Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
This is just a quick ANGRY blog. I am so sick of the police right now. Why? In Philadelphia last night two young boys were murdered execution style. The police are 'stymied' because they have few leads. Their reason for having few leads? "They don't seem to be involved in anything." This is a quote from the investigators that means "Well, they're not drug dealers or gang members or bad kids, so we are stumped."
They are saying that there is no way these two good boys (one volunteered at his church, the other was in the Police Cadet Exploration program) could just be shot senselessly- or for being good kids.
All our children are not deviants, and the ones who behave as such are severely troubled and victims of a system that has failed them. But the police seem to assume that the opposite is true, especially when something tragic like this occurs.
Philadelphia Police= EPIC FAIL on this.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
So, unless you have been living under a rock for the past week or so, you have heard the word "Pirate" thrown around on the TV, radio and interwebs. This word conjures up visions of "Arr me hearties" and "buried chests" and "walking the plank". But that's not the piracy of 2009. Now, its a bonafide business, complete with investors, sunk costs, marginal costs, operational costs, profit--- and yes, RULES and REGULATIONS.
And no doubt you've heard about a nation that was last World Wide worthy news in 1991-92 (that would be Somalia). A country that has been barely hanging on to the term 'country' for over 30 years.
Folks were celebrating the rescue (and concurrent execution) that occurred yesterday when U.S. Navy Seals (aka Gubment Sanctioned Crazy MOFO's wit GUNS) extracted the American shipping captian being held hostage by Somali Pirates, while killing 3 and taking a 4th into custody.
I'm going to say this before I move on to the crux of my rant.
I am rooting for the Pirates. Yeah, I said it. Their country is in ruins, their government--- what government?? They are being exploited by the rest of the world. They can't feed their kids. Eff what ya heard, piracy is the new black.
This phenomenon is merely a symptom of the illness inflicted upon The Continent (heck, the entire WORLD) hundreds of years ago---COLONIALISM.
The scramble that occurred starting with the Spanish Empire and their Armada cruising the globe, invading the lands of sovereign peoples and conquering them through the patented plan of "infect, divide, exploit, decimate and convert." Colonialism was far and away, one of the most VILE things to ever happen to the planet and her people. It has some disgusting spawn as well: Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade and her twin sister Indian Ocean Slave Trade, their nasty brother Genocide and baby spawnlets Hegemony and Neo-Colonialism (who is heir apparent to the destruction of national sovereignty-- of non-Western nations, that is). THANK YOU EUROPE FOR BENDING MOTHER EARTH'S PEOPLE OVER A TABLE AND WELL... YOU KNOW.
Don't believe me? Think I'm going a bit overboard? Consider this.
In North America, the most widely spoken language is SPANISH **side eye to Spain**
The second most widely spoken language is ENGLISH **side eye England**
In Sub-Saharan Africa, when children go to school, they don't learn in their native tongues... they learn in ENGLISH, FRENCH, DUTCH or GERMAN.
The Indian Subcontinent was OWNED by England until the early 1940's....
All my Filipino friends have Catalan last names (i.e. Hernandez, Fernandez...) and only learn Pinoy at home. They learn Spanish in school.
South America and the Caribbean-- Spain and Portugal left one heck of a GINORMOUS footprint all over them. The only reason the language and cultre of native peoples survived there? They were too hard to reach living in the mountains or deep in the Amazon. But then again, not all were spared. When was the last time you met a Taino? Didn't think so.
And South Africa? Yeah ***MAJOR SIDE EYE TO THE DUTCH** thanks SOOOOO much for Apartheid. Really. Thanks, BUNCHES. **also extra long side eye to DeBeers (you know, "A Diamond is Forever"?) for Rwanda and Tanzania as well*
My point-- Western Europe's legacy of scrambling for lands outside their own still LOUDLY echoes around the Globe. Heck, entire languages have DISAPPEARED under this fact.
So what does this have to do with the price of pencils in Pyongyang?
