Chronicles of a Lost WomanChild

You work out? Yeah, right! or Why this faux concern for "FATTIES" really grinds my gears

2010-07-23T21:21:00.004-05:00

You see them legs in that profile pic? I wasn't born with those. Those are a product of a ton of hard work.

Those legs belong to a girl who wears greater than a size 12 and up until about 4 years ago, wore greater than a size 20.

I AM one of those chicks who works out exceptionally hard (hell, I've graduated from p90x TWICE), does her best to eat as healthy as possible and still wears a 16. NO LIE. I run 3-5 miles a day. I can out-push up /out pull-up my husband (and most men at my gym) . And I've lapped many a skinny girl on the track.

I do all the "right" things, but don’t look it. At least.. I don't look it to people who have a mental heuristic of a healthy person also being a thin person.

I don’t do it for looks. I'm not trying to get skinny. The skinny anesthetic doesn't work for me. I know because when I was sick a few months back and had abdominal surgery, I lost a ton of weight from not consuming a single thing other than lukewarm green tea. People thought I had cancer. No, really, people were scared I was going to die. My hair was falling out, my skin was ashen and my eyes were sunken. But I was thin(ner)! o_O

No, I don't do it solely for looks. I do it because my father has the trifecta (hypertension, diabetes and high cholesterol– and he’s THIN) and I don’t want that to be me. But my numbers are great and my doctor (blessedly) continues to compassionately encourage my healthy living. Looking better in my clothes, buying smaller sizes is the byproduct and serendipitous benefit of my efforts. The icing on the cake, if you will.

But I have an admission to make. This seemingly confident girl is exceptionally fragile. I read an article on the FreshXpress (which I refuse to link cuz that shit was MEAN and STUPID) that caused me to question my commitment to my lifestyle. It actually had me a little messed up in the head for a while. I was downing myself because, for a MOMENT I questioned whether or not I was doing enough. I even almost cancelled a trip to Las Vegas with my dearest college buddies because I thought I was going to be the biggest girl there. I was scared to hang out with girls who knew me and loved me when I was near or at my largest. My homegirl had to give me a reality check (and I love her for it) cuz I was slowly going toward the deep end.

That alone proves just how fragile a woman’s– hell a PERSON’S psyche can be. How certain things people say or do can be triggers and tipping points that can send them off the edge into unhealthy thinking and behavior. You never know a person’s history or where they are on their journey. Reminding yourself of this is important before you go judging folk or screaming “INTERVENTION!” based on how a person looks.

I’ve always been a big girl- even as a baby (9lbs 2 oz,23 inches long)- just like my mama and her sisters, so being super slender clearly is not in my genetic make up. But the day I realized I was about to buy a pair of size 24 jeans was an eyebrow raiser for me. When I went to my doc because my feet were constantly swelling and she told me my blood pressure was in the pre-hypertensive range?! Oh that shook me into reality so fast. I realized that I wasn't healthy. I didn't realize it because someone shamed me into it. I didn't do it so that people would stop talking about me. I did it because I saw the road I was going down and I decided that was not going to be my future.

I joined a gym with my then boyfriend (now husband). We work out together daily. We shop healthy together. We take care of ourselves, for ourselves and each other, because we want to be healthy active parents and partners to each other.

I’m 4 years into my new lifestyle and love it. My goal is fitness, strength and health for life– not a specific dress size.

Note: If you anonymously throw shade in the comments, I will verbally eviscerate your ass. If you throw shade and stand behind it, I'll still eviscerate you, but you may gain a modicum of respect. Hmmm... come to think of it, no, you won't.

AT&T and me or: We got relationship issues...

2010-07-16T07:37:00.004-05:00

Soooo... first of all, hey!

I know, I know I been triflin as hell not posting for 2 months. I'm sorry! Life is insane right now!!

Especially since I just got a bill for $315 from ATT Wireless. Yep, you read correctly. Three. Hundred. And. Fifteen. Dollars.

Admittedly, I went all the way over my anytime mintues... buy like double. But come ON. You just gon' hand me a big ass bill with NO warning? That's like dumping me and then churchscootin' over my broken heart.

So I had to write AT&T a letter. We gotta work this out, else I'm OUT this relationship.

Dear AT&T,

I’ve been with you since 2002! Through all your ups and downs. Your identity issues. When you were Cingular then ATT then Cingurlar then ATT. I been through ALL of it with you. Hell, I’ve been with you longer than I’ve been with my husband!

Can we work something out? Come on, you know you love my sweet ass.

Hey… HEY! Okay see, what you AIN'T finna do is holler at ME like you ain't got no damn sense! Don’t make me walk out the door on you. I seent Verizon checkin out my ass…AND they got the Droid?! And the BB Storm. Shew, I may have to go over there and see what’s up, if you gon' just be bitchy like this.

Ok, settle with all that neck rollin!! Oh you think that $165 cancellation fee scares me? Honey, that’s 1/2 the bill!!! Hell, its barely over my regular bill! I ain’t skeered. Test me…

Are you crying? Oh honey, I’m sorry. Come here. Look, I really don’t want to leave you. I mean, yes, our relationship has had its difficult moments. But I’m committed to this. Are you? Come on, lets work something out. I know we can.

Let’s make it work. For the children. For US.

LOL, I'm a FOOL. I think I'm going to send it to them though. At the very least, they'll laugh at my dumb ass. And maybe while they're laughing, they'll cut me a break.

Arizona- definitely don't want to live there, but do I even want to visit now?

2010-05-13T09:57:00.000-05:00

So. My other married/involved gf's and I are starting a new tradition- girl trips. Trips where we leave the fellas at home and enjoy some much needed time together. Our first one this year is to Las Vegas, but we've already started planning our second. I had suggested a sweet little spa I had found on the outskirts of Phoenix. Everyone warmed to the idea- until we realized that we didn't want to go to Arizona.

In case you've been living under a rock, Arizona has passed a controversial immigration law that basically mandates racial profiling. If you get stopped by a cop and they have 'reason to believe' (I.e. You look Mexican) u are here illegally, you must produce documentation or face arrest.
Aside:: I have new love for the Governator. At. Emory's commencement he quipped that he was going to give a commencement speech at U of Arizona, but he was afraid he would get arrested. iDied::

Now, this isn't the first time Arizona has shown its 'bigoted ass'. They were also the state that did not want to make Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday a state holiday and didn't get it done until the late 80's (after much debate and loss of conference/travel revenues). Moreover, they were the site where Japanese Americans were held in internment camps during WWII and schools designed to assimilate Native American children and get them to abandon their heritage were established.
In addition, their governor, Jan Brewer, just passed a law limiting ethnic studies classes (African American, Mexican American and Native American studies) an action condemned by the U.N. Human Rights Commission.

Hmmm... After researching all this, Mississippi is looking more welcoming than Arizona. Maybe I can find a lovley plantation style vacation spot for me and my girlfriends

I'm back with a new attitude....

2010-05-06T19:33:00.002-05:00

HI!!! *waves*

Y'all miss me? No? Fine, whatever *kicks rocks*

I'm baaaaaaaack!!! *does celebratory booty dance*

A whole bunch has happened to me since my last post... here are the "uppie daties"...

1. I had major surgery on March 16. This is the main reason I've been incognegro. I've been recovering and taking extra good care of myself... or trying to. Sometimes I don't follow doctor's orders very well. What can I say? I'm hard headed. The surgery went well-- my doctor is AWESOME. She is a Ghanaian (BLACK STARS STAND UP!) gynocologist that specializes in reproductive endocrinology and infertility. That's a fancy way of saying she is a super-OB/GYN. I swear she has a cape in her closet. She's that awesome. I'm feeling much better and am already back to work. This is good because I was all well just in time...

2. To celebrate my 30th BIRTHDAY!!! That's right, I'm officially too old to be foolish now. I have to be a grown up. Its funny, because I still very much feel like a kid. Its true that you are only as old as you feel. Right now, I feel like I'm about 16 (without the angst or the acne). Honestly, 30 feels no different than 29 or 26 or 22... except that I have more wisdom in my tank and less of an ability to stay up till the wee hours. Nowadays, I never see 2 am (unless I have to pee).

3. The Hubbster (hubby) and I have decided to renew our vows, the right way. The first time we got hitched it was as tacky and quickly done as "get hitched" sounds. We were young and impetuous and mostly.... angsty and annoyed with our families. We went to them and told them that we wanted the pomp and circumstance they wanted to give us 3 years ago, but, at the time, we wanted no parts of. So now, I get to do the wedding planning thing for real this time. Oy vey, why did no one warn me? Dresses, flowers, photographers... there is so much to do! I may have to start another blog just to chronicle the whole experience (read: vent online to my e- family because my real family is making me NUCKING FUTS).

