Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Why Are You So STUPID? OR People Who Are Voting for Nader Are Pretentious Sacks of Sh*t.

As I was taking my morning ride from Jersey to Philadelphia, I saw something in the Metro that completely enraged me. So much so, that I actually made a calendar appointment for myself to blog it. This is something I never do. While thumbing through the Election ’08 section, I saw this:

Readers’ letters
Media ignoring other candidates
“The press has refused the proper view of candidates who are offering to America and get the power-hungry two major parties out. I am voting for Ralph Nader**, and 100 million non-partisan voters may also vote Nader. You, the media, owe the truth. There are six on the ballot.”
E.O. Ellis, Massachusetts
** I swear it took everything in me not to VOMIT while typing those words.

Now, I don’t have anything against Ralph Nader… except for the fact that he might be able to be accused of being a purposeful spoiler in the 2000 Presidential (S)Election of Bush over Gore. Outside of that, I actually like a lot of his policy ideas. He could probably make an excellent Commander-In-Chief… if he had a snowball’s chance in Hell of getting elected. Which he doesn’t. And this is why people who are going to vote for Nader enrage the hell out of me. Here are the reasons I think people who are going to Vote for Nader, are pretentious sacks of shit. I will start with the above letter as a reference point and spit venom from there

1. Nader didn’t run a national campaign. He never had rallies, press conferences, went to ball games, kissed babies, shook hands, none of it. At least, not on a national scale. Not even a regional scale. That renders this statement: “The press has refused the proper view of candidates who are offering to restore America and get the power-hungry two major parties out.” as complete BUPKISS. If he was truly running for President of the United States, he would have done things on the NATIONAL scale. He would have demanded to be invited to the debates. He would have launched a grassroots (as opposed to a viral) campaign. Hell, even crazy chicken man Ross Perot did that at least. Consequently, he got national coverage. Therefore, this sentence earns E.O. from Ellis, MA a SIT THE FUCK DOWN AND SHUT THE FUCK UP Award.

2. “I am voting for Ralph Nader” Why? Like I said, while Nader is great and has great ideas for change, HE HASN’T GOT A SNOWBALLS CHANCE IN HELL OF WINNING THE GENERAL ELECTION. Even if every registered independent voted for him instead of one of the major party candidates, it still wouldn’t amount to a significant enough number to swing the election his way. So what exactly is your purpose for Voting Nader? Is it a protest vote? Is it a vote on principle? Are you just a pompous dipshit who clings hopelessly to their “high minded individuality”? Give me a fucking break. Your protest vote isn’t going to do anything except take a vote away from candidates who actually have a chance of winning this election and changing the national political scene (trying to be non-partisan here but… OBAMA/ BIDEN ’08!). For all that non-sense, you might as well just stay your silly ass at home and stop clogging up the line for people who really want to vote for change. (Coincidentally, a lot of Nader’s ideas are strikingly similar to the candidate whose name rhymes with yo mama)

3. “…and 100 million non-partisan voters may also vote Nader.” Hmmmm, mighty full of ourselves, aren’t we? Well, actually, I’m just going to go with FUCKING DELUSIONAL… Next!

4. “You, the media, owe the truth. There are six on the ballot.” I don’t know which of these sentences is more preposterous. The statement that the media owes the truth(HA!) or that there are four other presidential candidates that people have actually heard of and care about and have chance of WINNING on the ballot. The media owes truth in theory. However, since they are owned by people who have their own politically skewed views, believing that the media will tell you the complete truth is as na├»ve as believing that life is fair, or that Santa Claus exists, or that I wouldn’t want to put my foot up the narrow behind of the person who wrote this letter. It also signals to me that people like this are smoke-screening their passive complacency by appearing to be an activist/truth-seeker. If they were really concerned about truth in the media and/or getting the word out there about these candidates, then they would do something more proactive like submitting and op-ed, starting online periodicals or getting out there and speaking their truth. THESE people like make my ass twitch.

If you are one of these mo-mos who plans to vote for Nader, do us ALL a favor and just stay home on Nov. 4th. Please understand that the shenanigans that Nader Voters facilitated in 2000 have not been forgotten. Moreover, if similar tomfoolery happens THIS TIME, the backlash could be nothing short of the country imploding. Also, you might get ONED waiting in line to vote if you don't. Cause you know y'all are just so fucking proud to be voting for Nader, that you will reek of pretention and self-righteousness. And we all know how much people like that are loved.

*inhales*
Okay, I’m done now.

What say you about Vote for Nader-ites?

1 comment:

Blackberry Molasses/The Rebel Intellectual said...

okay... totally NOT related but that classic Aston Martin at the bottom of the screen?? YEAH, I NEED THAT IN MY LIFE!!!!

Holy Bajiggers that car is HOT!