Like I said before, the Somali Piracy 'problem' is merely a symptom of a people fighting back (however ill-advisedly) against the system that has left them with a nation in ruin.
It always pisses me off when people talk about how corrupt and ineffectual many African governments are. How they are characterized by infighting, conflict and at best general yuckyness. At worst... constant civil war. They therefore use this to rationalize that these governments are utterly incapbable of functioning as sovereign entities and need 'help' from western nations who 'have got it right'... aka Neo-Colonialism.
What they conveniently forget is that the face of the African Continent was drawn all over with black permanent India Ink (which, by the way is a British import from its colony..) by European leaders. Before the time of Navies and Armadas, the African people had their own sovereignty systems. Sure they weren't perfect, and they would go to war, or kidnap, or enslave... but that's generally what happens when nations in conflict collide. Things get messy. But they eventually resolve and quiet down.
The scramble for gold and other resources had European nations rushing to Africa like Hollywood starlets rush to St. Tropez. Everyone wanted a piece of the action. Now, they all couldn't have the same pieces of land, so they carved them up "this is yours, this is mine" style. Nevermind that they were surreptitiously forcing tribes, nations and clans that had not gotten along for generations to all of a sudden become one nation, but they felt it was their right to just up and jack someone else's swag! As a matter of fact, this internal dislike was exactly the tool needed to make sure the people stayed subjugated and never unified to rise up and eject these usurpers. Textbook 'Divide and Conquer'. What the Hell, Europe?
Fast forward to the mid 1900's when these African Colonies realized they were gettin smoked with the Okie Doke and it was time to evict Sir England and M. France... or Sir England and M. France realized that it would be more profitable, and less mess to just trade with a new sovereign that was used to dealing with them. **enter the Wave of Independence** Now, we have these provisional governments set up as permanent governments. Many are acheived by violent coups and civil war. Remember those clans and tribes I was talking about? They STILL don't like each other. The rapid departure of the colonial masters' and their armies destablizied nations enough that now we have people going batshit crazy to control what was left. Some managed to hold 'free' elections... but other's just shot up the place until the opposition relented.
So now, you have groups that don't like each other but are FORCED to live together in order to be recognized as independent sovereigns by the International Community. Enter backbiting, in-fighting, coups, civil wars and genocide. Throw in some terrorist groups that thrive off of recruiting the disenfranchised and disenchanted. Sprinkle in illegal arms from rogue nations. And for kicks let's add drought, famine, HIV/AIDS, poor education and exploitation. TADA!! You have the perfect quagmire that is RIFE with pirates, guerillas, terrorists, genocidal leaders and desperate people.
Somalia is just a microcosm of this larger, messier nastier phenomenon. As the old saying goes, 'Desperate times call for desperate measures.' And you wonder why people are turing to piracy... and why landed Somalis and expats applaud and even finaincially support it. Its a form of rebellion. Its a form of sustenance. Heck, it even stimulates the local economy. Every hood person know you gotta get your hustle on to make it. This is their hustle. THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT RIGHT. But IT DOESN'T MAKE IT UNEQUIVOCALLY WRONG,EITHER.
You may not agree with my views. And frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn. Clearly I am a left wing socialist lunatic who believes in crazy things like fairness, human rights, equal opportunity, government lucidity and accountability... and other such rot. I must be insane.
Before I go, I just wanted to post this little pic. Think about it.
Oh and as for piracy..... yeah, I'm looking at YOU Bernie Madoff. Lehman Brothers. Enron. AIG. Citicorp. Yeah... lookin at you EXTRA HARD.
Friday, April 03, 2009
In essence, this "writer" said the following about our magnificent First Lady:
- She is a racist (the ghost of the Right Reverend Wright strikes again!)