4. The world kept on turning while I took time to stand still. I'm done standing and ready to start moving again. I think everyone needs that. In this world of being constantly connected, its nice and NECESSARY to unplug for a while. It gave me time to really reconnect with the people I love, including myself. I made some friends, shed some toxic relationships and set new goals for myself and my relationships. I highly recommend an period of 'deprogramming'. I have a new level of clarity because of it.

That's all for now.... I'll be back with scathing commentary about the world that is in the near future.

Stay beautiful and blessed my loves....

Where in the world have I been?

2010-02-24T23:53:00.001-05:00

Here... living life.

I'll be back with a real post laters.

Peace and love...

Too fat to graduate? Really? Lincoln U, YOU FAIL.

2009-11-24T23:01:00.003-05:00

For those of you who have been to college, you know the plethora of stupid requirements that schools have for you to graduate. For me, it was some stupid requirement that we pass a "swim test"... swimming 3 laps in a pool. If you couldn't do it, then you had to take a semester of swimming. The reason for this dumb requirement harkens back to World War II and the fact that many of the graduates from Cornell were more than likely going to be required to serve in the Navy as officers, and thus must be able to swim.

It was stupid... but it applied to everyone. More of a nuisance than anything really.

However, Liconln University near my hometown of Philadelphia, PA has taken stupid requirements to the next ridiculous level. Apparently, if you are a student with a BMI over 30, you cannot graduate unless you take a physical education class. Period. Now, this doesn't apply to EVERY student... just the fatties.

Check out this vid:

Wow,Lincoln.... for real? YOU FAIL. You wanna know why? Besides being blatant discrimination and setting yourself up for a lawsuit or 50, your logic is faulty.

1. BMI has been criticized as a useless measure for assessing the health of individuals. BMI is calculated by taking your weight in kilograms and dividing it by the square of your height in cm... or something like that. The problem with BMI is that it doesn't take into account lean muscle mass, which everyone knows, weighs more than fat. Thus, atheletes, body builders and people who are just more 'muscle-ey' (like myself) are categoriezed as overweight/obese/morbidly obese... even though they are potentially more fit than someone with a 'normal' BMI.

::aside:: I really do not look like I weigh. I weight train 5 days a week and played soccer for 9 years... I can bench press my husband. Once. With great effort. I may burst a blood vessel in my eye trying... But I can do it. And he's not a small dude.

It also fails to take into account metabolic factors such as blood pressure, gluose tolerance and resting heart rate... all of which are much more highly correlated to a person's individual health than their weight.

Its a population measure... and a failure at that as well.

2. The professor states the policy is in response to a health disparity problem. I call bullshiggidy. Shenanigans. Foolywang. Here's why. Lincoln U, for those who don't know, is a Historically Black University. It follows that most of the students there are going to be Black. There are several studies that have come out suggesting that Black people in general have higher BMIs than other races/ethnicities regardless of fitness level or even clothing size, because IN GENERAL they have more muscle mass. For example a black woman and a white woman could both conceviably wear a size 8. However, due to actual body composition, the BMI of the black woman is going to be higher. So you are essentially using a flawed metric to address a 'false' disparity. Yeah... miss me with that. Also, you are discriminating against a group of people who already experience discrimination.

For real... fat people know they are fat. Stop making them feel bad about it. And stop standing in the way of them graduating.

3. The professor also said that they are trying to help students to be able to succed in their careers and futures by requiring them to take this class. As much as I abhor Fox News and their minions, this reporter hit the nail on the head: They've effectivly cemented the falsehood that fatties are lazy, stupid and can't possibly hold down a job or be successful.

Hmmmm... this smacks of a similar falsehood perpetuated about a group that, because of their physical characteristics, couldn't possibly make it through the rigors of higher education. Hmmm... what was that group again? Oh yeah. Black People.

What in the actual fuck, Lincoln?

4. Many colleges have physical education requirements... for the entire student body. My school made us take two semesters of physical education, regardless of body type. So Lincoln, why just the fatties? Lack of resources? Seriously? If you didn't have enough physical eduation teachers to institute this policy then why did you do it? Seems kind of ass backwards to me. Besides, there is no requirement for students who are 'underweight' to attend classes on eating disorders... but the fatties have to work up a sweat. Lady Cameroon o_O @ y'all.

For these four reasons, in my humble opine, Lincoln U can SAT ALL THE WAY DOWN and take a nice long sip of SHUT YOUR ENTIRE ASSES UP. I agree with the student body and munch on this chicken wing in solidarity with them.

The Palin-ites are coming! The Palin-ites are coming! Run for your lives!!!!

2009-11-24T14:59:00.003-05:00

I'm sorry family. Sometimes ... I mean, they just make it so EASY!!!

The Palinites/Teabaggers/Brainwashed masses...

I'm getting the heezy out of America on the first thing smokin. At the very least, I'm not going anywhere near Columbus, OH. You can't pay me enough. I can't be in the presence of that much blithe and willful ignorance. It would kill me.

Check this vid (WARNING: Not for people who feel physical pain whenever they hear pure unadulterated stupidity. I'm not going to be responsible for putting people in the hospital. And you can't sue me... ain't got nothin.)

I was going to do a play by play of the sheer awesomeness of the stupidity in this vidja, but several things happened that prevented this:

1. I developed a severe migraine from constantly banging my head against my desk every time someone said something utterly ridiculous. Someone should have told me this game isn't as much fun if you're not drinking.

2. I got a hand cramp from taking notes on the amount of dumb shit to comment on. I filled two pages of my legal pad before the cramp set in though.

3. I didn't get all the way through the vid. My consciousness couldn't take it.

So what I am going to do is give you some 'lowlights' and the general feel I got from this vid.

GENERAL FEEL: Teabaggers done drank the Kool-Aid with cyanide, yet they refuse to just die already. Every single one of them was spouting rhetoric they have heard, yet could not provide policies, directives, hell... a cogent argument about... well... anything. I wonder if any of them know what a 'cogent argument' is....

Lowlights:

There were so many... but the most cringe-worthy for me happened between 4:11 and 5:24. In these 73 seconds:

1. BHO is Naturalizing Illegal Aliens- um what? Since when? Why have I not heard about this?! I think what they meant is BHO is naturalizing non white people who are eligible under the Constitution and its amendments to become U.S. citizens. Newsflash Johnny Rocket-- they probably know more about America than YOU do. They had to take a test. You were just born into it, you luck bastard you. The panic surrounding immigrants in this country is ASTOUNDING. Could it be because... you know what? I'm not gonna speculate. I'ma just call em like I see em-- xenophobia/ racism/ ethnocentrism anyone?

2. Not enough 'white votes'- a spin off of the "Naturalization of those Got Darn Illegals Who Aren't Pure White God-Fearing Folk Like Us" idea. Palin won't get enough votes to become President because the white population is dwindling faster than my brain cells did while watching this vidja. Yeah.....

3. The president is not a citizen! Enough already with this one! His birth records have been subpoenaed, examined, copied and vetted more thoroughly than Palin was when she was named as McCain's running mate. Y'all mad, ain't ya? Mad that a negro hooligan is in the white house. Because there couldn't possibly be a natural U.S. Born person of any other race or ethnicity with
The Stuff to handle the reins of your precious America? AMIRITE?

3. There needs to be "profiling"- I'mma spend some time on this because I feel like people want to ignore this GiNORMOUS WHITE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM. Let me say it in plain English. Racism isn't dead. It never died. It was in sleep mode. Oh sure, there were pockets of crazies like the KKK and Neo-Nazis that we could write off as just that... crazy. Because they were so extreme it was laughable. Even these "regular" folk laughed at them because they were total nutjobs. But then we get a Black president and all of a sudden, we hear ordinary American folks saying things like "We need profiling! All this political correctness has to go! She sticks up for American (read: white) people! American's first, everyone else after us!"

Pssst.... Hey!! Palinites/Teabaggers? Your bigotry is showing. You might wanna pull your skirts down/pants up. Just thought we (the others) would let you know. Stay classy though.

4. "The state she governed was right across the street from Russia. She had boundary issues she had to deal with." Ya' know... cuz those crazy Russians were just LOOKING to cross the 'street' (do you think he could have meant the Bering Strait) and just take over AMERICA through Alaska. Cuz you know, Alaska is contiguous with..... Canada. And we all know Canada is the 52nd state right behind Puerto Rico. (iCan't... the STUPID... it BURNS.)

