Monday, May 18, 2009

Random Ruminations... playing Catch-Up!

Hey Hey Hey!!!

I been gone for a minute but I'm back with the JUMPOFF!!! How y'all doin?? Did u miss me? I missed you!

So... for lack of a singular blog topic, today's post is going to be a mishmash of ruminations and happenings in the world of The Molasses One. Hang on to your socks kids!


I would like to extend congratulations, adulations, love, joy, peace, prosperity and all of that good stuff to my mother, the newly minted Dr. Evelyn Aryeetey Dogbey, PhD!
Here she is:

Check this out-- she's making history as the FIRST Doctor of Philosophy in Nursing Science from Widener University... and she's also the FIRST BLACK Doctor of Philosophy in Nursing Science from Widener. GO MOM!!!

We're throwing her a big ol' shindig this Saturday. Afro-Caribbean food, DJ, drank and all manner of adult-ish. If you are in South Jersey it will be THE PLACE to be!!!

Bring your FIYAH!

Gender Bending Undergarments

I read in the Metro this morning that in Japan, they have started selling Man Brassieres. "For the stressed Salary man that wants to feel relaxed. Comes in Black, Pink and White." Whaaaaa?

For the stressed salary man who wants to feel relaxed? Ladies, chime in with me here, but isn't your bra the LEAST relaxing piece of clothing you wear on a daily basis? I mean, I get home and the first thing I do is change into a sports bra (normally cuz I'm about to work out). Following the shower, its NO BRA... that is relaxed.

And they have the nerve to have a variety of colors... black, white and PINK? Lawd. Now, I understand that there are some men who look like they could benefit from wearing a bra... specifcially MINIMIZERS because they have that whole man-boob issue. But that's usually a function of obesity. Japan has one of the LOWEST obesity rates in the world. Meaning that the majority of the men buyin man-bras are not trying to support their soft chests... they just want to wear a bra. Because its RELAXING. *sigh* Only in Japan....

But if that wasn't enough, my friend informed me of another gender bending undergarment... Manty-hose. For men who want to hide bulges and smooth rolls... like SPANX... but for dudes.

Panty hose... for men. They say they do it to keep warm as well. Somehow I don't believe them. They need a PLETHORA of more people... specifcally other men. I don't wear pantyhose. Call me a harlot. They seem purposeless to me. They're uncomfortable. They don't shape as well as a good body shaper will. And I'll be damned if you're going to convince me they keep you warm. Tights may do better. Pantyhose... no. So wearers of Manty hose "for warmth" get a MAJOR Lady Cameroon Style side eye from me.

I'm all for people wearing what they want to wear. If you are a man who likes to wear ladies underpinnings, far be it from me to judge. Just don't do it under false presentes like "relaxation" and "keeping warm".

Real Housewives of New Jersey

Praise Jesus for this one. Really. They're going to give me no end of fodder. We might as well call this the Sopranos II.

Check out these five wildly unattractive, I mean, lovely ladies*.

*smh* at these women sullying the pristine reputation of Jersey Girls. **overloud guffaw** geez, I couldn't even say that with a straight face. Let's try again. *SMH* at these chicks airing our State's dirty laundry. Everyone knows what's really up in NJ... just nobody TALKS about it.

Even though three of the five are Italian-American, two of them are sisters who are married to brothers and all of the husbands work on industries like "contstruction", they swear up and down that they are not like the Sopranos. Yeah right, and Neyo doesn't dance around to "I'm Every Woman" in pink satin boxers at night.

For this show, I might actually cave in and get cable. I need to see this tomfoolery unfold for myself from the comfort of my chaise lounge. I hear one of them gets mad and orders a hit on the other one-- or something like that.

"Baby, get me some caramel soy crisps! Real housewives of New Jersey is on!!"
*is it just me or does it look like ALL OF EM have had recent Botox and breast augmentations?