-She got her educational opportunities because of Affirmative Action
-She got her prominent career and impressive resume because of Affirmative Action
-She's a "James Brown Look-A-Like"
-She's a bitch
Oh, but it gets better. He also says the following:
"If we were a racist society, Oprah Winfrey, your fairy godmother, certainly wouldn’t be a billionaire; she’d be fetching someone’s mint julep. And Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice wouldn’t grow up to be secretaries of state; they’d be sweeping out the stables. And Will Smith and Denzel Washington wouldn’t be movie stars; they’d be in the fields picking cotton."
Before I pop off and get out of pocket... first, a prayer:
Dear Sweet Lord Jesus,
Thank you so much for creating the shallow end of the gene pool, and those it has begotten. Thank you for allowing them to be an endless flow of fodder when I have nothing else to write about. I pray Lord, that my words cut deep, cut true, and are hilarious. And please Lord, keep me in the Land of IGNANT, and deliver me from the Valley of Ignorance. In Your Precious Name, AMEN.
Now, I sauntered my way over to townhall.com just to take a look around. I like to research the places/people/things that I am about to verbally eviscerate. Never let it be said that I don't do my homework.
My first issue is mainly surface: Why is that site so BUSY? I mean, my eyes rebelled against me for making them try to take in too much disorganization at once. They were ready to quit me for abusing them. Just too much crammed into too little space. And poorly laid out. But I have noticed that many conservative sites, including our own Faux News, tend to be like this. I have theories as to why... but that is a whole nother post all by its lonsome.
Now, lets get to the duqois and foie gras of my rant.
First... I am WELL AWARE that this was an opinion column, and that people are entitled to their opinions... no matter how ludicrous, baseless and assinine they may be. However, when a person's opinions are hateful, full of vitriol and most importantly based in complete FALSEHOODS... well, I'mma take it upon my chocolate brown, baby faced 5'7" self to choke 'em up by the collar and shake some sense into their azz. Its my duty and I do it for the people.
Y'all know me... I'm a fan of methodical ranting. Let's deal with the ignorant (Not IGNANT) statements about our first lady.
Aight... seriously, this racist bit is old. Just stop it. Not because racism doesn't exist because it does (as so aptly exemplified by the writer of the column) but because folks are just GETTING IT WRONG. *sigh* Must I go through this... AGAIN? Alright, for all the dolts out there who CONTINUE to use it wrong... click the link below.
As the definition implies, in order to be racist, you must be in a group that has been given cause to find itself superior to another group, and therefore design de facto or de jure methods of subjugating an inferior group. Therefore, MINORITIES BY DEFINITION CANNOT BE RACIST. Moron.
But beyond semantics, let's get literal, shall we? Pointing out and describing a country's history of systematic disenfranchisment of minority groups does not make a person racist. Offering ideas an policies to correct hundreds of years of 'un-leveling' the playing field does not make a person racist. Calling people on the carpet and demanding they face their legacy and acknowledge it for what it is DOES NOT MAKE A PERSON RACIST. It makes them a truth teller. And as the author so pointedly descibed of his critics and their reaction to his verbal diarrhea, truth tellers aren't popular.
In addition, the writer of this here column states that since she was sitting in Reverend Wright's pews, was married by and had her babies baptized by him, she's got to be racist. Because he's racist. Let it never be said that this writer ain't consistent. He finds a theory that works and hammers away at it.
Look, I was raised by my mother for the first 18 years of my life. She happens to think I look lovely in the color yellow and dressed me in it for years (until I rebelled and started dressing like a chola... but that's another story). Guess what... I HATE the way I look in yellow. STILL. TO THIS DAY. She never indoctrinated me with her love for the color. Michelle and other intelligent folks are not vacuous holes for which indoctrination is ripe and ready to be poured into-- unless they're conservative columnists (sorry, I couldn't resist). The woman can have an independent thought and **gasp** disagree with her pastor. I disagree with mine all the time. It makes for lively debate.
