSES UP. I agree with the student body and munch on this chicken wing in solidarity with them.

The Palin-ites are coming! The Palin-ites are coming! Run for your lives!!!!

I'm sorry family. Sometimes ... I mean, they just make it so EASY!!!

The Palinites/Teabaggers/Brainwashed masses...

I'm getting the heezy out of America on the first thing smokin. At the very least, I'm not going anywhere near Columbus, OH. You can't pay me enough. I can't be in the presence of that much blithe and willful ignorance. It would kill me.

Check this vid (WARNING: Not for people who feel physical pain whenever they hear pure unadulterated stupidity. I'm not going to be responsible for putting people in the hospital. And you can't sue me... ain't got nothin.)

I was going to do a play by play of the sheer awesomeness of the stupidity in this vidja, but several things happened that prevented this:

1. I developed a severe migraine from constantly banging my head against my desk every time someone said something utterly ridiculous. Someone should have told me this game isn't as much fun if you're not drinking.

2. I got a hand cramp from taking notes on the amount of dumb shit to comment on. I filled two pages of my legal pad before the cramp set in though.

3. I didn't get all the way through the vid. My consciousness couldn't take it.

So what I am going to do is give you some 'lowlights' and the general feel I got from this vid.

GENERAL FEEL: Teabaggers done drank the Kool-Aid with cyanide, yet they refuse to just die already. Every single one of them was spouting rhetoric they have heard, yet could not provide policies, directives, hell... a cogent argument about... well... anything. I wonder if any of them know what a 'cogent argument' is....


There were so many... but the most cringe-worthy for me happened between 4:11 and 5:24. In these 73 seconds:

1. BHO is Naturalizing Illegal Aliens- um what? Since when? Why have I not heard about this?! I think what they meant is BHO is naturalizing non white people who are eligible under the Constitution and its amendments to become U.S. citizens. Newsflash Johnny Rocket-- they probably know more about America than YOU do. They had to take a test. You were just born into it, you luck bastard you. The panic surrounding immigrants in this country is ASTOUNDING. Could it be because... you know what? I'm not gonna speculate. I'ma just call em like I see em-- xenophobia/ racism/ ethnocentrism anyone?

2. Not enough 'white votes'- a spin off of the "Naturalization of those Got Darn Illegals Who Aren't Pure White God-Fearing Folk Like Us" idea. Palin won't get enough votes to become President because the white population is dwindling faster than my brain cells did while watching this vidja. Yeah.....

3. The president is not a citizen! Enough already with this one! His birth records have been subpoenaed, examined, copied and vetted more thoroughly than Palin was when she was named as McCain's running mate. Y'all mad, ain't ya? Mad that a negro hooligan is in the white house. Because there couldn't possibly be a natural U.S. Born person of any other race or ethnicity with
The Stuff to handle the reins of your precious America? AMIRITE?

3. There needs to be "profiling"- I'mma spend some time on this because I feel like people want to ignore this GiNORMOUS WHITE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM. Let me say it in plain English. Racism isn't dead. It never died. It was in sleep mode. Oh sure, there were pockets of crazies like the KKK and Neo-Nazis that we could write off as just that... crazy. Because they were so extreme it was laughable. Even these "regular" folk laughed at them because they were total nutjobs. But then we get a Black president and all of a sudden, we hear ordinary American folks saying things like "We need profiling! All this political correctness has to go! She sticks up for American (read: white) people! American's first, everyone else after us!"
Pssst.... Hey!! Palinites/Teabaggers? Your bigotry is showing. You might wanna pull your skirts down/pants up. Just thought we (the others) would let you know. Stay classy though.

4. "The state she governed was right across the street from Russia. She had boundary issues she had to deal with." Ya' know... cuz those crazy Russians were just LOOKING to cross the 'street' (do you think he could have meant the Bering Strait) and just take over AMERICA through Alaska. Cuz you know, Alaska is contiguous with..... Canada. And we all know Canada is the 52nd state right behind Puerto Rico. (iCan't... the STUPID... it BURNS.)

5. The Alaskan governor (which she no longer is) gets top level security. That's right... eff the secret service. The Alaska Governor gets the Super Duper Secret Service. Extra special protection. The President ain't even CLOSE to being important enough to warrant this top level security detail. This security is so tight, it just sh!ts all over the Secret Service. Compared to this "top level security" the Secret Service are like a bunch of mall security guards (no offense to my mall security guard followers). Mmmm hmmm... o_________O <- extra-long side eye

It took me 2 hours to make it through this eight minute vid. Because my tolerance for stupid wouldn't allow me to subject myself to it all at once.

I'll let you watch it and see what other gems I skipped over (on purpose). There are tons.

But the last line is telling "I think you're going to see crowds like this wherever she goes."

If this is the case, I'm either going to have to start firebombing, or get the h*ll out of here.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Why I'm not sure I want to see The Blind Side

I love a heart warming and uplifting film as much as the next girl... but I don't know if I want to see this movie. I might, just for the purpose of being fair... and because its a football movie, and I'm with a man who lives and breathes football, I'll be roped into going.
But the basic premise of this film disturbs me. Check the trailer:

This smacks of a recurring theme in similar movies:

  • Losing Isaiah
  • Dangerous Minds
  • Hardball
  • Wildcats
  • Radio

Downtrodden black kid(s)-- at best ignored by their communities and families, at worst abused by them-- are saved when some white person feels the tug on the heartstrings and decides to help. Thus, their life is drastically changed for the better and all is again right with the world.

I love my white folks. I really do. But COME ON. This is getting so incredibly old. Hollywood is basically perpetuating the idea that Black Folks are so messed up, they can't take care of their own. It takes someone from the outside to blaze a trail in and work tirelessly and thanklessly to save the little black children.

Enough already.

Before I get head of myself, Precious, a movie that I recommended people go see, has a similar, yet more insidious pattern. Every positive person in that film was very fair skinned in contrast to the victimizers and the victim, who were all very dark skinned. I think that is more a failure of the casting director (since anyone who read Push by Sapphire knows that Ms. Rain was dark skinned with locs-- a far cry from Paula Patton), than a failure of the material. I also believe that Precioius' father was a lighter skinned black man in the book.

But honestly, I'm sick of the "Great White Hope" theme in movies. Yes, it happens, but there are times when its the other way around. See the Secret Life of Bees, or The Legend of Bagger Vance, or Akeelah and the Bee... three highly under-rated (in my humble opine) movies that show how Black folk can uplift others and themselves.

Here is Complex.com's take on this:

Tell me why...

... people are dropping off their teens to go see Precious because they think since Mo'nique is in it, its going to be a funny family film.

Jeebs be some engaged parenting and film research for them

... the Senate healthcare bill that will probably pass within an inch of its pathetic life will STILL fail to address the 40 million uninsured people in this country. At best, it will expand coverage to 10-15 million... at their own expense. At worst, it will raise our taxes and nothing else.

Jeebs be some common f*cking sense. Healthcare reform is needed put pssst... CONGRESS.... YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG. Check out Canada, France, Germany... hell the rest of the Western industrial world and take notes on how to do it right.

... Janet is slaying hoes effortlessly at 43... FULLY CLOTHED.

Gaga, Beyonce, Rihanna and others... check out how to really DO THE DAMN THING.

... people are riding the MJ bandwagon like they were really stanning for him.

Y'all ain't want nothing to do with him when his appearance got too 'weird' and he was falsely accused and acquitted of those child molestation charges. Pssssst... your fake is showing. Tuck it back up under your skirt.

... iCan't listen to the radio anymore. I get embarassed for MYSELF when I hear some of the "music" that is out these days. Yet the kiddos are being subjected to it 24/7 and being told its "hot sh*t".

Music industry.... YOU FAIL.