May is National Masturbation Month

I just found out about this... and I work in STD prevention. I suck. Literally (sorry, couldn't help it). So, the Mizzoni Center in Philadelphia is a sexual health center for LGBT folk. But they aint the only ones that can benefit from a little loving of thyself.

I'm convinced that there would be less strife, turmoil and other 'bad stuff' in the World, if more people 'loved' themselves. I mean, it really is the safest form of sex, and its sex with someone you love (hopefully). Also, I'm a firm believer that you must love yourself first, before you will be able to love others, and let them love you.

I know, I'm a self proclaimed Christ follower and many religions teach against it... but seriously? Those admonitions were more about not procreating and less about self pleasure. I believe God wants me to be happy. And loving myself makes me happy. And... its a total turn on for my husband when he catches me doing it. So it also makes our marriage stronger. Can't beat that!!

Self love is the best love. And we have a whole month to celebrate... VIGOROUSLY!!


So I'm famous for saying I don't tweet. I mean, I REALLY don't think I'm THAT INTERESTING.

Welp. I can't say that anymore. I caved into peer pressure (Damn u CROWNIE) and got a Twitter account. On a TRIAL basis. They have 24 hours to impress me, or I'm going inactive. If you want me to stay on Twitter, then by all means, feel free to follow my uninteresting and mundane self....

That's all I have for you beautiful people. Stay happy, stay healthy and stay blessed! I'll catch you on the flip!

Peace and love...
The Retrospect

Monday, May 04, 2009

Bogus Birthday... sort of. Okay, not really.

So for those of you who haven't heard, you're favorite Rebel Intellectual spent her 29th Born Day at the Emergency Room. Diagnosis: Strep Throat. Yep... F my life....

Dear Mother Nature (and your cacophony of infectious streptococci bacteria),

You emotional hatin-azz, moody azz breezy!! Thanks so much for the bogus birfday gift. Strep throat!! Its what I always wanted.... in a parallel universe where torture is the joie de vivre. I would cuss yo azz out for hatin on the RI and making her stay in bed but, your bogus gift did have some upsides:

1. I got to by babied my my dear sweet mother. Ain't nothing like the mom brand of TLC when you're sick. Sure, Significant Other brand may provide more of a rush, but when SO can barely take care of himself, Mom knows all the tricks and treats to make being sick more palatable. I've said it before and I'll say it again.. I have THE BEST MOM EVER!

2. Sympathy upped the gift factor. I got money in the cards this year. You know, the ones that normally just come with a hearty handshake and a hug.

3. My lovely man gave me the most GORGEOUS roses I have ever seen. I mean, granted, he would have given me flowers anyway, but these are just AMAZING. Have you ever seen real lavender roses? This pic doesn't even do them justice, they are that beautiful. And they have opened up since then. Just glorious.

4. I lost 12 lbs from not being able to get anything down my gullet other than green tea with honey, my meds and vitamins. Call it a crash diet. I call it the jumpstart my Summer Hot Body Plan needed.

5. I'm at work, but no one really expects me to be productive. They're just happy I'm not dead. Yay for paid "goof-da-hell-off" time!!

6. Because I was sick on my celebration day, all my parties have been postponed until I feel better and can actually EAT my cake. Which means, I get extra time to be spoiled some more!!! And the weather will be deciedely nicer as well. HOLLA!!

7. I realized how many people truly care about me. People were calling and texting to make sure I was getting better, they were praying for me, talking about me at church functions and what not. Sending me encouraging e mails, texts and FB messages. But none of y'all will get me to eat!! I'm loving the fact my 'skinny' jeans are not 'skinny' jeans anymore... time to go shoppin!!

So see Madre Natura.... you tried to bring me down. But I'm a truly blessed one. You can knock me down, but you can't take me out!

But I'mma still call a spade a spade.... YOU HATIN' AZZ BREEZY!!! I hope El Nino sucks on your nipples so hard they callous over. There! Take that!