Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Blog Roast: The Cadillac Records Premier: Part 2

Now that you have been teased and titillated by part one, it is time for the roast to ensue. The Movie Premier that was one big fashion "What in the SAM HILL?!"

I just wanted to remind y'all how WRONG Bey's dress is.
Do you see this? It looks like a Hefty Bag stretched over her goodies... with a cape. And then the bottom... what is going one exactly? Is that House of Damnitswrong embroidery/sequins on it?

Oooh lawd!

Next victim: Adrien Brody

What exactly is going on with Adrien Brody?? Why does he look like a bootleg dirty replica of the typical image of my Lord and Saviour? Why?!?! Couldn't (wouldn't) see a barber, Brody? Just because you got money you can look like an ant farm is taking up residence in your facial hair?! I think not. EPIC FAIL.

Cedric the Entertainer

Homie, why are you doin too much? You looking good man. You dropped some weight... but also lost your damn SAT DOWN sense. What is with the scarf? Tied thickly around your (no)neck? Wasn't this premiere in LA? Since when is a scarf needed in LA... ever? Oh I get it, you listened to that song about the guys waving their designer scarves all over the place in the ultimate show of bitchassness. I know you ain't no high fashion dude, but seriously, this is ASSAULT on my eyes. SAT DOWN.

Gabby Union

You know, I think Gabrielle is one of the most beautiful women on Earth. And generally speaking, she dresses well. But seriously WTF Gabby??!?! You fucked up not once, but TWICE?! Da hell? Did you give your stylist a fruit cake for Christmas? Run over her dog with your car? Tell her her breath smelled like head cheese? Because these faux pas are payback for SOMETHING. First of all, did they run out of clear gel deodorant at your local drug store? I can send you some mama. Seriously.
Next the dress... where do I begin. Where are her breasts?. Just lookin like a 12 year old girl. It would be otherwise hot if it was cut correctly, but it aint. So its wrong. Just WRONG.

Toccara, I am MAD at you mama. For a number of reasons, least of all being your outfit.
First, you made us thick girls proud by going on ANTM and wrecking shop as a plus sized model. Then you go and get all.. non plus sized... except for your boobs. Looks like you walking around with two basketballs stuck on your chest. STOP IT.

The dress... HAWT MESS! Too many textures and details going on. Is it sheer layered over satin? Is it lace? Is it a bubble dress? Is it a babydoll? Is it form fitting? Is it loose flowing? WAITAMINUTE... its ALL OF THE ABOVE!!!
**BBMo's eyes are twitching from the pain of assault**

But I could get past the dress if it wasn't for.... YOUR ASHY LEGS PANTYHOSE! Never heard of fleshtone hose?
Girl, it looks like you are ALLERGIC to LOTION. Naw mama. And then... you wear pantyhose with open toed t-strap sandals... and are those your TOES poking out? Oh, and your HAIR. I'm a fan of big hair but you really do look like you got a head full of curly fries. I'mma stop now because I just don't have the energy to expend on your wrongness, Lady. Lawdamussy!

That's all for right now... stay tuned for part 3... the finale of this fashion travesty, the Cadillac Records Premier Roast


Marian said...

Just fell upon your blog today...this one had me chuckling OUT LOUD! You are too funny.

Eb the Celeb said...

i stopped trying to figure out tocarra's wardrobe choices a loooooong time ago.. but yeah... gabi's dress was so NOT cute

Lil Honey B said...

Sadly enough, your assesments of everyone's fashion is correct.