.... Cartoon Network barely shows what I would call quality animated programming now adays. I believe they officially jumped the shark with Fosters Home for Imaginary Friends, and it just got progressively worse. What happened to Mr. 3000? Billy and Mandy? That cute little bug girl show?

CN, you almost FAIL, but I appreciate Adult Swim.

... the Philadelphia Eagles are stinkin up the spot like they are a team with no talent. We are flop sweating talented players (when they aren't hurt) but our offense AND defense can't seem to get their rhythm together... and its week 11.

I blame Andy Reid and his patented version of FAILING at play-calling, talent management, and field ferocity. An unflappable leader is admirable. A leader bereft of a pulse is... *sigh*

Can you tell I'm just in the mood to rant today? Please excuse me.

Friday, November 13, 2009

I'm Back... with a post about "Precious" weighty issues

Hey Fam!!
I know its been a minute. Life has been crazy for the past couple of months... I won't go into details... just know I'm still here and I'm still standing.

So.... I came to talk about the film "Precious". I'm going to attempt to keep this uncharacteristically short.

Go see it.

This isn't just some blind admonition for you to see a film I think is great... mainly because I haven't seen it yet either (its date night with the hubby and he suggested we go. I lurve him!)

I have read the book, however. I read it almost 4 years ago, and it stripped me bare to the bones then. I couldn't put it down, even though there were so many moments that I wanted to.

If director Lee Daniels honored the literary integrity of this work, this film will be a

The other reason I want people to go see it is because of the film's star, Ms. Gabourey Sidibe. This young woman played Precious so convincingly, people thought this was based on her life (though nothing could be further from the truth... girlfriend was in school for her PsychD before she landed the role of Precious. TAKE THAT!) Moreover, the vitriol that seems to be pouring forth about the young lady's physical appearance is another reason I want people to go see this movie.

In case you didn't know... Gabourey does not fit the 'Hollywood Ideal' of physical appearance.
She's dark skinned. She's not a size 3. And neither of these things seem to bother her one bit. But it sure as hell is bothering a whole lotta people.

Now, I expect foolish comments from internet trolls and ignorant MFers of every stripe... but was is bothering the bajiggers out of me is the derision she is getting from her own...
the so called Black Educated Elite Aristocracy. You know.... a whole group of people who pride themselves on their love for Blackness and the ascension of Black people to a higher plane. Yeah... I've heard and read them say things like:

"The main character's appearance is apalling"
"She can't possibly be happy or well adjusted considering her weight"
"Her career won't get very far and if it does, she will be typecast as the fat funny friend"
"Casting her in the lead role of a major film is celebrating the obesity epidemic in America"
"Her health is in danger- she needs help."
"Gag!" <-- I lie not, someone really wrote this

It seems like everyone EXCEPT Sidbide herself has an issue with her weight. Well, that last statement is not exactly true. They have a problem with the fact that she is starring in a film that is getting Oscar buzz and she has the unmitigated gall to be intelligent, confident and unapologetic about any aspect of herself.

See, because she is FAT, she is supposed to be depressed, unhappy and desperately trying to lose weight.

Miss me with that bullshit. PLEASE!

This is part of the panic that has set in about the fact that there are people who aren't thin... and aren't trying to be thin, who are happy, healthy and enjoying life. It just doesn't jive with folk. Fat people are supposed to be ashamed and hiding themselves from our sight. The are supposed to be the heavy breathing, sweaty, smelly nearly immobile beasts that barely resemble other members of "polite society". They are supposed to be looking to thinness as the solution to their every problem. Looking for love-- lose weight. Need a job--lose weight. Want to have friends-- lose weight. Want to be a better person-- lose weight?

Seems to me people need to lose their funky attitudes. And go see this film. Ha!

To Ms. Sibide I say, Go'head with your bad self girl. Do your thing and forget your detractors. I myself am DYING to see what else you have cooked up for your career.

(aherm.... so much for keeping this short. D'ah well.)

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Socialism vs. Capitalism... a quick tutorial


socialism: any of various economic and political theories advocating collective or governmental ownership and administration of the means of production and distribution of goods
2 a: a system of society or group living in which there is no private property b:a system or condition of society in which the means of production are owned and controlled by the state
3: a stage of society in Marxist theory transitional between capitalism and communism and distinguished by unequal distribution of goods and pay according to work done


cap·i·tal·ism: an economic system characterized by private or corporate ownership of capital goods, by investments that are determined by private decision, and by prices, production, and the distribution of goods that are determined mainly by competition in a free market

WHERE AMERICA REALLY IS (and has been since the middle of World War II):

state capitalism : an economic system in which private capitalism is modified by a varying degree of government ownership and control


state socialism: an economic system with limited socialist characteristics that is effected by gradual state action and typically includes public ownership of major industries and remedial measures to benefit the working class

So I ask again, what is so TERRIFYING about socialism? Considering that’s essentially what most of the industrialized nations of the world are… not to mention the United States of America. Methinks people haven’t been paying very close attention.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Lifestyles of the White and Suggestible- Why I'm moving back to Canada as soon as I find a job there.

I'm sorry for the heavy political slant lately, but my gears are constantly being GROUND and iCant anymore.
Besides, I've already sonned KWest and his whiny bitch ass and Li'l Mama's irrelevant self and her delinquent hairline enough yesterday.

Peep this video:

There are so many things that killed me in this video:

DEAD@ The OBESE woman who says she doesn’t have healthcare and she’s ‘just fine’ and healthy. And that if something goes wrong, she has physicians in her family. Really? You have an endocrinologist, gastroenterologist, bariatric surgeon, cardiologist, orthopaedic surgeon and an oncologist at your disposal? I would say your family hit the DNA jackpot, but judging from your exceptionally flawed logic and awkward appearance, y’all were some lucky sumbitches who married well. Or you’re lying your porcine ass off. Unfortunately, ‘lying’ only burns 1.4 calories per average lie. You've got a lot more lying to do

Extra DEAD@ the woman on social security who says she will gladly pay for her own health insurance once the government gets out of ‘everything’ in her life. Um ‘scuse me? Since you are on social security, it follows that if the government gets out of your life, you will be homeless and destitute. Chances are you are on SS, Medicare and Food Stamps. If the gov’t up and leaves ur ass high and dry tomorrow, you mean to tell me you are independently wealthy enough to pay monthly insurance premiums out of pocket? If this is true, then you are JUST LIKE those so-called 'minority breeder welfare system defrauders’ you vilify. Shaddap and SADDOWN somewheres.

REINCARNATED@ the fool who wants ENGLISH ONLY education for immigrants and that immigrants should learn English before they become citizens. Yet as a
natural born citizen himself, cannot spell “diapers” correctly. Yeah. YOU FAIL AT LIFE.

o_O @ Acorn being likened to the Gestapo. Yeah, cuz SS officers were giving credit repair workshops and helping poor people find adequate housing during WW II.

Just MAD @ Muslims ‘raping little boys’/'killing girls for getting education' and Asalam-alaikum being a rallying cry for that. DUMMIES, it means Peace be upon you/Go in peace! Obama being more dangerous than Osama, Glenn Beck being a hero and... UGH!!!

Like I said in my previous post, iQuit right wing conservative America. I cannot, in good conscience, associate with complete and utter FOOLS. Especially since these fools have guns.You know what? I’m calling the NRA today. Not to protest them. To register. I’m gettin a gun license and buying a couple of pump-action shot guns. I need to protect my home and my family for the likes of Teabaggers, Birthers and 9/12-ers. Shit. They scared of me? I’m SCARED OF THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!

Right wing nutjobs. If they have guns, shit, I’m not gonna be the fool who only has a knife.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

without waxing too poetic, prolific or political...

iQuit this country’s “right wing conservatives”. Indefinitely. Again. And in perpetuity.