Her education and career are due soley to Affirmative Action-- let's just kill two birds with this one masive boulder and move the fuck on, shall we? According to the U.S. Government, the largest beneficiary group of Affirmative Action is.... wait for it... Caucasian WOMEN. Not Black People. Not Asians. And its a matter of simple mathematics. Affirmative Action was designed to level the playing field for all marginalized groups... this includes Caucasian Women. Now... it is fact that Caucasian people in America vastly outnumber of African American people. So doesn't it mathematcially hold that Caucasian women would outnumber, AT THE VERY LEAST, the number of Black women who are benefitting from Aff. Act? Yeah.... SOMEONE needs to go back and study basic probability and statistics one more time. Since I am an epidemiologist by profession, I offer tutoring for $45 /hr.
Never mind that he insulted the woman's (and every other educated black person's) intelligence in that one stupid line. You, sir are OUT OF ORDER for that one.
First Lady Michelle Obama is a James Brown Doppleganger and therefore un-attractive.
I'mma take a line from my favorite show, The Boondocks. "Are you BLIND?"-Grandad
First of all... WHAT? This is un attractive?
Scusemesaywhatnah? Her figure is killer, her hair is lustrous--my gawt LOOK AT THOSE ARMS! Her sense of style is daring, yet charming. And she has a lovely smile.
Yeah.... she may not be his ideal, but she's certainly Barak's and last time I checked, HE'S the POTUS. Ain't nobody checking for the author's lumpy gray balding azz. **aside**Oh that's right, you're still sore about the beauty pageant LOSER (to a Black girl) cum weathergirl cum governor from Alaska. Doesn't matter that she was dumber than a box of rocks... just so long as she steamed up the white house Chrismas photos in a Santa's Little Helper outfit, right? Fukkouttaherewitthatshit.
And just for the record.... how many first ladies were deemed HAWT? Laura? Don't think so. Hilary? Nope. Barbara? HA! Nancy?? Not a snowballs chance in Hades. But there are plenty of straight men (since this particular brand of his vitriol was for my Gay BFF's) who would GLADLY steal Chelly from Barry. Make no mistake about that, hombre.
She's a bitch. Okay.... this is just plain old lazy. I mean really, he lowered himself to school yard name calling? And using the anti-creative "bitch" as the insult of choice? Yeah, he's a lazy bitchazz for just calling her a bitch for bitch-calling's sake. He ain't creative. He ain't clever. He ain't funny. He's just a crotchety old mysoginist azzhole.
Oh and I didn't forget about this part: "If we were a racist society, Oprah Winfrey, your fairy godmother, certainly wouldn’t be a billionaire; she’d be fetching someone’s mint julep. And Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice wouldn’t grow up to be secretaries of state; they’d be sweeping out the stables. And Will Smith and Denzel Washington wouldn’t be movie stars; they’d be in the fields picking cotton."
Welsah thank yuh mighty much mista suh fo' lettin us po negros come and try and do some things to make something of our otherwise pointless lives. We sho does 'preshiate u lettin is into yo schools, yo neighborhoods and yo' companies. We just prays tuh Almighty Gawd that we don't mess ovuh the chance that you doned given us tuh make sumthing of ourselvses. Thank you Suh! Thank ya!
Oh yeah, and FUCK YOU.
Thursday, April 02, 2009
Okay... I have to apologize for being MIA (and my appearances will continue to be sporadic till round about mid-June) but its been rough on the plantation. Much tings a gwan in the world of Tuberculosis this time of year.
But I had to stop through with this little gem o foolishness... a roast of EPIC PROPORTIONS of picture of a member of a certain Greek organization at an event. Argh!
Me and my ePosse had a ball with this one. The offender's indentity has been blocked out to protect... well... EVERYONE.
BBMo: Warning.... retinal assault in 5....4...3....2...1.....
PBG: I hate EVERYTHING!!!
Thanks for the daymares, BBMo!!
8th Wonder: I know him. Its worse in real life, and he tries to hug me at hot summer picnics looking just like that. FML.