5. The Alaskan governor (which she no longer is) gets top level security. That's right... eff the secret service. The Alaska Governor gets the Super Duper Secret Service. Extra special protection. The President ain't even CLOSE to being important enough to warrant this top level security detail. This security is so tight, it just sh!ts all over the Secret Service. Compared to this "top level security" the Secret Service are like a bunch of mall security guards (no offense to my mall security guard followers). Mmmm hmmm... o_________O <- extra-long side eye

It took me 2 hours to make it through this eight minute vid. Because my tolerance for stupid wouldn't allow me to subject myself to it all at once.

I'll let you watch it and see what other gems I skipped over (on purpose). There are tons.

But the last line is telling "I think you're going to see crowds like this wherever she goes."

If this is the case, I'm either going to have to start firebombing, or get the h*ll out of here.

Why I'm not sure I want to see The Blind Side

2009-11-23T12:12:00.002-05:00

I love a heart warming and uplifting film as much as the next girl... but I don't know if I want to see this movie. I might, just for the purpose of being fair... and because its a football movie, and I'm with a man who lives and breathes football, I'll be roped into going.

But the basic premise of this film disturbs me. Check the trailer:

This smacks of a recurring theme in similar movies:

Losing Isaiah
Dangerous Minds
Hardball
Wildcats
Radio

Downtrodden black kid(s)-- at best ignored by their communities and families, at worst abused by them-- are saved when some white person feels the tug on the heartstrings and decides to help. Thus, their life is drastically changed for the better and all is again right with the world.

I love my white folks. I really do. But COME ON. This is getting so incredibly old. Hollywood is basically perpetuating the idea that Black Folks are so messed up, they can't take care of their own. It takes someone from the outside to blaze a trail in and work tirelessly and thanklessly to save the little black children.

Enough already.

Before I get head of myself, Precious, a movie that I recommended people go see, has a similar, yet more insidious pattern. Every positive person in that film was very fair skinned in contrast to the victimizers and the victim, who were all very dark skinned. I think that is more a failure of the casting director (since anyone who read Push by Sapphire knows that Ms. Rain was dark skinned with locs-- a far cry from Paula Patton), than a failure of the material. I also believe that Precioius' father was a lighter skinned black man in the book.

But honestly, I'm sick of the "Great White Hope" theme in movies. Yes, it happens, but there are times when its the other way around. See the Secret Life of Bees, or The Legend of Bagger Vance, or Akeelah and the Bee... three highly under-rated (in my humble opine) movies that show how Black folk can uplift others and themselves.

Here is Complex.com's take on this:

http://www.complex.com/blogs/2009/11/20/the-great-white-hope-a-history-of-subtly-racist-sports-movies/

Tell me why...

2009-11-23T11:19:00.003-05:00

... people are dropping off their teens to go see Precious because they think since Mo'nique is in it, its going to be a funny family film.

Jeebs be some engaged parenting and film research for them

... the Senate healthcare bill that will probably pass within an inch of its pathetic life will STILL fail to address the 40 million uninsured people in this country. At best, it will expand coverage to 10-15 million... at their own expense. At worst, it will raise our taxes and nothing else.

Jeebs be some common f*cking sense. Healthcare reform is needed put pssst... CONGRESS.... YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG. Check out Canada, France, Germany... hell the rest of the Western industrial world and take notes on how to do it right.

... Janet is slaying hoes effortlessly at 43... FULLY CLOTHED.

Gaga, Beyonce, Rihanna and others... check out how to really DO THE DAMN THING.

... people are riding the MJ bandwagon like they were really stanning for him.

Y'all ain't want nothing to do with him when his appearance got too 'weird' and he was falsely accused and acquitted of those child molestation charges. Pssssst... your fake is showing. Tuck it back up under your skirt.

... iCan't listen to the radio anymore. I get embarassed for MYSELF when I hear some of the "music" that is out these days. Yet the kiddos are being subjected to it 24/7 and being told its "hot sh*t".

Music industry.... YOU FAIL.

.... Cartoon Network barely shows what I would call quality animated programming now adays. I believe they officially jumped the shark with Fosters Home for Imaginary Friends, and it just got progressively worse. What happened to Mr. 3000? Billy and Mandy? That cute little bug girl show?

CN, you almost FAIL, but I appreciate Adult Swim.

... the Philadelphia Eagles are stinkin up the spot like they are a team with no talent. We are flop sweating talented players (when they aren't hurt) but our offense AND defense can't seem to get their rhythm together... and its week 11.

I blame Andy Reid and his patented version of FAILING at play-calling, talent management, and field ferocity. An unflappable leader is admirable. A leader bereft of a pulse is... *sigh*

Can you tell I'm just in the mood to rant today? Please excuse me.

I'm Back... with a post about "Precious" weighty issues

2009-11-13T10:51:00.004-05:00

Hey Fam!!

I know its been a minute. Life has been crazy for the past couple of months... I won't go into details... just know I'm still here and I'm still standing.

So.... I came to talk about the film "Precious". I'm going to attempt to keep this uncharacteristically short.

Go see it.

This isn't just some blind admonition for you to see a film I think is great... mainly because I haven't seen it yet either (its date night with the hubby and he suggested we go. I lurve him!)

I have read the book, however. I read it almost 4 years ago, and it stripped me bare to the bones then. I couldn't put it down, even though there were so many moments that I wanted to.

If director Lee Daniels honored the literary integrity of this work, this film will be a

mazing.

The other reason I want people to go see it is because of the film's star, Ms. Gabourey Sidibe. This young woman played Precious so convincingly, people thought this was based on her life (though nothing could be further from the truth... girlfriend was in school for her PsychD before she landed the role of Precious. TAKE THAT!) Moreover, the vitriol that seems to be pouring forth about the young lady's physical appearance is another reason I want people to go see this movie.

In case you didn't know... Gabourey does not fit the 'Hollywood Ideal' of physical appearance.

She's dark skinned. She's not a size 3. And neither of these things seem to bother her one bit. But it sure as hell is bothering a whole lotta people.

Now, I expect foolish comments from internet trolls and ignorant MFers of every stripe... but was is bothering the bajiggers out of me is the derision she is getting from her own...

the so called Black Educated Elite Aristocracy. You know.... a whole group of people who pride themselves on their love for Blackness and the ascension of Black people to a higher plane. Yeah... I've heard and read them say things like:

"The main character's appearance is apalling"

"She can't possibly be happy or well adjusted considering her weight"

"Her career won't get very far and if it does, she will be typecast as the fat funny friend"

"Casting her in the lead role of a major film is celebrating the obesity epidemic in America"

"Her health is in danger- she needs help."

"Gag!" <-- I lie not, someone really wrote this

It seems like everyone EXCEPT Sidbide herself has an issue with her weight. Well, that last statement is not exactly true. They have a problem with the fact that she is starring in a film that is getting Oscar buzz and she has the unmitigated gall to be intelligent, confident and unapologetic about any aspect of herself.

See, because she is FAT, she is supposed to be depressed, unhappy and desperately trying to lose weight.

Miss me with that bullshit. PLEASE!

This is part of the panic that has set in about the fact that there are people who aren't thin... and aren't trying to be thin, who are happy, healthy and enjoying life. It just doesn't jive with folk. Fat people are supposed to be ashamed and hiding themselves from our sight. The are supposed to be the heavy breathing, sweaty, smelly nearly immobile beasts that barely resemble other members of "polite society". They are supposed to be looking to thinness as the solution to their every problem. Looking for love-- lose weight. Need a job--lose weight. Want to have friends-- lose weight. Want to be a better person-- lose weight?

Seems to me people need to lose their funky attitudes. And go see this film. Ha!

To Ms. Sibide I say, Go'head with your bad self girl. Do your thing and forget your detractors. I myself am DYING to see what else you have cooked up for your career.

(aherm.... so much for keeping this short. D'ah well.)

