Verbal Evisceration of a Racist Mofo

Aight, so I was over the the freshxpress.com and stubled across this article. You should go over and take a gander, but for the quick and dirty, it is a post of an article written in response to a columnist on the conservative website townhall.com (I'll be damned if Imma link that horse shit to my page... you gon' have to get over there the old fashioned way).

In essence, this "writer" said the following about our magnificent First Lady:
- She is a racist (the ghost of the Right Reverend Wright strikes again!)
-She got her educational opportunities because of Affirmative Action
-She got her prominent career and impressive resume because of Affirmative Action
-She's a "James Brown Look-A-Like"
-She's a bitch

Oh, but it gets better. He also says the following:
"If we were a racist society, Oprah Winfrey, your fairy godmother, certainly wouldn’t be a billionaire; she’d be fetching someone’s mint julep. And Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice wouldn’t grow up to be secretaries of state; they’d be sweeping out the stables. And Will Smith and Denzel Washington wouldn’t be movie stars; they’d be in the fields picking cotton."

Before I pop off and get out of pocket... first, a prayer:

Dear Sweet Lord Jesus,
Thank you so much for creating the shallow end of the gene pool, and those it has begotten. Thank you for allowing them to be an endless flow of fodder when I have nothing else to write about. I pray Lord, that my words cut deep, cut true, and are hilarious. And please Lord, keep me in the Land of IGNANT, and deliver me from the Valley of Ignorance. In Your Precious Name, AMEN.

Now, I sauntered my way over to townhall.com just to take a look around. I like to research the places/people/things that I am about to verbally eviscerate. Never let it be said that I don't do my homework.

My first issue is mainly surface: Why is that site so BUSY? I mean, my eyes rebelled against me for making them try to take in too much disorganization at once. They were ready to quit me for abusing them. Just too much crammed into too little space. And poorly laid out. But I have noticed that many conservative sites, including our own Faux News, tend to be like this. I have theories as to why... but that is a whole nother post all by its lonsome.

Now, lets get to the duqois and foie gras of my rant.

First... I am WELL AWARE that this was an opinion column, and that people are entitled to their opinions... no matter how ludicrous, baseless and assinine they may be. However, when a person's opinions are hateful, full of vitriol and most importantly based in complete FALSEHOODS... well, I'mma take it upon my chocolate brown, baby faced 5'7" self to choke 'em up by the collar and shake some sense into their azz. Its my duty and I do it for the people.

Y'all know me... I'm a fan of methodical ranting. Let's deal with the ignorant (Not IGNANT) statements about our first lady.

Aight... seriously, this racist bit is old. Just stop it. Not because racism doesn't exist because it does (as so aptly exemplified by the writer of the column) but because folks are just GETTING IT WRONG. *sigh* Must I go through this... AGAIN? Alright, for all the dolts out there who CONTINUE to use it wrong... click the link below.

racism

As the definition implies, in order to be racist, you must be in a group that has been given cause to find itself superior to another group, and therefore design de facto or de jure methods of subjugating an inferior group. Therefore, MINORITIES BY DEFINITION CANNOT BE RACIST. Moron.

But beyond semantics, let's get literal, shall we? Pointing out and describing a country's history of systematic disenfranchisment of minority groups does not make a person racist. Offering ideas an policies to correct hundreds of years of 'un-leveling' the playing field does not make a person racist. Calling people on the carpet and demanding they face their legacy and acknowledge it for what it is DOES NOT MAKE A PERSON RACIST. It makes them a truth teller. And as the author so pointedly descibed of his critics and their reaction to his verbal diarrhea, truth tellers aren't popular.

In addition, the writer of this here column states that since she was sitting in Reverend Wright's pews, was married by and had her babies baptized by him, she's got to be racist. Because he's racist. Let it never be said that this writer ain't consistent. He finds a theory that works and hammers away at it.
Look, I was raised by my mother for the first 18 years of my life. She happens to think I look lovely in the color yellow and dressed me in it for years (until I rebelled and started dressing like a chola... but that's another story). Guess what... I HATE the way I look in yellow. STILL. TO THIS DAY. She never indoctrinated me with her love for the color. Michelle and other intelligent folks are not vacuous holes for which indoctrination is ripe and ready to be poured into-- unless they're conservative columnists (sorry, I couldn't resist). The woman can have an independent thought and **gasp** disagree with her pastor. I disagree with mine all the time. It makes for lively debate.

Her education and career are due soley to Affirmative Action-- let's just kill two birds with this one masive boulder and move the fuck on, shall we? According to the U.S. Government, the largest beneficiary group of Affirmative Action is.... wait for it... Caucasian WOMEN. Not Black People. Not Asians. And its a matter of simple mathematics. Affirmative Action was designed to level the playing field for all marginalized groups... this includes Caucasian Women. Now... it is fact that Caucasian people in America vastly outnumber of African American people. So doesn't it mathematcially hold that Caucasian women would outnumber, AT THE VERY LEAST, the number of Black women who are benefitting from Aff. Act? Yeah.... SOMEONE needs to go back and study basic probability and statistics one more time. Since I am an epidemiologist by profession, I offer tutoring for $45 /hr.

Never mind that he insulted the woman's (and every other educated black person's) intelligence in that one stupid line. You, sir are OUT OF ORDER for that one.

First Lady Michelle Obama is a James Brown Doppleganger and therefore un-attractive.

I'mma take a line from my favorite show, The Boondocks. "Are you BLIND?"-Grandad

First of all... WHAT? This is un attractive?
Scusemesaywhatnah? Her figure is killer, her hair is lustrous--my gawt LOOK AT THOSE ARMS! Her sense of style is daring, yet charming. And she has a lovely smile.

Yeah.... she may not be his ideal, but she's certainly Barak's and last time I checked, HE'S the POTUS. Ain't nobody checking for the author's lumpy gray balding azz. **aside**Oh that's right, you're still sore about the beauty pageant LOSER (to a Black girl) cum weathergirl cum governor from Alaska. Doesn't matter that she was dumber than a box of rocks... just so long as she steamed up the white house Chrismas photos in a Santa's Little Helper outfit, right? Fukkouttaherewitthatshit.

And just for the record.... how many first ladies were deemed HAWT? Laura? Don't think so. Hilary? Nope. Barbara? HA! Nancy?? Not a snowballs chance in Hades. But there are plenty of straight men (since this particular brand of his vitriol was for my Gay BFF's) who would GLADLY steal Chelly from Barry. Make no mistake about that, hombre.

She's a bitch. Okay.... this is just plain old lazy. I mean really, he lowered himself to school yard name calling? And using the anti-creative "bitch" as the insult of choice? Yeah, he's a lazy bitchazz for just calling her a bitch for bitch-calling's sake. He ain't creative. He ain't clever. He ain't funny. He's just a crotchety old mysoginist azzhole.

Oh and I didn't forget about this part: "If we were a racist society, Oprah Winfrey, your fairy godmother, certainly wouldn’t be a billionaire; she’d be fetching someone’s mint julep. And Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice wouldn’t grow up to be secretaries of state; they’d be sweeping out the stables. And Will Smith and Denzel Washington wouldn’t be movie stars; they’d be in the fields picking cotton."

Welsah thank yuh mighty much mista suh fo' lettin us po negros come and try and do some things to make something of our otherwise pointless lives. We sho does 'preshiate u lettin is into yo schools, yo neighborhoods and yo' companies. We just prays tuh Almighty Gawd that we don't mess ovuh the chance that you doned given us tuh make sumthing of ourselvses. Thank you Suh! Thank ya!

Oh yeah, and FUCK YOU.