They make me sick. “Conservative” my black arse. Let’s call them what they are…

“Animal Food Trough Wipers.” (c) Monty Python and the Holy Grail

F*ck their ENTIRE existences.

Why am I so angry? Peep the following…

Re: President Barack Obama’s Back to School Speech to the Kiddos

“Many districts in eastern Pennsylvania and across the country decided to tape the speech and give teachers the option of showing it later to students…. ‘In the very beginning, we heard from all the parents that were worried. They just said “I don’t want the president talking to my children without me there.”’

source: Today’s Metro.

Sweet merciful crap, are you absolutely serious? “I don’t want the president talking to my kids…?” Fa real? No, lets say what you really meant :

“I don’t want some n*gger talking to my sweet, perfect white babies and indoctrinating them with ideas of social justice, community responsibility and equality for all. Those just aren’t the values I want intstilled in my children. Especially not by some uppity n*gger trying to paint the WHITE House BLACK.”

For those who aren’t familiar, Central and Eastern PA (with the exception of Pittsburgh) might as well be [insert random backwoods Klan infested area here].

The fact that school districts across the country OBLIGED this complete and utter FOOLYWANG of censoring the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES from speaking to their children IN SCHOOL further cements my beliefs that 2009 AIN’T THAT DIFFERENT from 1959.

That’s 50 years of PROGRESS for that ass.


Monday, August 31, 2009

Questions that make you go... hmmmmmm

**editors note: I don't take credit for the questions. Just the answers. The questions are courtesy of my favorite letter writer to the Metro Dr. Marc Lamont Hill... with his tasty lookin' self. I fancied myself having (and styled this entry as) a conversation with him over coffee. Thank you Marc for being witty... and delish looking. The things I would do to you would shame my ancestors-- whoops, was that out loud?**

Q: Doesn't Terrell Owens' new reality show feel like an infomercial for his straightness?

Wait... you mean to tell me he is NOT GAY/B*tch*ssness personified?

Q: Whose mouth is more of a liability? Joe Biden or Joe Budden?

**ponders** I think the better question is, who is more irrelevant at this point... Biden or Budden?

Q: How telling is it that Allen Iverson still can't manage to find a job?

That's what his arse gets for leaving the Illadelph. We would have gotten you a ring... eventually, my nig. Its called patience! (can you tell I'm still a bit raw about that one?)

Q: Don't you wish Prince would have said something about Michael Jackson's death?

Whose to say he didn't? We haven't heard from a lot of people that 'should' have said something. I'm sick of people pitting stars against each other. Someone died. Someone famous, influential and amazing. But he has passed. Give him (and all the HOOPLAH) a rest. Except for Dr. Murry. He killed The King of Pop. Wear his name out all you wanna.

Q: In a sport of egos and insecurity, isn't it great to see DMac embrace Mike Vick with open arms?

I'm still giving the o_O to the 'open arms' thing. Because seriously... DMac, Vick is like 10 years younger and 3 times faster than you right now. And not as injury prone. Are you SURE you ain't worried about your job? For real? Nigga I KNOW YOU ARE.

Q: Has anyone told 50 Cent that his rap career is over?

iChortled. LOUDLY.
Ol' boy is drowning.... in a sea of his own irrelevance and 'has-been' ness. Not.a.good.look.

Q: Now that they're criticizing 'Cash for Clunkers' for being too effective, don't Republicans officially seem like a party of player haters?

First, I love you for using 'playa hatas' and 'republicans' in the same breath. Smart men are soooo sexy. But for real, they BEEN player haters. This is not new. What's new is that they just don't seem to give a sh*t and they are all bare assed about it now. They are really on some "F*ck it. We hate that a N***er is in the White House and that a Latina is on the bench. And we're going to make sure everyone f*cking knows it. This is OUR club. They were not invited."

Q: Now that they've embarrased themselves at countless town hall meetings, don't congressional Democrats seem like complete screw ups?

To wit.... YEP. Next question.

Q: Doesn't Barack Obama seem more like a traditional politician with every passing day?

Yes. But the better question to ask is... WHY???? I feel like this is the product of two things.
1) He's not the only one running this show.
2) He's privy to a lot more info now than when he was Candidate Obama. That can change things.
I'm not saying its right, I'm saying, it is what it is. And he has done some things that I think it took real guts to do. He's STILL better than McCain.... and DEFINITELY Palin **shudders at the thought of them in the White House**

Q: Does anyone find Robin Williams funny?

Hey! You leave Mrs. Doubtfire out of this!!

Q: Isn't it a shame that the birthdays of Marcus Garvey and Assata Shakur went by virtually unnoticed?

Um... I'm sure the State of New Jersey noticed Assata's birthday in a "Sh*t, we still ain't got Cuba to extradite her and we probably never will!" kind of way.
Score: One big arse Point to Cuba.
As far as Marcus Garvey... I remembered. Does that count?

::aside, if you haven't read Assata or at least ONE book about Marcus Garvey, you will FOREVER get a o_O from me ::end aside

Q: How do shows like "The Game" get cancelled while "Tiny and Toya" remain on television?

Its best not to ask questions like these. You will anger the beast. And your head will explode. I just stopped watching TV that wasn't BBC, Boomerang and NFL A LONG TIME AGO. Saved my sanity. oh and Tiny looks kinda Oompa Loompah-ish-- I'm jus' sayin.

Q: Doesn't Drake feel like hip-hops version of a boy band?

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! You WRONG for that one. But... yes. Wheelchair Jimmy from Degrassi feels like the black Backtstreet Boys... all by hisself. But I do think he's actually being tongue in cheek with "Best I Ever Had" and "Every Girl". Its just that women are a little bit stupid and desperate sometimes (read: THIRSTY) and haven't caught the okie doke yet. But yet, they are getting up in arms about his T&A videos. Like we expected anything ELSE from a rapper who is trying to gain credibility in the mainstream.

**This was a great conversation Marc, Thank you! And this coffee was terrific! Illy you say? I love their coffee! Oh, thank you for giving me some! What? You want to have coffee with me again? Tomorrow morning... in my kitchen? Mmmmm... would you like breakfast with that, after you've had dessert?**

Okay, clearly I have problems.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

The "Good Hair" Debate... 2009 (We STILL on this Ish?)

Hello Good Peoples!
I know, I know, its been a minute. This chica's been busy. Traveling, working and secretly trying to take over the world (word to The Brain).

So, I had a chance to *finally* catch the episode of The Tyra Banks Show that has been getting so much Twitterbuz, my Tweetdeck almost crashed. The "Good Hair" Episode. I'm not even going to get into how Tyra does her show thing, because that's another blog all by its lonseome. I want to talk about **dunh dunh dunh** "Good Hair"

Its an emotionally charged topic for black women (and men). So much of our standards of attractiveness have been tied up in what our hair looks like. But its so much more than that. Our hair determines how people perceive our entire beings including, but not limited to, our hireability, our mentality, our personality, our personal hygiene... even the way our families feel about us.

First, I applaud Tyra for making this episode. Despite the fumbles (and there were many) I appreciate her rockin' the Watts' style cornrows, opening up a dialoge between different schools of thought, and educating non African peoples on WHY this a topic that consumes so much of our collective consciousness.

So... today, Imma talk about two parts of the episode that made my soul weep, and share WHY my soul wept-- with my own 'hair traumas'.

There were many things said in this show by people that were cringe worthy, but this was a "cake taker" for me:

Go to minute 3:11 and listen to the words that just came out of ol' girls MOUTH. Did she really say she
has good hair because she has "white girl flow"? Yes. She did.