Socialism vs. Capitalism... a quick tutorial

2009-09-16T13:55:00.001-05:00

WHAT AMERICANS ARE SO AFRAID OF:

socialism: any of various economic and political theories advocating collective or governmental ownership and administration of the means of production and distribution of goods
2 a: a system of society or group living in which there is no private property b:a system or condition of society in which the means of production are owned and controlled by the state
3: a stage of society in Marxist theory transitional between capitalism and communism and distinguished by unequal distribution of goods and pay according to work done

WHERE AMERICANS THINK WE ARE:

cap·i·tal·ism: an economic system characterized by private or corporate ownership of capital goods, by investments that are determined by private decision, and by prices, production, and the distribution of goods that are determined mainly by competition in a free market

WHERE AMERICA REALLY IS (and has been since the middle of World War II):

state capitalism : an economic system in which private capitalism is modified by a varying degree of government ownership and control

WHICH ISN’T ALL THAT DIFFERENT FROM:

state socialism: an economic system with limited socialist characteristics that is effected by gradual state action and typically includes public ownership of major industries and remedial measures to benefit the working class

So I ask again, what is so TERRIFYING about socialism? Considering that’s essentially what most of the industrialized nations of the world are… not to mention the United States of America. Methinks people haven’t been paying very close attention.

Lifestyles of the White and Suggestible- Why I'm moving back to Canada as soon as I find a job there.

2009-09-15T09:22:00.005-05:00

I'm sorry for the heavy political slant lately, but my gears are constantly being GROUND and iCant anymore.

Besides, I've already sonned KWest and his whiny bitch ass and Li'l Mama's irrelevant self and her delinquent hairline enough yesterday.

Peep this video:

There are so many things that killed me in this video:

DEAD@ The OBESE woman who says she doesn’t have healthcare and she’s ‘just fine’ and healthy. And that if something goes wrong, she has physicians in her family. Really? You have an endocrinologist, gastroenterologist, bariatric surgeon, cardiologist, orthopaedic surgeon and an oncologist at your disposal? I would say your family hit the DNA jackpot, but judging from your exceptionally flawed logic and awkward appearance, y’all were some lucky sumbitches who married well. Or you’re lying your porcine ass off. Unfortunately, ‘lying’ only burns 1.4 calories per average lie. You've got a lot more lying to do

Extra DEAD@ the woman on social security who says she will gladly pay for her own health insurance once the government gets out of ‘everything’ in her life. Um ‘scuse me? Since you are on social security, it follows that if the government gets out of your life, you will be homeless and destitute. Chances are you are on SS, Medicare and Food Stamps. If the gov’t up and leaves ur ass high and dry tomorrow, you mean to tell me you are independently wealthy enough to pay monthly insurance premiums out of pocket? If this is true, then you are JUST LIKE those so-called 'minority breeder welfare system defrauders’ you vilify. Shaddap and SADDOWN somewheres.

REINCARNATED@ the fool who wants ENGLISH ONLY education for immigrants and that immigrants should learn English before they become citizens. Yet as a

natural born citizen himself, cannot spell “diapers” correctly. Yeah. YOU FAIL AT LIFE.

o_O @ Acorn being likened to the Gestapo. Yeah, cuz SS officers were giving credit repair workshops and helping poor people find adequate housing during WW II.

Just MAD @ Muslims ‘raping little boys’/'killing girls for getting education' and Asalam-alaikum being a rallying cry for that. DUMMIES, it means Peace be upon you/Go in peace! Obama being more dangerous than Osama, Glenn Beck being a hero and... UGH!!!

Like I said in my previous post, iQuit right wing conservative America. I cannot, in good conscience, associate with complete and utter FOOLS. Especially since these fools have guns.You know what? I’m calling the NRA today. Not to protest them. To register. I’m gettin a gun license and buying a couple of pump-action shot guns. I need to protect my home and my family for the likes of Teabaggers, Birthers and 9/12-ers. Shit. They scared of me? I’m SCARED OF THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!

Right wing nutjobs. If they have guns, shit, I’m not gonna be the fool who only has a knife.

without waxing too poetic, prolific or political...

2009-09-09T09:25:00.000-05:00

iQuit this country’s “right wing conservatives”. Indefinitely. Again. And in perpetuity.

They make me sick. “Conservative” my black arse. Let’s call them what they are…

“Animal Food Trough Wipers.” (c) Monty Python and the Holy Grail

F*ck their ENTIRE existences.

Why am I so angry? Peep the following…

Re: President Barack Obama’s Back to School Speech to the Kiddos

“Many districts in eastern Pennsylvania and across the country decided to tape the speech and give teachers the option of showing it later to students…. ‘In the very beginning, we heard from all the parents that were worried. They just said “I don’t want the president talking to my children without me there.”’

source: Today’s Metro.

Sweet merciful crap, are you absolutely serious? “I don’t want the president talking to my kids…?” Fa real? No, lets say what you really meant :

“I don’t want some n*gger talking to my sweet, perfect white babies and indoctrinating them with ideas of social justice, community responsibility and equality for all. Those just aren’t the values I want intstilled in my children. Especially not by some uppity n*gger trying to paint the WHITE House BLACK.”

For those who aren’t familiar, Central and Eastern PA (with the exception of Pittsburgh) might as well be [insert random backwoods Klan infested area here].

The fact that school districts across the country OBLIGED this complete and utter FOOLYWANG of censoring the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES from speaking to their children IN SCHOOL further cements my beliefs that 2009 AIN’T THAT DIFFERENT from 1959.

That’s 50 years of PROGRESS for that ass.

Ugh.

Questions that make you go... hmmmmmm

2009-08-31T10:38:00.005-05:00

**editors note: I don't take credit for the questions. Just the answers. The questions are courtesy of my favorite letter writer to the Metro Dr. Marc Lamont Hill... with his tasty lookin' self. I fancied myself having (and styled this entry as) a conversation with him over coffee. Thank you Marc for being witty... and delish looking. The things I would do to you would shame my ancestors-- whoops, was that out loud?**

Q: Doesn't Terrell Owens' new reality show feel like an infomercial for his straightness?

Wait... you mean to tell me he is NOT GAY/B*tch*ssness personified?

Q: Whose mouth is more of a liability? Joe Biden or Joe Budden?

**ponders** I think the better question is, who is more irrelevant at this point... Biden or Budden?

Q: How telling is it that Allen Iverson still can't manage to find a job?

That's what his arse gets for leaving the Illadelph. We would have gotten you a ring... eventually, my nig. Its called patience! (can you tell I'm still a bit raw about that one?)

Q: Don't you wish Prince would have said something about Michael Jackson's death?

Whose to say he didn't? We haven't heard from a lot of people that 'should' have said something. I'm sick of people pitting stars against each other. Someone died. Someone famous, influential and amazing. But he has passed. Give him (and all the HOOPLAH) a rest. Except for Dr. Murry. He killed The King of Pop. Wear his name out all you wanna.

Q: In a sport of egos and insecurity, isn't it great to see DMac embrace Mike Vick with open arms?

I'm still giving the o_O to the 'open arms' thing. Because seriously... DMac, Vick is like 10 years younger and 3 times faster than you right now. And not as injury prone. Are you SURE you ain't worried about your job? For real? Nigga I KNOW YOU ARE.

Q: Has anyone told 50 Cent that his rap career is over?

iChortled. LOUDLY.

Ol' boy is drowning.... in a sea of his own irrelevance and 'has-been' ness. Not.a.good.look.

Q: Now that they're criticizing 'Cash for Clunkers' for being too effective, don't Republicans officially seem like a party of player haters?

First, I love you for using 'playa hatas' and 'republicans' in the same breath. Smart men are soooo sexy. But for real, they BEEN player haters. This is not new. What's new is that they just don't seem to give a sh*t and they are all bare assed about it now. They are really on some "F*ck it. We hate that a N***er is in the White House and that a Latina is on the bench. And we're going to make sure everyone f*cking knows it. This is OUR club. They were not invited."

Q: Now that they've embarrased themselves at countless town hall meetings, don't congressional Democrats seem like complete screw ups?

To wit.... YEP. Next question.

Q: Doesn't Barack Obama seem more like a traditional politician with every passing day?

Yes. But the better question to ask is... WHY???? I feel like this is the product of two things.

1) He's not the only one running this show.

2) He's privy to a lot more info now than when he was Candidate Obama. That can change things.

I'm not saying its right, I'm saying, it is what it is. And he has done some things that I think it took real guts to do. He's STILL better than McCain.... and DEFINITELY Palin **shudders at the thought of them in the White House**

Q: Does anyone find Robin Williams funny?

Hey! You leave Mrs. Doubtfire out of this!!

Q: Isn't it a shame that the birthdays of Marcus Garvey and Assata Shakur went by virtually unnoticed?

Um... I'm sure the State of New Jersey noticed Assata's birthday in a "Sh*t, we still ain't got Cuba to extradite her and we probably never will!" kind of way.

Score: One big arse Point to Cuba.

As far as Marcus Garvey... I remembered. Does that count?