PBG: you have my sympathies. I would be tryin' to throw the nasty potato salad that nobody will admit to making on his puzzling ass and make my escape! His body hair follicles look segregated.
Luvvie: My inner eye is JUST developed cataract. Damn. My 3rd eye just went blind for this. What did I do to deserve this morning visual ass whooping? I, Luvvie, hereby declare BlackBerry Molasses, a faux-friend. If you loved me, you wouldnt have sent that.
Why do his man tits look like coconuts w/ pube hair? I mean, he couldn't get an s-curl kit and work it out? He selfish. And my condolences to you, 8th. If he tried to hug me, I'd prolly fall to the floor and writhe around, like scarlet did when she tumbled off the table.
BBMo: OMG 8th, you KNOW him?? I am SOOOOOO SORRY. I didn't mean to make you remember horrors. Really. I am SORRY!!!! **wall slide**
8th Wonder: Yes girl, we're real cool with the Ques in this area, so I see that shirtless fool all the time. Yall think its bad when he's standing still, imagine how it gets when he's strolling and hopping.
Oh god. I just threw up in my mouth a lil bit.
PBG: Aif Wondra...I can't even think of a suitable punishment for you for giving me that imagery on this day that the Lord has made.
ZeeBaby: You gonna try and KILL me knowing the recession is just waiting for me to fall down? I don't even know what to say! Mine eyes! Mine active imagination! MY PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY.
8th Wonder: bounce bounce
BBMo: **winces and clutches stomach** I think my stomach just decided to quit me, effective IMMEDIATELY.
If that wasn't enough, me and PBG continued on an extended roast as an aside....
****PBG and BBMo's Aside*******
PBG: Mmmhmm my mind's eye lost it's ability to blink after that
BBMo: sorry... but i warned y'all of the visual assault. you know the f*ckery i perpetuate
PBG: honestly, iCackled
BBMo: that picture was JARRING like, it made me stop speaking in mid sentence made me stop thinking in mid thought
PBG: made me stop breathing in mid breath!
BBMo: just made me stop arrested all higher level brain function and lower level as well... dang it, that picture nearly took my LIFE that's why I sent it! if you heard I was dead, i wanted y'all to know who killed me
PBG: evidence that's right, leave a trail for CSI
BBMo: exactly. i wasn't just inadvertently perpetuating jackassery.... i was making sure he got what was coming to him!! an s-curl chest treatment, and a gym membership.
PBG: he needs a flamin hot body wax and powerful prayer
BBMo: I like em big.....but his tiddays can NOT rival mine in size JUST NO
PBG: Dude got me beat
BBMo: He looks like he's AT LEAST a C-Cup... da hell?
PBG: he'd need a strap extender tho
BBMo: you ain't neva lied!! I haven't seen a 64 C even in specialty bra shops
PBG: nope, not ever
BBMo: them hairy jimsens in a bra??? *shudders* nah, he need a sport camisole with an underwire so I don't see cleavage, because I'd throw up. my mind's eye would throw up. my future children would throw up
PBG: my ancestors would call fuckery
BBMo: and Aif KNOWS him?!?!?! I am sad for her lifespace he tries to hug her SECURITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PBG: I'd beat his ass w/a badmitton racket if he ran up on me @ a picnic
BBMo: OMG if I saw him coming I would seriously take off in the other direction.... while calling 911
PBG: him is scary @ me
BBMo: soooooooooooooo scary @ me just all outta order... outta pocket...he got me out of thin air
PBG: that just needs to be covered up. at all times in bed, in the park, in the shower
BBMo: I heard he's a Philly bruh... if I SEEEEES him, Imma run up on him with a XXXXL black t-shirt and just throw it over his head and keep running!! and I'mma slide him a coupon for wal-mart... so he can keep his wardrobe fully stocked for the LAWD as my witness, that picture shall NEVER happen AGAIN
We some ignant asses.... ain't we?
Catch y'all on the flip!!
The Molasses One.