This is saddened me becuase not a moment later, the other girl with relaxed hair (and a receeding hair line
probably from overproccessing) who was sitting next to her said not a moment later that "Just because I have a relaxer doesn't mean
that I'm not a strong black woman" even though she co-signed Ms. "White Girl Flow."

Both of these women have tied the attractiveness of their hair to it being more "Euro" than "African."
But they claim they don't hate themselves.

Don't mistake my meaning. I know plenty of strong black women secure in their black beauty who have relaxed hair.
Its their choice. The difference is, they are not ascribing their beauty to being more like a white woman
than a black one. There is just as much pressure in the opposite direction from natural chicks who will be quick
to tell a woman with relaxed hair that she is "brainwashed" and "hates her African roots" and is on that
"creamy crack"

But for reals, Ms. White Girl Flow and her compadre Ms. "Overprocessed Receeding Hairline" need to seriously think
about WHY they choose to relax their hair, not just the fact that they do it. The sad part is, a lot of womn
will secretly or publicly co-sign what these two women said about having relaxers.

The second segment of the show that made me weep was this clip:

These poor babies. I can't even get into this segment and dissect it the way I want to, because it would be
tome-tastic. I just wanted to point out a couple of specific things that were appalling to me.

First, my heart broke for Shaniyah who would rather rock that tragic matted Hannah Montana wig
than her own beautiful twisties with the baubles in them (though I question why her mom bought her that
wig in the first place). She was so adorable and the fact that she is tortured at such a young age shows how early this starts.
Also, little Kalayshia with her beautiful hair. Her plight shows that the pressure goes both ways. She has "good hair"
and is teased and bullied to the point that she wants her mom to cut her hair off, so she can be like everyone else. My LORD!

But their plight doesn't even compare to the MOTHER'S who are propagating this self hatred in
their own daughters:

Malia's Mother: Because of her own teasing and torment about her hair as a child, she made a conscious
decision (at the tender age of 11!!!) to have a baby with a non-black man, so that her child would have
"good hair". She then implanted in her child's mind the idea that natural African features mean you are
of a lower class, are untidy or unkempt and not worth very much. IF THAT AIN'T SOME SELF HATRED,

Kiana's Mother: Is she for real? Kiana's mother is white. She's got WEAVE in that baby's hair because
it is 'easier to manage'?! She admitted that the reason she approaches Kiana's hair the way she does is because she doesn't have
"time" to comb and style and nurture her child's natural hair. She said it was a 'selfish' move on her part
Its also a move that is going to have repercussions that echo with her daughter well into her adult life.
She has already been taught that her natural hair is a nuinsance and difficult to deal with-- at age 8.
She didn't come to this conclusion herself. It was made for her by a mother who was to consumed with her own schedule
to take the time to do her daughter's hair. EPIC FAIL.

Ranasia's Mother: This woman took the cake. This mother has admitted to putting checmical relaxer on the head of
her THREE YEAR OLD DAUGHTER. She said that when Ranasia was smaller, she had 'good hair', and as she
got older, it started getting curlier and nappier-- and she didn't want to deal with it. So she solves the problem by
putting RELAXER (a very harsh chemical) on the head of her baby girl. They showed video of Ranasia getting her
relaxer, and she was saying it burned her scalp, and burned her eyes. But in the end it was worth it, because her mother
told her she looked cute.

I had my own issues with my hair growing up... like any black girl
I came up in the 80's where it wasn't the relaxer, so much as it was the Jherri Curl (yes... LAUGH) that
my mama slapped in my hair at the tender age of 7. I hated getting that mess done, but she had one, a
and when we left the salon together, I imagined we were twins. What little girl doesn't want to be like her mom?
And my mom was FLY.

But as I was growing up, I saw my hair wasn't healthy and didn't "swing" like my white friends' hair.
So I went and got braids. Unbeknownst to me or my mom, I had started my 'going natural' process.
I had braids all the way through high school and college. I only got perms twice since then.
The first was for my senior prom when all of my friends were getting perms and weaves for the prom. I wanted to be like them.
So I took my braids out and got a relaxer and a weave. It looked nice, but I found that I couldn't maintain it. By the time
I was ready to go to school in August, I had put braids back in.

I spent the better part of college with braids and getting my natural hair pressed by friends when I could. My hair was
thick, healthy and shiny. Then came SENIOR YEAR and job interviews.

It was such a serious topic for so many of us that we actually had a Black Women and the Workplace
seminar, that focused more on our appearance (mainly our hair) than anything else. By the time that was over, many of us were
ditching our fro's and twists for relaxers or interlocked weaves, or more "euro" braided styles (if you didn't want to commit to relaxing).
The point was, we all felt that we would not be able to compete for jobs if we had natural hair. This struck our male counterparts too,
as many of them had grown beautiful locs during college, only to buzz them off in the name of Wall Street.

I only got a relaxer one more time since my senior prom, and that was when I was working in NYC. My hair had been
natural for years and my MOTHER told me that I wouldn't get a job unless I straightened my hair. At 24 years old,
I caved and got one. My hair looked great and I got tons of compliments on it. Then about 5 months in, it started to snap
off and shed like crazy. I deep conditioned, I roller set instead of blow drying and flat ironing, I even went for some
ApHogee treatments. Nope. My hair was not having it.

So, I went back to braids and started the process of growing my hair out all over again.

Today my hair is healthy, thick and has the cutest little curls. I generally keep it in braids, because I'm
LAZY, but you will never catch me putting a perm in it-- beacuse MY hair can't take it. I have friends who's hair
does great with relaxers, but I'm not one of those people. My girl children will not have chemicals touch their heads
until they are old enough to come to the decision on their own, if at all. I will make sure they are educated about the pros and cons
and also about their own genetics (no girl children on my or my man's side of the family do well with
perms in their hair. NONE). But I will always teach them to love their natural beauty.

"To thine own Hair, Be true."

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Get me bail money!!!

I damn near committed a homicide today. Willfully stupid and annoying people need to stop sucking up precious air. So, here's the story, told by my angry tweets about the whole thing. No facebook rants... this person knows me on FB.

So a person who works for another part of the health dpt was in town and wanted to hang out. I obliged and said I would accompany her to check out Emory. The following is the twitter account of what happened...

So we started off riding the MARTA and catchinga bus to Emory. She was on some "wow, this is a really long bus ride! I can't wait for our stop! I'm so excited to look at the school of public health! Is this our stop?"

My Tweet:

"wandering around the ATL with the ditziest Philly chick ever. *through grimace* shoot me now"

So we get off at the School of Public Health and she wants to walk around the school. The campus was pretty deserted, buildings closed and lots of it under construction. I missed a step and my sandal tore and the ring popped out and sliced my toe open. Blood everywhere.

my Tweet:

"walkin around with this lil bish caused me to wreck my fave NEW sandals and cut my foot open! *heated*

So I limp to the bus stop accross the street, but we think it might be a campus shuttle stop. She walks off to find a legitimate stop. She was smiling and extra happy that she was outside the school of public health, never mind I'm rapidly losing blood, limping and my foot is swelling.

My tweet:

"she went to go see if there is another MARTA stop. if the bus comes, I'm leavin this bitch. she done caused me bodily injury iCan't with her over excited valley girl ass. how are u a valley girl from philly? like, omigod!"

I limp over to the bus stop (nevermind that it was nearly a quarter mile and she didnt come back to see if I could walk). Then she was like "Ohmigod I'm soo excited! I'm going to go take a picture of the School of Public Health (arguably one of the ugliest buildings I've ever seen):

My tweet:

"Imma stab this li'l 2520 heffa. I really am. her loser ass went to go take a pic of the public health school. like its a landmark

bish, I'm bleeding and u takin pictures? F YOUR life!"