::aside, if you haven't read Assata or at least ONE book about Marcus Garvey, you will FOREVER get a o_O from me ::end aside

Q: How do shows like "The Game" get cancelled while "Tiny and Toya" remain on television?

Its best not to ask questions like these. You will anger the beast. And your head will explode. I just stopped watching TV that wasn't BBC, Boomerang and NFL A LONG TIME AGO. Saved my sanity. oh and Tiny looks kinda Oompa Loompah-ish-- I'm jus' sayin.

Q: Doesn't Drake feel like hip-hops version of a boy band?

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! You WRONG for that one. But... yes. Wheelchair Jimmy from Degrassi feels like the black Backtstreet Boys... all by hisself. But I do think he's actually being tongue in cheek with "Best I Ever Had" and "Every Girl". Its just that women are a little bit stupid and desperate sometimes (read: THIRSTY) and haven't caught the okie doke yet. But yet, they are getting up in arms about his T&A videos. Like we expected anything ELSE from a rapper who is trying to gain credibility in the mainstream.

**This was a great conversation Marc, Thank you! And this coffee was terrific! Illy you say? I love their coffee! Oh, thank you for giving me some! What? You want to have coffee with me again? Tomorrow morning... in my kitchen? Mmmmm... would you like breakfast with that, after you've had dessert?**

Okay, clearly I have problems.

The "Good Hair" Debate... 2009 (We STILL on this Ish?)

2009-08-11T10:47:00.002-05:00

Hello Good Peoples!

I know, I know, its been a minute. This chica's been busy. Traveling, working and secretly trying to take over the world (word to The Brain).

So, I had a chance to *finally* catch the episode of The Tyra Banks Show that has been getting so much Twitterbuz, my Tweetdeck almost crashed. The "Good Hair" Episode. I'm not even going to get into how Tyra does her show thing, because that's another blog all by its lonseome. I want to talk about **dunh dunh dunh** "Good Hair"

Its an emotionally charged topic for black women (and men). So much of our standards of attractiveness have been tied up in what our hair looks like. But its so much more than that. Our hair determines how people perceive our entire beings including, but not limited to, our hireability, our mentality, our personality, our personal hygiene... even the way our families feel about us.

First, I applaud Tyra for making this episode. Despite the fumbles (and there were many) I appreciate her rockin' the Watts' style cornrows, opening up a dialoge between different schools of thought, and educating non African peoples on WHY this a topic that consumes so much of our collective consciousness.

So... today, Imma talk about two parts of the episode that made my soul weep, and share WHY my soul wept-- with my own 'hair traumas'.

There were many things said in this show by people that were cringe worthy, but this was a "cake taker" for me:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZeXUm8OOUA8

Go to minute 3:11 and listen to the words that just came out of ol' girls MOUTH. Did she really say she

has good hair because she has "white girl flow"? Yes. She did.

This is saddened me becuase not a moment later, the other girl with relaxed hair (and a receeding hair line

probably from overproccessing) who was sitting next to her said not a moment later that "Just because I have a relaxer doesn't mean

that I'm not a strong black woman" even though she co-signed Ms. "White Girl Flow."

Both of these women have tied the attractiveness of their hair to it being more "Euro" than "African."

But they claim they don't hate themselves.

Don't mistake my meaning. I know plenty of strong black women secure in their black beauty who have relaxed hair.

Its their choice. The difference is, they are not ascribing their beauty to being more like a white woman

than a black one. There is just as much pressure in the opposite direction from natural chicks who will be quick

to tell a woman with relaxed hair that she is "brainwashed" and "hates her African roots" and is on that

"creamy crack"

But for reals, Ms. White Girl Flow and her compadre Ms. "Overprocessed Receeding Hairline" need to seriously think

about WHY they choose to relax their hair, not just the fact that they do it. The sad part is, a lot of womn

will secretly or publicly co-sign what these two women said about having relaxers.

The second segment of the show that made me weep was this clip:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D0DgVijM7Z8&feature=related

These poor babies. I can't even get into this segment and dissect it the way I want to, because it would be

tome-tastic. I just wanted to point out a couple of specific things that were appalling to me.

First, my heart broke for Shaniyah who would rather rock that tragic matted Hannah Montana wig

than her own beautiful twisties with the baubles in them (though I question why her mom bought her that

wig in the first place). She was so adorable and the fact that she is tortured at such a young age shows how early this starts.

Also, little Kalayshia with her beautiful hair. Her plight shows that the pressure goes both ways. She has "good hair"

and is teased and bullied to the point that she wants her mom to cut her hair off, so she can be like everyone else. My LORD!

But their plight doesn't even compare to the MOTHER'S who are propagating this self hatred in

their own daughters:

Malia's Mother: Because of her own teasing and torment about her hair as a child, she made a conscious

decision (at the tender age of 11!!!) to have a baby with a non-black man, so that her child would have

"good hair". She then implanted in her child's mind the idea that natural African features mean you are

of a lower class, are untidy or unkempt and not worth very much. IF THAT AIN'T SOME SELF HATRED,

THEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS! DAYUM!

Kiana's Mother: Is she for real? Kiana's mother is white. She's got WEAVE in that baby's hair because

it is 'easier to manage'?! She admitted that the reason she approaches Kiana's hair the way she does is because she doesn't have

"time" to comb and style and nurture her child's natural hair. She said it was a 'selfish' move on her part

Its also a move that is going to have repercussions that echo with her daughter well into her adult life.

She has already been taught that her natural hair is a nuinsance and difficult to deal with-- at age 8.

She didn't come to this conclusion herself. It was made for her by a mother who was to consumed with her own schedule

to take the time to do her daughter's hair. EPIC FAIL.

Ranasia's Mother: This woman took the cake. This mother has admitted to putting checmical relaxer on the head of

her THREE YEAR OLD DAUGHTER. She said that when Ranasia was smaller, she had 'good hair', and as she

got older, it started getting curlier and nappier-- and she didn't want to deal with it. So she solves the problem by

putting RELAXER (a very harsh chemical) on the head of her baby girl. They showed video of Ranasia getting her

relaxer, and she was saying it burned her scalp, and burned her eyes. But in the end it was worth it, because her mother

told her she looked cute.

I had my own issues with my hair growing up... like any black girl

I came up in the 80's where it wasn't the relaxer, so much as it was the Jherri Curl (yes... LAUGH) that

my mama slapped in my hair at the tender age of 7. I hated getting that mess done, but she had one, a

and when we left the salon together, I imagined we were twins. What little girl doesn't want to be like her mom?

And my mom was FLY.

But as I was growing up, I saw my hair wasn't healthy and didn't "swing" like my white friends' hair.

So I went and got braids. Unbeknownst to me or my mom, I had started my 'going natural' process.

I had braids all the way through high school and college. I only got perms twice since then.

The first was for my senior prom when all of my friends were getting perms and weaves for the prom. I wanted to be like them.

So I took my braids out and got a relaxer and a weave. It looked nice, but I found that I couldn't maintain it. By the time

I was ready to go to school in August, I had put braids back in.

I spent the better part of college with braids and getting my natural hair pressed by friends when I could. My hair was

thick, healthy and shiny. Then came SENIOR YEAR and job interviews.

It was such a serious topic for so many of us that we actually had a Black Women and the Workplace

seminar, that focused more on our appearance (mainly our hair) than anything else. By the time that was over, many of us were

ditching our fro's and twists for relaxers or interlocked weaves, or more "euro" braided styles (if you didn't want to commit to relaxing).

The point was, we all felt that we would not be able to compete for jobs if we had natural hair. This struck our male counterparts too,

as many of them had grown beautiful locs during college, only to buzz them off in the name of Wall Street.

I only got a relaxer one more time since my senior prom, and that was when I was working in NYC. My hair had been

natural for years and my MOTHER told me that I wouldn't get a job unless I straightened my hair. At 24 years old,

I caved and got one. My hair looked great and I got tons of compliments on it. Then about 5 months in, it started to snap

off and shed like crazy. I deep conditioned, I roller set instead of blow drying and flat ironing, I even went for some

ApHogee treatments. Nope. My hair was not having it.

So, I went back to braids and started the process of growing my hair out all over again.

Today my hair is healthy, thick and has the cutest little curls. I generally keep it in braids, because I'm

LAZY, but you will never catch me putting a perm in it-- beacuse MY hair can't take it. I have friends who's hair

does great with relaxers, but I'm not one of those people. My girl children will not have chemicals touch their heads

until they are old enough to come to the decision on their own, if at all. I will make sure they are educated about the pros and cons

and also about their own genetics (no girl children on my or my man's side of the family do well with

perms in their hair. NONE). But I will always teach them to love their natural beauty.

