Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Get me bail money!!!

I damn near committed a homicide today. Willfully stupid and annoying people need to stop sucking up precious air. So, here's the story, told by my angry tweets about the whole thing. No facebook rants... this person knows me on FB.

So a person who works for another part of the health dpt was in town and wanted to hang out. I obliged and said I would accompany her to check out Emory. The following is the twitter account of what happened...

So we started off riding the MARTA and catchinga bus to Emory. She was on some "wow, this is a really long bus ride! I can't wait for our stop! I'm so excited to look at the school of public health! Is this our stop?"

My Tweet:

"wandering around the ATL with the ditziest Philly chick ever. *through grimace* shoot me now"

So we get off at the School of Public Health and she wants to walk around the school. The campus was pretty deserted, buildings closed and lots of it under construction. I missed a step and my sandal tore and the ring popped out and sliced my toe open. Blood everywhere.

my Tweet:

"walkin around with this lil bish caused me to wreck my fave NEW sandals and cut my foot open! *heated*

So I limp to the bus stop accross the street, but we think it might be a campus shuttle stop. She walks off to find a legitimate stop. She was smiling and extra happy that she was outside the school of public health, never mind I'm rapidly losing blood, limping and my foot is swelling.

My tweet:

"she went to go see if there is another MARTA stop. if the bus comes, I'm leavin this bitch. she done caused me bodily injury iCan't with her over excited valley girl ass. how are u a valley girl from philly? like, omigod!"

I limp over to the bus stop (nevermind that it was nearly a quarter mile and she didnt come back to see if I could walk). Then she was like "Ohmigod I'm soo excited! I'm going to go take a picture of the School of Public Health (arguably one of the ugliest buildings I've ever seen):

My tweet:

"Imma stab this li'l 2520 heffa. I really am. her loser ass went to go take a pic of the public health school. like its a landmark

bish, I'm bleeding and u takin pictures? F YOUR life!"

So we were waiting for the bus. And waiting. And waiting. Finally, I all the MARTA headquarters to find out when the next bus is coming. She was legitimately suprised that I pulled that off. I was like "um, the number is on the sign." We get on the bus but because of the 'over the river and through the woods' foolywang we took to get there, I used up my last ride and had to come out my pockets... TWICE! And since my injury was indirectly because of her, you would have thought she felt bad enough to at least pay my bus fare. But no... she sat there watching me fumble for change while standing on one foot while the bus was in motion.

My Tweet:

"Bish saw me standing on one foot finding money while the bus was moving and because of her i am out a damn trip on my marta card *PISSED*"

Did I mention there is no where to eat around those parts? And it was getting late. And I was hungry. And my toe was going numb.

My Tweet:

"and i might not get to eat either. gotta go back to my hotel and take care of my foot. then MAYBE get some food. but its already mad late *fuming*"

Now, the whole time we were traveling back, she was babbling on like a blithering idiot about how she was looking forward to finding some Georgia peaches or a peach tree. For 40 minutes.

"i am about to stab this wench. like now. talmbout she's disappointed that she hasnt seen any peaches and she's in ATL. iCan't JBSSRFM!**"

I was so glad when she got off for the stop for her hotel. She was on some "See you at work next week! Its a shame we're not flying back on the same flight!" I was like "That is Jesus saving your life and keeping my ass out of jail. Because I would have pushed your ass off the plane moments after take off myself." Of course I didn't say this in her presence.

I got on the phone with my bestie to tell her the story. Then my friend Tim called and asked my why I didn't put my good foot up her ass.

Then he told me to ice my entire body down, nekkid... and wait for him in the tub. Tim is an idjit. But he had a good point. Why didn't I put my foot up her ass?

Cause I don't like the smell of shit on my feet, that's why.