So we were waiting for the bus. And waiting. And waiting. Finally, I all the MARTA headquarters to find out when the next bus is coming. She was legitimately suprised that I pulled that off. I was like "um, the number is on the sign." We get on the bus but because of the 'over the river and through the woods' foolywang we took to get there, I used up my last ride and had to come out my pockets... TWICE! And since my injury was indirectly because of her, you would have thought she felt bad enough to at least pay my bus fare. But no... she sat there watching me fumble for change while standing on one foot while the bus was in motion.

My Tweet:

"Bish saw me standing on one foot finding money while the bus was moving and because of her i am out a damn trip on my marta card *PISSED*"

Did I mention there is no where to eat around those parts? And it was getting late. And I was hungry. And my toe was going numb.

My Tweet:

"and i might not get to eat either. gotta go back to my hotel and take care of my foot. then MAYBE get some food. but its already mad late *fuming*"

Now, the whole time we were traveling back, she was babbling on like a blithering idiot about how she was looking forward to finding some Georgia peaches or a peach tree. For 40 minutes. I.wanted.to.push.her.onto.the.tracks.

"i am about to stab this wench. like now. talmbout she's disappointed that she hasnt seen any peaches and she's in ATL. iCan't JBSSRFM!**"

I was so glad when she got off for the stop for her hotel. She was on some "See you at work next week! Its a shame we're not flying back on the same flight!" I was like "That is Jesus saving your life and keeping my ass out of jail. Because I would have pushed your ass off the plane moments after take off myself." Of course I didn't say this in her presence.

I got on the phone with my bestie to tell her the story. Then my friend Tim called and asked my why I didn't put my good foot up her ass.

Then he told me to ice my entire body down, nekkid... and wait for him in the tub. Tim is an idjit. But he had a good point. Why didn't I put my foot up her ass?

Cause I don't like the smell of shit on my feet, that's why.

Monday, June 29, 2009

The Black Embarassment Television Awards or BBMo goes into Beyonce Roast Overdrive.

I don't have cable, so I didn't witness the tomfoolery for myself... but you FB and Twitter folks were in OVERDRIVE, so I felt like I was watching.
Once again, glad I don't have cable. I would have caved, watched and been quit by my optic nerves immediately following.

But my homegirl was perplexed by Yawnce's entire BEING and we had this text conversation. Sleep deprivation and angst make me go into roast overdrive.

(we call eachother Peabo and Pookie. I'm Pookie-- in Pank and green in honor of her AKA-ness)

Peabo: Pook, help me out here cuz you're the only one who can. Why did Beyonce sing Ave Maria in a teddy? Seems a might sacrelivious to me... confuzzled...

Pookie: BeYAWNce is a horible pathetic excuse for a whole lotta things. iCan't with her 364 days of the year. She gets a pass on her birthday. Triflin lace fron wearing sequined teddy rockin over-singing sacreligious lookin' gal.
Oh and Jigga needs a daym haircut. Upgrade my black AZZ.

Peabo: nuff said.

Pook: Oh, I ain't done. I also blame Mama Tina's tacky bedazzled ass. And A Pimp Named DADDY KNOWLES. Bishop Don "Magic" Juan is either extremely proud of or hatin' REAL hard on Papa Knowles. Pimp game PROPER he is. And Mama Tina is his bottom b*tch.

Peabo: I stopped watching when Yawnce applied her Lee Press-On Tutu. I'll watch bloopers and try again tomorrow.

Pook: Lee Press On Tutu?!?!? THIS is why I don't have cable.

Peabo: No cable?!?! It'll be your maid of honor gift.

Pook: iQuit your wedding. You must hate my eyes and my sensibilities. Find a new maid of honor. I hand over my sash, dress and shoes.

And was anybody REALLY suprised/shocked/mad that BET fugged this ALL THE WAY UP? I mean, Debra L-EVIL and her knockabout slave labor ain't exactly KNOWN for having their 'act right' goin' on in general.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Because he was Michael Jackson..

I just can’t.

A piece of me died along with him.

Say what you will about him… that man was a music revolutionary. An innovator. A genius.
Every time he did something, he changed the game. People scrambled to catch up, while he was moving on to the next thing. He was often imitated… never duplicated. He did what they said or thought could never be done. People have careers SOLEY because he was Michael Jackson

He was so universal, you could be in a country where you didn’t speak the language, didn’t know the culture and didn’t know a single soul, but if you heard a MJ song, you felt like you were home. All of a sudden, you had something in common with a complete stranger from the other side of the world. You had a new friend (this happened to me). Because he was Michael Jackson.

He was so influential, you can’t hear a single new song without realizing some component was lifted from his work. Sampling a track, the style of singing, the dancing in the video (a genre he BIRTHED). He was a style icon. People everywhere just wanted to be close enough to touch the magic. To have a piece of it for themselves. Because he was Michael Jackson.

June 25, 2009. The would lost one of the best parts of it. A sensitive soul. A creative mind. A musical treasure.

In life and in death, he was and always will be… LEGEND.

~Blackberry Molasses in Mourning

Rest in Peace MJ.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Cross My Mind/Black Magic Trippin

Why is it that a random chance encounter can totally f*ck with your whole program? Powerful Black Magic has hit me. I inhaled and now the scent is lingering on my breath...

This is what I'm dealing with at the moment. I had an encounter with an amazing individual recently. I was awed and inspired by this person. This unattainable standard. Not unattainable because its out of my scope of abilities to pull someone like that.... but because life basically said "No. Stop. Don't even think about it, Missy."

Which is fine. But the bad part about it is that meeting this individual completely screwed with my mental.

The forbidden fruit is looking mighty sweet... and making my perfectly good regular fruit look like picked over mess.

Some kinda powerful black magic is at work. My girl Nellie told me to give it a few days. I just got back... I will be more lucid after I give it time.

..... but I'm not sure I want to come up from under the dark swell. It feels damn good. That longing feeling. That flirtation. That uncertainty. The fire in my belly. Its been a minute since I've felt this way.

I know it NEEDS to go away. I have perfectly good fruit right here that just wants to be tasted again and appreciated for its nourishment and ability to satisfy. And the fact I am reluctant to partake is making the good fruit feel rotten.

REALLY, iCan't with myself right now.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Random Ruminations... playing Catch-Up!

Hey Hey Hey!!!

I been gone for a minute but I'm back with the JUMPOFF!!! How y'all doin?? Did u miss me? I missed you!

So... for lack of a singular blog topic, today's post is going to be a mishmash of ruminations and happenings in the world of The Molasses One. Hang on to your socks kids!


I would like to extend congratulations, adulations, love, joy, peace, prosperity and all of that good stuff to my mother, the newly minted Dr. Evelyn Aryeetey Dogbey, PhD!
Here she is:

Check this out-- she's making history as the FIRST Doctor of Philosophy in Nursing Science from Widener University... and she's also the FIRST BLACK Doctor of Philosophy in Nursing Science from Widener. GO MOM!!!

We're throwing her a big ol' shindig this Saturday. Afro-Caribbean food, DJ, drank and all manner of adult-ish. If you are in South Jersey it will be THE PLACE to be!!!

Bring your FIYAH!

Gender Bending Undergarments

I read in the Metro this morning that in Japan, they have started selling Man Brassieres. "For the stressed Salary man that wants to feel relaxed. Comes in Black, Pink and White." Whaaaaa?

For the stressed salary man who wants to feel relaxed? Ladies, chime in with me here, but isn't your bra the LEAST relaxing piece of clothing you wear on a daily basis? I mean, I get home and the first thing I do is change into a sports bra (normally cuz I'm about to work out). Following the shower, its NO BRA... that is relaxed.

And they have the nerve to have a variety of colors... black, white and PINK? Lawd. Now, I understand that there are some men who look like they could benefit from wearing a bra... specifcially MINIMIZERS because they have that whole man-boob issue. But that's usually a function of obesity. Japan has one of the LOWEST obesity rates in the world. Meaning that the majority of the men buyin man-bras are not trying to support their soft chests... they just want to wear a bra. Because its RELAXING. *sigh* Only in Japan....