"To thine own Hair, Be true."

Get me bail money!!!

2009-07-29T21:59:00.002-05:00

I damn near committed a homicide today. Willfully stupid and annoying people need to stop sucking up precious air. So, here's the story, told by my angry tweets about the whole thing. No facebook rants... this person knows me on FB.

So a person who works for another part of the health dpt was in town and wanted to hang out. I obliged and said I would accompany her to check out Emory. The following is the twitter account of what happened...

So we started off riding the MARTA and catchinga bus to Emory. She was on some "wow, this is a really long bus ride! I can't wait for our stop! I'm so excited to look at the school of public health! Is this our stop?"

My Tweet:

"wandering around the ATL with the ditziest Philly chick ever. *through grimace* shoot me now"

So we get off at the School of Public Health and she wants to walk around the school. The campus was pretty deserted, buildings closed and lots of it under construction. I missed a step and my sandal tore and the ring popped out and sliced my toe open. Blood everywhere.

my Tweet:

"walkin around with this lil bish caused me to wreck my fave NEW sandals and cut my foot open! *heated*

So I limp to the bus stop accross the street, but we think it might be a campus shuttle stop. She walks off to find a legitimate stop. She was smiling and extra happy that she was outside the school of public health, never mind I'm rapidly losing blood, limping and my foot is swelling.

My tweet:

"she went to go see if there is another MARTA stop. if the bus comes, I'm leavin this bitch. she done caused me bodily injury iCan't with her over excited valley girl ass. how are u a valley girl from philly? like, omigod!"

I limp over to the bus stop (nevermind that it was nearly a quarter mile and she didnt come back to see if I could walk). Then she was like "Ohmigod I'm soo excited! I'm going to go take a picture of the School of Public Health (arguably one of the ugliest buildings I've ever seen):

My tweet:

"Imma stab this li'l 2520 heffa. I really am. her loser ass went to go take a pic of the public health school. like its a landmark

bish, I'm bleeding and u takin pictures? F YOUR life!"

So we were waiting for the bus. And waiting. And waiting. Finally, I all the MARTA headquarters to find out when the next bus is coming. She was legitimately suprised that I pulled that off. I was like "um, the number is on the sign." We get on the bus but because of the 'over the river and through the woods' foolywang we took to get there, I used up my last ride and had to come out my pockets... TWICE! And since my injury was indirectly because of her, you would have thought she felt bad enough to at least pay my bus fare. But no... she sat there watching me fumble for change while standing on one foot while the bus was in motion.

My Tweet:

"Bish saw me standing on one foot finding money while the bus was moving and because of her i am out a damn trip on my marta card *PISSED*"

Did I mention there is no where to eat around those parts? And it was getting late. And I was hungry. And my toe was going numb.

My Tweet:

"and i might not get to eat either. gotta go back to my hotel and take care of my foot. then MAYBE get some food. but its already mad late *fuming*"

Now, the whole time we were traveling back, she was babbling on like a blithering idiot about how she was looking forward to finding some Georgia peaches or a peach tree. For 40 minutes. I.wanted.to.push.her.onto.the.tracks.

"i am about to stab this wench. like now. talmbout she's disappointed that she hasnt seen any peaches and she's in ATL. iCan't JBSSRFM!**"

I was so glad when she got off for the stop for her hotel. She was on some "See you at work next week! Its a shame we're not flying back on the same flight!" I was like "That is Jesus saving your life and keeping my ass out of jail. Because I would have pushed your ass off the plane moments after take off myself." Of course I didn't say this in her presence.

I got on the phone with my bestie to tell her the story. Then my friend Tim called and asked my why I didn't put my good foot up her ass.

Then he told me to ice my entire body down, nekkid... and wait for him in the tub. Tim is an idjit. But he had a good point. Why didn't I put my foot up her ass?

Cause I don't like the smell of shit on my feet, that's why.

The Black Embarassment Television Awards or BBMo goes into Beyonce Roast Overdrive.

2009-06-29T14:03:00.004-05:00

I don't have cable, so I didn't witness the tomfoolery for myself... but you FB and Twitter folks were in OVERDRIVE, so I felt like I was watching.
Once again, glad I don't have cable. I would have caved, watched and been quit by my optic nerves immediately following.

But my homegirl was perplexed by Yawnce's entire BEING and we had this text conversation. Sleep deprivation and angst make me go into roast overdrive.

(we call eachother Peabo and Pookie. I'm Pookie-- in Pank and green in honor of her AKA-ness)

Peabo: Pook, help me out here cuz you're the only one who can. Why did Beyonce sing Ave Maria in a teddy? Seems a might sacrelivious to me... confuzzled...

Pookie: BeYAWNce is a horible pathetic excuse for a whole lotta things. iCan't with her 364 days of the year. She gets a pass on her birthday. Triflin lace fron wearing sequined teddy rockin over-singing sacreligious lookin' gal.
Oh and Jigga needs a daym haircut. Upgrade my black AZZ.

Peabo: nuff said.

Pook: Oh, I ain't done. I also blame Mama Tina's tacky bedazzled ass. And A Pimp Named DADDY KNOWLES. Bishop Don "Magic" Juan is either extremely proud of or hatin' REAL hard on Papa Knowles. Pimp game PROPER he is. And Mama Tina is his bottom b*tch.

Peabo: I stopped watching when Yawnce applied her Lee Press-On Tutu. I'll watch bloopers and try again tomorrow.

Pook: Lee Press On Tutu?!?!? THIS is why I don't have cable.

Peabo: No cable?!?! It'll be your maid of honor gift.

Pook: iQuit your wedding. You must hate my eyes and my sensibilities. Find a new maid of honor. I hand over my sash, dress and shoes.

And was anybody REALLY suprised/shocked/mad that BET fugged this ALL THE WAY UP? I mean, Debra L-EVIL and her knockabout slave labor ain't exactly KNOWN for having their 'act right' goin' on in general.

Because he was Michael Jackson..

2009-06-26T10:36:00.001-05:00

I just can’t.

A piece of me died along with him.

Say what you will about him… that man was a music revolutionary. An innovator. A genius.
Every time he did something, he changed the game. People scrambled to catch up, while he was moving on to the next thing. He was often imitated… never duplicated. He did what they said or thought could never be done. People have careers SOLEY because he was Michael Jackson

He was so universal, you could be in a country where you didn’t speak the language, didn’t know the culture and didn’t know a single soul, but if you heard a MJ song, you felt like you were home. All of a sudden, you had something in common with a complete stranger from the other side of the world. You had a new friend (this happened to me). Because he was Michael Jackson.

He was so influential, you can’t hear a single new song without realizing some component was lifted from his work. Sampling a track, the style of singing, the dancing in the video (a genre he BIRTHED). He was a style icon. People everywhere just wanted to be close enough to touch the magic. To have a piece of it for themselves. Because he was Michael Jackson.

June 25, 2009. The would lost one of the best parts of it. A sensitive soul. A creative mind. A musical treasure.

In life and in death, he was and always will be… LEGEND.

~Blackberry Molasses in Mourning

Rest in Peace MJ.

Cross My Mind/Black Magic Trippin

2009-06-20T10:25:00.004-05:00

Why is it that a random chance encounter can totally f*ck with your whole program? Powerful Black Magic has hit me. I inhaled and now the scent is lingering on my breath...

This is what I'm dealing with at the moment. I had an encounter with an amazing individual recently. I was awed and inspired by this person. This unattainable standard. Not unattainable because its out of my scope of abilities to pull someone like that.... but because life basically said "No. Stop. Don't even think about it, Missy."

Which is fine. But the bad part about it is that meeting this individual completely screwed with my mental.

The forbidden fruit is looking mighty sweet... and making my perfectly good regular fruit look like picked over mess.

Some kinda powerful black magic is at work. My girl Nellie told me to give it a few days. I just got back... I will be more lucid after I give it time.

..... but I'm not sure I want to come up from under the dark swell. It feels damn good. That longing feeling. That flirtation. That uncertainty. The fire in my belly. Its been a minute since I've felt this way.

I know it NEEDS to go away. I have perfectly good fruit right here that just wants to be tasted again and appreciated for its nourishment and ability to satisfy. And the fact I am reluctant to partake is making the good fruit feel rotten.

REALLY, iCan't with myself right now.

Random Ruminations... playing Catch-Up!

2009-05-18T13:59:00.005-05:00

Hey Hey Hey!!!

