I resolve....

Hey there good peoples.

So we all know today is the last day of two-double odd-eight. As we arrive on the cusp of the beginnning our 2009th trip since the Death of Christ, around our yellow hydrogen- into- helium- converting- massive center of the Solar System, so comes the tradition of commitments to change/growth/self-discovery and evolution that will accompany each indivdual on the next 365.25 day journey.

The good part about New Year's Resolutions we are human. We are idealistic and hopeful. We tend to take a look inward and examine the things we want to do to improve upon ourselves and hopefully the world in which we live. The bad part about them is that... we are human. We suck at committing to anything, but especially change. That makes us cynical, self-esteem destroying nutcases.

I have come to the point where typical resolutions just don't 'do it' for me anymore. Getting healthy, loving more, learning something new, traveling more or whatever, shouldn't have to wait until New Year's Day before on resolves to make it happen. As the old skool Nike commercials said... JUST DO IT.

So, what is the point of all my preachy-ness above? Where is the funny, you ask? Well, in lieu of regular-ass resolutions, I have made up some new ones that I think people will appreciate.

1. I resolve to never wear matching socks for the rest of 2009. Matching socks was soooo 2008. Mismatching socks is what's hot for the '09! I'mma give myself bonus points if they are visible and horribly mismatched. Think the argyle trouser sock and the stripped trouser sock with flats.

2. I am going to create another nickname for myself. Something random and stupid. Hayle, if Benoncay can call herself Sasha Fierce, then I can call myself something just as moronic. I'm thinking Boomquisha Flyness, Esq.

3. I'm going to start naming more inanimate objects. My car is already Niobi. My ipod, Imelda Marcos II. I think Imma call my couch Mooshie. Maybe I'll name all my shoes (dang, that might take me till 2010)!!!

4. Two words. Pig Latin. I'm-ay esurrecting-ray at-thay.

5. In the languages department, there will be MORE YODA SPEAK. Gone, you thought it was. With a vengance, return it will.

6. I resolve to keep a bottle of liquor in my desk. As the Boy Scouts said... "Always be prepared." I intend to be prepared to get it crunk at all times.

7. In order to survive long ass boring ass meetings, I am going to up my "face making" skills. I intend on attempting to crack up at least one person per meeting.

Seven is my lucky number, so I will stop here.

Have a safe, happy and healthy new year. Be careful and thoughtful in your libations this evening. And for the love of all things good on the Earth, if you have been drinking, PLEASE don't drive.

Peace and love,

Me.