But if that wasn't enough, my friend informed me of another gender bending undergarment... Manty-hose. For men who want to hide bulges and smooth rolls... like SPANX... but for dudes.

Panty hose... for men. They say they do it to keep warm as well. Somehow I don't believe them. They need a PLETHORA of more people... specifcally other men. I don't wear pantyhose. Call me a harlot. They seem purposeless to me. They're uncomfortable. They don't shape as well as a good body shaper will. And I'll be damned if you're going to convince me they keep you warm. Tights may do better. Pantyhose... no. So wearers of Manty hose "for warmth" get a MAJOR Lady Cameroon Style side eye from me.

I'm all for people wearing what they want to wear. If you are a man who likes to wear ladies underpinnings, far be it from me to judge. Just don't do it under false presentes like "relaxation" and "keeping warm".

Real Housewives of New Jersey

Praise Jesus for this one. Really. They're going to give me no end of fodder. We might as well call this the Sopranos II.

Check out these five wildly unattractive, I mean, lovely ladies*.

*smh* at these women sullying the pristine reputation of Jersey Girls. **overloud guffaw** geez, I couldn't even say that with a straight face. Let's try again. *SMH* at these chicks airing our State's dirty laundry. Everyone knows what's really up in NJ... just nobody TALKS about it.

Even though three of the five are Italian-American, two of them are sisters who are married to brothers and all of the husbands work on industries like "contstruction", they swear up and down that they are not like the Sopranos. Yeah right, and Neyo doesn't dance around to "I'm Every Woman" in pink satin boxers at night.

For this show, I might actually cave in and get cable. I need to see this tomfoolery unfold for myself from the comfort of my chaise lounge. I hear one of them gets mad and orders a hit on the other one-- or something like that.

"Baby, get me some caramel soy crisps! Real housewives of New Jersey is on!!"
*is it just me or does it look like ALL OF EM have had recent Botox and breast augmentations?

May is National Masturbation Month

I just found out about this... and I work in STD prevention. I suck. Literally (sorry, couldn't help it). So, the Mizzoni Center in Philadelphia is a sexual health center for LGBT folk. But they aint the only ones that can benefit from a little loving of thyself.

I'm convinced that there would be less strife, turmoil and other 'bad stuff' in the World, if more people 'loved' themselves. I mean, it really is the safest form of sex, and its sex with someone you love (hopefully). Also, I'm a firm believer that you must love yourself first, before you will be able to love others, and let them love you.

I know, I'm a self proclaimed Christ follower and many religions teach against it... but seriously? Those admonitions were more about not procreating and less about self pleasure. I believe God wants me to be happy. And loving myself makes me happy. And... its a total turn on for my husband when he catches me doing it. So it also makes our marriage stronger. Can't beat that!!

Self love is the best love. And we have a whole month to celebrate... VIGOROUSLY!!


So I'm famous for saying I don't tweet. I mean, I REALLY don't think I'm THAT INTERESTING.

Welp. I can't say that anymore. I caved into peer pressure (Damn u CROWNIE) and got a Twitter account. On a TRIAL basis. They have 24 hours to impress me, or I'm going inactive. If you want me to stay on Twitter, then by all means, feel free to follow my uninteresting and mundane self.... twitter.com/BBMolasses.

That's all I have for you beautiful people. Stay happy, stay healthy and stay blessed! I'll catch you on the flip!

Peace and love...
The Retrospect

Monday, May 04, 2009

Bogus Birthday... sort of. Okay, not really.

So for those of you who haven't heard, you're favorite Rebel Intellectual spent her 29th Born Day at the Emergency Room. Diagnosis: Strep Throat. Yep... F my life....

Dear Mother Nature (and your cacophony of infectious streptococci bacteria),

You emotional hatin-azz, moody azz breezy!! Thanks so much for the bogus birfday gift. Strep throat!! Its what I always wanted.... in a parallel universe where torture is the joie de vivre. I would cuss yo azz out for hatin on the RI and making her stay in bed but, your bogus gift did have some upsides:

1. I got to by babied my my dear sweet mother. Ain't nothing like the mom brand of TLC when you're sick. Sure, Significant Other brand may provide more of a rush, but when SO can barely take care of himself, Mom knows all the tricks and treats to make being sick more palatable. I've said it before and I'll say it again.. I have THE BEST MOM EVER!

2. Sympathy upped the gift factor. I got money in the cards this year. You know, the ones that normally just come with a hearty handshake and a hug.

3. My lovely man gave me the most GORGEOUS roses I have ever seen. I mean, granted, he would have given me flowers anyway, but these are just AMAZING. Have you ever seen real lavender roses? This pic doesn't even do them justice, they are that beautiful. And they have opened up since then. Just glorious.

4. I lost 12 lbs from not being able to get anything down my gullet other than green tea with honey, my meds and vitamins. Call it a crash diet. I call it the jumpstart my Summer Hot Body Plan needed.

5. I'm at work, but no one really expects me to be productive. They're just happy I'm not dead. Yay for paid "goof-da-hell-off" time!!

6. Because I was sick on my celebration day, all my parties have been postponed until I feel better and can actually EAT my cake. Which means, I get extra time to be spoiled some more!!! And the weather will be deciedely nicer as well. HOLLA!!

7. I realized how many people truly care about me. People were calling and texting to make sure I was getting better, they were praying for me, talking about me at church functions and what not. Sending me encouraging e mails, texts and FB messages. But none of y'all will get me to eat!! I'm loving the fact my 'skinny' jeans are not 'skinny' jeans anymore... time to go shoppin!!

So see Madre Natura.... you tried to bring me down. But I'm a truly blessed one. You can knock me down, but you can't take me out!

But I'mma still call a spade a spade.... YOU HATIN' AZZ BREEZY!!! I hope El Nino sucks on your nipples so hard they callous over. There! Take that!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

My Favorite Things

So for those of you, my lovely followers, who care to know... In 8 days, the Rebel Intellectual will be celebrating her 29th B(Earth) Day.

I ain't asking for gifts outright... but people who know and love me... or at least just know me, should know some of my favorite things. You know, just in case. Ask (or hint) not and ye shall recieve not.

Any and everything with peacock feathers--

Earrings, bracelets, shirts, hats, home accessories, floral arrangment pinnings (cuz I do my own floral arrangements. I am fascinated with them and have been for years. My current lust-- I need a new set of peacock feather earrings... my others suffered and untimely death at the hands of Mother Nature.
Ironic T-shirts--

"What the hell is an Aluminum Falcon?!" "Meh" "Pi- Its what's for dessert" "STFUniversity" "I am a Pepper" "Token"

Places to find: http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts-apparel/womens/-- I love the snark of this website... really, I heart it so

"Urban" Art-- Mainly Justin Bua, as well as the art and photgraphy of my friends Gina and Toine. (check sidebar for their sites)

Cute work out gear-- I'm currently crushing on Jockey's Person to Person line. The clothes are comfy, cute and can go from work out, to errands to lunch with girlfriends completely effortlessly. Oh and their Made to Move pants make my ass look amazing!! My local Jersey rep is a really sweet girl named Kristen. I love supporting women in their business ventures.

Loud azz costume jewels-- pretty self explanitory. I have fallen in love AGAIN with lapis lazuli and turquoise.

Any and all things relating to Ancient Egypt-- my great grandmother was a green eyed, dark skinned beauty (Queen Mutnodjment doppleganger) with kinky curly hair from the Nile Valley. She was most likely brought to the coast by a Bedouin tribe. Anywhoo, I figured my fascination with Ancient Egypt had to come from somewhere. I love books, paintings, papyrus, pictures, stories... anything to do with the great kingdoms. They enthrall me.