I been gone for a minute but I'm back with the JUMPOFF!!! How y'all doin?? Did u miss me? I missed you!

So... for lack of a singular blog topic, today's post is going to be a mishmash of ruminations and happenings in the world of The Molasses One. Hang on to your socks kids!

So PROUD!!!

I would like to extend congratulations, adulations, love, joy, peace, prosperity and all of that good stuff to my mother, the newly minted Dr. Evelyn Aryeetey Dogbey, PhD!

Here she is:

Check this out-- she's making history as the FIRST Doctor of Philosophy in Nursing Science from Widener University... and she's also the FIRST BLACK Doctor of Philosophy in Nursing Science from Widener. GO MOM!!!

We're throwing her a big ol' shindig this Saturday. Afro-Caribbean food, DJ, drank and all manner of adult-ish. If you are in South Jersey it will be THE PLACE to be!!!

Bring your FIYAH!

Gender Bending Undergarments

I read in the Metro this morning that in Japan, they have started selling Man Brassieres. "For the stressed Salary man that wants to feel relaxed. Comes in Black, Pink and White." Whaaaaa?

For the stressed salary man who wants to feel relaxed? Ladies, chime in with me here, but isn't your bra the LEAST relaxing piece of clothing you wear on a daily basis? I mean, I get home and the first thing I do is change into a sports bra (normally cuz I'm about to work out). Following the shower, its NO BRA... that is relaxed.

And they have the nerve to have a variety of colors... black, white and PINK? Lawd. Now, I understand that there are some men who look like they could benefit from wearing a bra... specifcially MINIMIZERS because they have that whole man-boob issue. But that's usually a function of obesity. Japan has one of the LOWEST obesity rates in the world. Meaning that the majority of the men buyin man-bras are not trying to support their soft chests... they just want to wear a bra. Because its RELAXING. *sigh* Only in Japan....

But if that wasn't enough, my friend informed me of another gender bending undergarment... Manty-hose. For men who want to hide bulges and smooth rolls... like SPANX... but for dudes.

Check this out

Panty hose... for men. They say they do it to keep warm as well. Somehow I don't believe them. They need a PLETHORA of more people... specifcally other men. I don't wear pantyhose. Call me a harlot. They seem purposeless to me. They're uncomfortable. They don't shape as well as a good body shaper will. And I'll be damned if you're going to convince me they keep you warm. Tights may do better. Pantyhose... no. So wearers of Manty hose "for warmth" get a MAJOR Lady Cameroon Style side eye from me.

I'm all for people wearing what they want to wear. If you are a man who likes to wear ladies underpinnings, far be it from me to judge. Just don't do it under false presentes like "relaxation" and "keeping warm".

Real Housewives of New Jersey

Praise Jesus for this one. Really. They're going to give me no end of fodder. We might as well call this the Sopranos II.

Check out these five wildly unattractive, I mean, lovely ladies*.

*smh* at these women sullying the pristine reputation of Jersey Girls. **overloud guffaw** geez, I couldn't even say that with a straight face. Let's try again. *SMH* at these chicks airing our State's dirty laundry. Everyone knows what's really up in NJ... just nobody TALKS about it.

Even though three of the five are Italian-American, two of them are sisters who are married to brothers and all of the husbands work on industries like "contstruction", they swear up and down that they are not like the Sopranos. Yeah right, and Neyo doesn't dance around to "I'm Every Woman" in pink satin boxers at night.

For this show, I might actually cave in and get cable. I need to see this tomfoolery unfold for myself from the comfort of my chaise lounge. I hear one of them gets mad and orders a hit on the other one-- or something like that.

"Baby, get me some caramel soy crisps! Real housewives of New Jersey is on!!"

*is it just me or does it look like ALL OF EM have had recent Botox and breast augmentations?

May is National Masturbation Month

I just found out about this... and I work in STD prevention. I suck. Literally (sorry, couldn't help it). So, the Mizzoni Center in Philadelphia is a sexual health center for LGBT folk. But they aint the only ones that can benefit from a little loving of thyself.

I'm convinced that there would be less strife, turmoil and other 'bad stuff' in the World, if more people 'loved' themselves. I mean, it really is the safest form of sex, and its sex with someone you love (hopefully). Also, I'm a firm believer that you must love yourself first, before you will be able to love others, and let them love you.

I know, I'm a self proclaimed Christ follower and many religions teach against it... but seriously? Those admonitions were more about not procreating and less about self pleasure. I believe God wants me to be happy. And loving myself makes me happy. And... its a total turn on for my husband when he catches me doing it. So it also makes our marriage stronger. Can't beat that!!

Self love is the best love. And we have a whole month to celebrate... VIGOROUSLY!!

iCaved

So I'm famous for saying I don't tweet. I mean, I REALLY don't think I'm THAT INTERESTING.

Welp. I can't say that anymore. I caved into peer pressure (Damn u CROWNIE) and got a Twitter account. On a TRIAL basis. They have 24 hours to impress me, or I'm going inactive. If you want me to stay on Twitter, then by all means, feel free to follow my uninteresting and mundane self.... twitter.com/BBMolasses.

That's all I have for you beautiful people. Stay happy, stay healthy and stay blessed! I'll catch you on the flip!

Peace and love...

The Retrospect

Bogus Birthday... sort of. Okay, not really.

2009-05-04T12:46:00.005-05:00

So for those of you who haven't heard, you're favorite Rebel Intellectual spent her 29th Born Day at the Emergency Room. Diagnosis: Strep Throat. Yep... F my life....

Dear Mother Nature (and your cacophony of infectious streptococci bacteria),

You emotional hatin-azz, moody azz breezy!! Thanks so much for the bogus birfday gift. Strep throat!! Its what I always wanted.... in a parallel universe where torture is the joie de vivre. I would cuss yo azz out for hatin on the RI and making her stay in bed but, your bogus gift did have some upsides:

1. I got to by babied my my dear sweet mother. Ain't nothing like the mom brand of TLC when you're sick. Sure, Significant Other brand may provide more of a rush, but when SO can barely take care of himself, Mom knows all the tricks and treats to make being sick more palatable. I've said it before and I'll say it again.. I have THE BEST MOM EVER!

2. Sympathy upped the gift factor. I got money in the cards this year. You know, the ones that normally just come with a hearty handshake and a hug.

3. My lovely man gave me the most GORGEOUS roses I have ever seen. I mean, granted, he would have given me flowers anyway, but these are just AMAZING. Have you ever seen real lavender roses? This pic doesn't even do them justice, they are that beautiful. And they have opened up since then. Just glorious.

4. I lost 12 lbs from not being able to get anything down my gullet other than green tea with honey, my meds and vitamins. Call it a crash diet. I call it the jumpstart my Summer Hot Body Plan needed.

5. I'm at work, but no one really expects me to be productive. They're just happy I'm not dead. Yay for paid "goof-da-hell-off" time!!

6. Because I was sick on my celebration day, all my parties have been postponed until I feel better and can actually EAT my cake. Which means, I get extra time to be spoiled some more!!! And the weather will be deciedely nicer as well. HOLLA!!

7. I realized how many people truly care about me. People were calling and texting to make sure I was getting better, they were praying for me, talking about me at church functions and what not. Sending me encouraging e mails, texts and FB messages. But none of y'all will get me to eat!! I'm loving the fact my 'skinny' jeans are not 'skinny' jeans anymore... time to go shoppin!!

So see Madre Natura.... you tried to bring me down. But I'm a truly blessed one. You can knock me down, but you can't take me out!

But I'mma still call a spade a spade.... YOU HATIN' AZZ BREEZY!!! I hope El Nino sucks on your nipples so hard they callous over. There! Take that!

My Favorite Things

2009-04-22T11:37:00.000-05:00

So for those of you, my lovely followers, who care to know... In 8 days, the Rebel Intellectual will be celebrating her 29th B(Earth) Day.

I ain't asking for gifts outright... but people who know and love me... or at least just know me, should know some of my favorite things. You know, just in case. Ask (or hint) not and ye shall recieve not.

Any and everything with peacock feathers--

Earrings, bracelets, shirts, hats, home accessories, floral arrangment pinnings (cuz I do my own floral arrangements. I am fascinated with them and have been for years. My current lust-- I need a new set of peacock feather earrings... my others suffered and untimely death at the hands of Mother Nature.