These are a few of BBMo's favorite things... what are some of yours?

Reminder... Imma be turing old as dirt next Thursday. But didn't Jay say that 30 is the new 20? That means I'm turning 19!! ha!!!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Hey my Lovelies!
This is just a quick ANGRY blog. I am so sick of the police right now. Why? In Philadelphia last night two young boys were murdered execution style. The police are 'stymied' because they have few leads. Their reason for having few leads? "They don't seem to be involved in anything." This is a quote from the investigators that means "Well, they're not drug dealers or gang members or bad kids, so we are stumped."

They are saying that there is no way these two good boys (one volunteered at his church, the other was in the Police Cadet Exploration program) could just be shot senselessly- or for being good kids.

All our children are not deviants, and the ones who behave as such are severely troubled and victims of a system that has failed them. But the police seem to assume that the opposite is true, especially when something tragic like this occurs.

Philadelphia Police= EPIC FAIL on this.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

The World that is..... and why I blame... well... EUROPE. OR "Why I'm Rooting for the Pirates."

**pensive look**

So, unless you have been living under a rock for the past week or so, you have heard the word "Pirate" thrown around on the TV, radio and interwebs. This word conjures up visions of "Arr me hearties" and "buried chests" and "walking the plank". But that's not the piracy of 2009. Now, its a bonafide business, complete with investors, sunk costs, marginal costs, operational costs, profit--- and yes, RULES and REGULATIONS.

And no doubt you've heard about a nation that was last World Wide worthy news in 1991-92 (that would be Somalia). A country that has been barely hanging on to the term 'country' for over 30 years.

Folks were celebrating the rescue (and concurrent execution) that occurred yesterday when U.S. Navy Seals (aka Gubment Sanctioned Crazy MOFO's wit GUNS) extracted the American shipping captian being held hostage by Somali Pirates, while killing 3 and taking a 4th into custody.

I'm going to say this before I move on to the crux of my rant.

I am rooting for the Pirates. Yeah, I said it. Their country is in ruins, their government--- what government?? They are being exploited by the rest of the world. They can't feed their kids. Eff what ya heard, piracy is the new black.

This phenomenon is merely a symptom of the illness inflicted upon The Continent (heck, the entire WORLD) hundreds of years ago---COLONIALISM.

The scramble that occurred starting with the Spanish Empire and their Armada cruising the globe, invading the lands of sovereign peoples and conquering them through the patented plan of "infect, divide, exploit, decimate and convert." Colonialism was far and away, one of the most VILE things to ever happen to the planet and her people. It has some disgusting spawn as well: Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade and her twin sister Indian Ocean Slave Trade, their nasty brother Genocide and baby spawnlets Hegemony and Neo-Colonialism (who is heir apparent to the destruction of national sovereignty-- of non-Western nations, that is). THANK YOU EUROPE FOR BENDING MOTHER EARTH'S PEOPLE OVER A TABLE AND WELL... YOU KNOW.

Don't believe me? Think I'm going a bit overboard? Consider this.

In North America, the most widely spoken language is SPANISH **side eye to Spain**

The second most widely spoken language is ENGLISH **side eye England**

In Sub-Saharan Africa, when children go to school, they don't learn in their native tongues... they learn in ENGLISH, FRENCH, DUTCH or GERMAN.

The Indian Subcontinent was OWNED by England until the early 1940's....

All my Filipino friends have Catalan last names (i.e. Hernandez, Fernandez...) and only learn Pinoy at home. They learn Spanish in school.

South America and the Caribbean-- Spain and Portugal left one heck of a GINORMOUS footprint all over them. The only reason the language and cultre of native peoples survived there? They were too hard to reach living in the mountains or deep in the Amazon. But then again, not all were spared. When was the last time you met a Taino? Didn't think so.

And South Africa? Yeah ***MAJOR SIDE EYE TO THE DUTCH** thanks SOOOOO much for Apartheid. Really. Thanks, BUNCHES. **also extra long side eye to DeBeers (you know, "A Diamond is Forever"?) for Rwanda and Tanzania as well*

My point-- Western Europe's legacy of scrambling for lands outside their own still LOUDLY echoes around the Globe. Heck, entire languages have DISAPPEARED under this fact.

So what does this have to do with the price of pencils in Pyongyang?

Like I said before, the Somali Piracy 'problem' is merely a symptom of a people fighting back (however ill-advisedly) against the system that has left them with a nation in ruin.

It always pisses me off when people talk about how corrupt and ineffectual many African governments are. How they are characterized by infighting, conflict and at best general yuckyness. At worst... constant civil war. They therefore use this to rationalize that these governments are utterly incapbable of functioning as sovereign entities and need 'help' from western nations who 'have got it right'... aka Neo-Colonialism.

What they conveniently forget is that the face of the African Continent was drawn all over with black permanent India Ink (which, by the way is a British import from its colony..) by European leaders. Before the time of Navies and Armadas, the African people had their own sovereignty systems. Sure they weren't perfect, and they would go to war, or kidnap, or enslave... but that's generally what happens when nations in conflict collide. Things get messy. But they eventually resolve and quiet down.

The scramble for gold and other resources had European nations rushing to Africa like Hollywood starlets rush to St. Tropez. Everyone wanted a piece of the action. Now, they all couldn't have the same pieces of land, so they carved them up "this is yours, this is mine" style. Nevermind that they were surreptitiously forcing tribes, nations and clans that had not gotten along for generations to all of a sudden become one nation, but they felt it was their right to just up and jack someone else's swag! As a matter of fact, this internal dislike was exactly the tool needed to make sure the people stayed subjugated and never unified to rise up and eject these usurpers. Textbook 'Divide and Conquer'. What the Hell, Europe?

Fast forward to the mid 1900's when these African Colonies realized they were gettin smoked with the Okie Doke and it was time to evict Sir England and M. France... or Sir England and M. France realized that it would be more profitable, and less mess to just trade with a new sovereign that was used to dealing with them. **enter the Wave of Independence** Now, we have these provisional governments set up as permanent governments. Many are acheived by violent coups and civil war. Remember those clans and tribes I was talking about? They STILL don't like each other. The rapid departure of the colonial masters' and their armies destablizied nations enough that now we have people going batshit crazy to control what was left. Some managed to hold 'free' elections... but other's just shot up the place until the opposition relented.

So now, you have groups that don't like each other but are FORCED to live together in order to be recognized as independent sovereigns by the International Community. Enter backbiting, in-fighting, coups, civil wars and genocide. Throw in some terrorist groups that thrive off of recruiting the disenfranchised and disenchanted. Sprinkle in illegal arms from rogue nations. And for kicks let's add drought, famine, HIV/AIDS, poor education and exploitation. TADA!! You have the perfect quagmire that is RIFE with pirates, guerillas, terrorists, genocidal leaders and desperate people.

Somalia is just a microcosm of this larger, messier nastier phenomenon. As the old saying goes, 'Desperate times call for desperate measures.' And you wonder why people are turing to piracy... and why landed Somalis and expats applaud and even finaincially support it. Its a form of rebellion. Its a form of sustenance. Heck, it even stimulates the local economy. Every hood person know you gotta get your hustle on to make it. This is their hustle. THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT RIGHT. But IT DOESN'T MAKE IT UNEQUIVOCALLY WRONG,EITHER.

You may not agree with my views. And frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn. Clearly I am a left wing socialist lunatic who believes in crazy things like fairness, human rights, equal opportunity, government lucidity and accountability... and other such rot. I must be insane.

Before I go, I just wanted to post this little pic. Think about it.

Oh and as for piracy..... yeah, I'm looking at YOU Bernie Madoff. Lehman Brothers. Enron. AIG. Citicorp. Yeah... lookin at you EXTRA HARD.

Friday, April 03, 2009

Verbal Evisceration of a Racist Mofo

Aight, so I was over the the freshxpress.com and stubled across this article. You should go over and take a gander, but for the quick and dirty, it is a post of an article written in response to a columnist on the conservative website townhall.com (I'll be damned if Imma link that horse shit to my page... you gon' have to get over there the old fashioned way).

In essence, this "writer" said the following about our magnificent First Lady:
- She is a racist (the ghost of the Right Reverend Wright strikes again!)
-She got her educational opportunities because of Affirmative Action
-She got her prominent career and impressive resume because of Affirmative Action
-She's a "James Brown Look-A-Like"
-She's a bitch

Oh, but it gets better. He also says the following:
"If we were a racist society, Oprah Winfrey, your fairy godmother, certainly wouldn’t be a billionaire; she’d be fetching someone’s mint julep. And Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice wouldn’t grow up to be secretaries of state; they’d be sweeping out the stables. And Will Smith and Denzel Washington wouldn’t be movie stars; they’d be in the fields picking cotton."

Before I pop off and get out of pocket... first, a prayer:

Dear Sweet Lord Jesus,
Thank you so much for creating the shallow end of the gene pool, and those it has begotten. Thank you for allowing them to be an endless flow of fodder when I have nothing else to write about. I pray Lord, that my words cut deep, cut true, and are hilarious. And please Lord, keep me in the Land of IGNANT, and deliver me from the Valley of Ignorance. In Your Precious Name, AMEN.

Now, I sauntered my way over to townhall.com just to take a look around. I like to research the places/people/things that I am about to verbally eviscerate. Never let it be said that I don't do my homework.

My first issue is mainly surface: Why is that site so BUSY? I mean, my eyes rebelled against me for making them try to take in too much disorganization at once. They were ready to quit me for abusing them. Just too much crammed into too little space. And poorly laid out. But I have noticed that many conservative sites, including our own Faux News, tend to be like this. I have theories as to why... but that is a whole nother post all by its lonsome.

Now, lets get to the duqois and foie gras of my rant.

First... I am WELL AWARE that this was an opinion column, and that people are entitled to their opinions... no matter how ludicrous, baseless and assinine they may be. However, when a person's opinions are hateful, full of vitriol and most importantly based in complete FALSEHOODS... well, I'mma take it upon my chocolate brown, baby faced 5'7" self to choke 'em up by the collar and shake some sense into their azz. Its my duty and I do it for the people.

Y'all know me... I'm a fan of methodical ranting. Let's deal with the ignorant (Not IGNANT) statements about our first lady.

Aight... seriously, this racist bit is old. Just stop it. Not because racism doesn't exist because it does (as so aptly exemplified by the writer of the column) but because folks are just GETTING IT WRONG. *sigh* Must I go through this... AGAIN? Alright, for all the dolts out there who CONTINUE to use it wrong... click the link below.


As the definition implies, in order to be racist, you must be in a group that has been given cause to find itself superior to another group, and therefore design de facto or de jure methods of subjugating an inferior group. Therefore, MINORITIES BY DEFINITION CANNOT BE RACIST. Moron.

But beyond semantics, let's get literal, shall we? Pointing out and describing a country's history of systematic disenfranchisment of minority groups does not make a person racist. Offering ideas an policies to correct hundreds of years of 'un-leveling' the playing field does not make a person racist. Calling people on the carpet and demanding they face their legacy and acknowledge it for what it is DOES NOT MAKE A PERSON RACIST. It makes them a truth teller. And as the author so pointedly descibed of his critics and their reaction to his verbal diarrhea, truth tellers aren't popular.

In addition, the writer of this here column states that since she was sitting in Reverend Wright's pews, was married by and had her babies baptized by him, she's got to be racist. Because he's racist. Let it never be said that this writer ain't consistent. He finds a theory that works and hammers away at it.
Look, I was raised by my mother for the first 18 years of my life. She happens to think I look lovely in the color yellow and dressed me in it for years (until I rebelled and started dressing like a chola... but that's another story). Guess what... I HATE the way I look in yellow. STILL. TO THIS DAY. She never indoctrinated me with her love for the color. Michelle and other intelligent folks are not vacuous holes for which indoctrination is ripe and ready to be poured into-- unless they're conservative columnists (sorry, I couldn't resist). The woman can have an independent thought and **gasp** disagree with her pastor. I disagree with mine all the time. It makes for lively debate.

Her education and career are due soley to Affirmative Action-- let's just kill two birds with this one masive boulder and move the fuck on, shall we? According to the U.S. Government, the largest beneficiary group of Affirmative Action is.... wait for it... Caucasian WOMEN. Not Black People. Not Asians. And its a matter of simple mathematics. Affirmative Action was designed to level the playing field for all marginalized groups... this includes Caucasian Women. Now... it is fact that Caucasian people in America vastly outnumber of African American people. So doesn't it mathematcially hold that Caucasian women would outnumber, AT THE VERY LEAST, the number of Black women who are benefitting from Aff. Act? Yeah.... SOMEONE needs to go back and study basic probability and statistics one more time. Since I am an epidemiologist by profession, I offer tutoring for $45 /hr.

Never mind that he insulted the woman's (and every other educated black person's) intelligence in that one stupid line. You, sir are OUT OF ORDER for that one.

First Lady Michelle Obama is a James Brown Doppleganger and therefore un-attractive.

I'mma take a line from my favorite show, The Boondocks. "Are you BLIND?"-Grandad

First of all... WHAT? This is un attractive?
Scusemesaywhatnah? Her figure is killer, her hair is lustrous--my gawt LOOK AT THOSE ARMS! Her sense of style is daring, yet charming. And she has a lovely smile.

Yeah.... she may not be his ideal, but she's certainly Barak's and last time I checked, HE'S the POTUS. Ain't nobody checking for the author's lumpy gray balding azz. **aside**Oh that's right, you're still sore about the beauty pageant LOSER (to a Black girl) cum weathergirl cum governor from Alaska. Doesn't matter that she was dumber than a box of rocks... just so long as she steamed up the white house Chrismas photos in a Santa's Little Helper outfit, right? Fukkouttaherewitthatshit.

And just for the record.... how many first ladies were deemed HAWT? Laura? Don't think so. Hilary? Nope. Barbara? HA! Nancy?? Not a snowballs chance in Hades. But there are plenty of straight men (since this particular brand of his vitriol was for my Gay BFF's) who would GLADLY steal Chelly from Barry. Make no mistake about that, hombre.

She's a bitch. Okay.... this is just plain old lazy. I mean really, he lowered himself to school yard name calling? And using the anti-creative "bitch" as the insult of choice? Yeah, he's a lazy bitchazz for just calling her a bitch for bitch-calling's sake. He ain't creative. He ain't clever. He ain't funny. He's just a crotchety old mysoginist azzhole.

Oh and I didn't forget about this part: "If we were a racist society, Oprah Winfrey, your fairy godmother, certainly wouldn’t be a billionaire; she’d be fetching someone’s mint julep. And Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice wouldn’t grow up to be secretaries of state; they’d be sweeping out the stables. And Will Smith and Denzel Washington wouldn’t be movie stars; they’d be in the fields picking cotton."

Welsah thank yuh mighty much mista suh fo' lettin us po negros come and try and do some things to make something of our otherwise pointless lives. We sho does 'preshiate u lettin is into yo schools, yo neighborhoods and yo' companies. We just prays tuh Almighty Gawd that we don't mess ovuh the chance that you doned given us tuh make sumthing of ourselvses. Thank you Suh! Thank ya!

Oh yeah, and FUCK YOU.