Ironic T-shirts--

"What the hell is an Aluminum Falcon?!" "Meh" "Pi- Its what's for dessert" "STFUniversity" "I am a Pepper" "Token"

Places to find: http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts-apparel/womens/-- I love the snark of this website... really, I heart it so

http://www.snorgtees.com/

http://www.minoritees.com/

"Urban" Art-- Mainly Justin Bua, as well as the art and photgraphy of my friends Gina and Toine. (check sidebar for their sites)

Cute work out gear-- I'm currently crushing on Jockey's Person to Person line. The clothes are comfy, cute and can go from work out, to errands to lunch with girlfriends completely effortlessly. Oh and their Made to Move pants make my ass look amazing!! My local Jersey rep is a really sweet girl named Kristen. I love supporting women in their business ventures.

Loud azz costume jewels-- pretty self explanitory. I have fallen in love AGAIN with lapis lazuli and turquoise.

Any and all things relating to Ancient Egypt-- my great grandmother was a green eyed, dark skinned beauty (Queen Mutnodjment doppleganger) with kinky curly hair from the Nile Valley. She was most likely brought to the coast by a Bedouin tribe. Anywhoo, I figured my fascination with Ancient Egypt had to come from somewhere. I love books, paintings, papyrus, pictures, stories... anything to do with the great kingdoms. They enthrall me.

These are a few of BBMo's favorite things... what are some of yours?

Reminder... Imma be turing old as dirt next Thursday. But didn't Jay say that 30 is the new 20? That means I'm turning 19!! ha!!!

2009-04-21T07:39:00.001-05:00

Hey my Lovelies!
This is just a quick ANGRY blog. I am so sick of the police right now. Why? In Philadelphia last night two young boys were murdered execution style. The police are 'stymied' because they have few leads. Their reason for having few leads? "They don't seem to be involved in anything." This is a quote from the investigators that means "Well, they're not drug dealers or gang members or bad kids, so we are stumped."

They are saying that there is no way these two good boys (one volunteered at his church, the other was in the Police Cadet Exploration program) could just be shot senselessly- or for being good kids.

All our children are not deviants, and the ones who behave as such are severely troubled and victims of a system that has failed them. But the police seem to assume that the opposite is true, especially when something tragic like this occurs.

Philadelphia Police= EPIC FAIL on this.

The World that is..... and why I blame... well... EUROPE. OR "Why I'm Rooting for the Pirates."

2009-04-14T13:24:00.007-05:00

**pensive look**

So, unless you have been living under a rock for the past week or so, you have heard the word "Pirate" thrown around on the TV, radio and interwebs. This word conjures up visions of "Arr me hearties" and "buried chests" and "walking the plank". But that's not the piracy of 2009. Now, its a bonafide business, complete with investors, sunk costs, marginal costs, operational costs, profit--- and yes, RULES and REGULATIONS.

And no doubt you've heard about a nation that was last World Wide worthy news in 1991-92 (that would be Somalia). A country that has been barely hanging on to the term 'country' for over 30 years.

Folks were celebrating the rescue (and concurrent execution) that occurred yesterday when U.S. Navy Seals (aka Gubment Sanctioned Crazy MOFO's wit GUNS) extracted the American shipping captian being held hostage by Somali Pirates, while killing 3 and taking a 4th into custody.

I'm going to say this before I move on to the crux of my rant.

I am rooting for the Pirates. Yeah, I said it. Their country is in ruins, their government--- what government?? They are being exploited by the rest of the world. They can't feed their kids. Eff what ya heard, piracy is the new black.

This phenomenon is merely a symptom of the illness inflicted upon The Continent (heck, the entire WORLD) hundreds of years ago---COLONIALISM.

The scramble that occurred starting with the Spanish Empire and their Armada cruising the globe, invading the lands of sovereign peoples and conquering them through the patented plan of "infect, divide, exploit, decimate and convert." Colonialism was far and away, one of the most VILE things to ever happen to the planet and her people. It has some disgusting spawn as well: Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade and her twin sister Indian Ocean Slave Trade, their nasty brother Genocide and baby spawnlets Hegemony and Neo-Colonialism (who is heir apparent to the destruction of national sovereignty-- of non-Western nations, that is). THANK YOU EUROPE FOR BENDING MOTHER EARTH'S PEOPLE OVER A TABLE AND WELL... YOU KNOW.

Don't believe me? Think I'm going a bit overboard? Consider this.

In North America, the most widely spoken language is SPANISH **side eye to Spain**

The second most widely spoken language is ENGLISH **side eye England**

In Sub-Saharan Africa, when children go to school, they don't learn in their native tongues... they learn in ENGLISH, FRENCH, DUTCH or GERMAN.

The Indian Subcontinent was OWNED by England until the early 1940's....

All my Filipino friends have Catalan last names (i.e. Hernandez, Fernandez...) and only learn Pinoy at home. They learn Spanish in school.

South America and the Caribbean-- Spain and Portugal left one heck of a GINORMOUS footprint all over them. The only reason the language and cultre of native peoples survived there? They were too hard to reach living in the mountains or deep in the Amazon. But then again, not all were spared. When was the last time you met a Taino? Didn't think so.

And South Africa? Yeah ***MAJOR SIDE EYE TO THE DUTCH** thanks SOOOOO much for Apartheid. Really. Thanks, BUNCHES. **also extra long side eye to DeBeers (you know, "A Diamond is Forever"?) for Rwanda and Tanzania as well*

My point-- Western Europe's legacy of scrambling for lands outside their own still LOUDLY echoes around the Globe. Heck, entire languages have DISAPPEARED under this fact.

So what does this have to do with the price of pencils in Pyongyang?

Like I said before, the Somali Piracy 'problem' is merely a symptom of a people fighting back (however ill-advisedly) against the system that has left them with a nation in ruin.

It always pisses me off when people talk about how corrupt and ineffectual many African governments are. How they are characterized by infighting, conflict and at best general yuckyness. At worst... constant civil war. They therefore use this to rationalize that these governments are utterly incapbable of functioning as sovereign entities and need 'help' from western nations who 'have got it right'... aka Neo-Colonialism.

What they conveniently forget is that the face of the African Continent was drawn all over with black permanent India Ink (which, by the way is a British import from its colony..) by European leaders. Before the time of Navies and Armadas, the African people had their own sovereignty systems. Sure they weren't perfect, and they would go to war, or kidnap, or enslave... but that's generally what happens when nations in conflict collide. Things get messy. But they eventually resolve and quiet down.

The scramble for gold and other resources had European nations rushing to Africa like Hollywood starlets rush to St. Tropez. Everyone wanted a piece of the action. Now, they all couldn't have the same pieces of land, so they carved them up "this is yours, this is mine" style. Nevermind that they were surreptitiously forcing tribes, nations and clans that had not gotten along for generations to all of a sudden become one nation, but they felt it was their right to just up and jack someone else's swag! As a matter of fact, this internal dislike was exactly the tool needed to make sure the people stayed subjugated and never unified to rise up and eject these usurpers. Textbook 'Divide and Conquer'. What the Hell, Europe?

Fast forward to the mid 1900's when these African Colonies realized they were gettin smoked with the Okie Doke and it was time to evict Sir England and M. France... or Sir England and M. France realized that it would be more profitable, and less mess to just trade with a new sovereign that was used to dealing with them. **enter the Wave of Independence** Now, we have these provisional governments set up as permanent governments. Many are acheived by violent coups and civil war. Remember those clans and tribes I was talking about? They STILL don't like each other. The rapid departure of the colonial masters' and their armies destablizied nations enough that now we have people going batshit crazy to control what was left. Some managed to hold 'free' elections... but other's just shot up the place until the opposition relented.

So now, you have groups that don't like each other but are FORCED to live together in order to be recognized as independent sovereigns by the International Community. Enter backbiting, in-fighting, coups, civil wars and genocide. Throw in some terrorist groups that thrive off of recruiting the disenfranchised and disenchanted. Sprinkle in illegal arms from rogue nations. And for kicks let's add drought, famine, HIV/AIDS, poor education and exploitation. TADA!! You have the perfect quagmire that is RIFE with pirates, guerillas, terrorists, genocidal leaders and desperate people.

Somalia is just a microcosm of this larger, messier nastier phenomenon. As the old saying goes, 'Desperate times call for desperate measures.' And you wonder why people are turing to piracy... and why landed Somalis and expats applaud and even finaincially support it. Its a form of rebellion. Its a form of sustenance. Heck, it even stimulates the local economy. Every hood person know you gotta get your hustle on to make it. This is their hustle. THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT RIGHT. But IT DOESN'T MAKE IT UNEQUIVOCALLY WRONG,EITHER.

You may not agree with my views. And frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn. Clearly I am a left wing socialist lunatic who believes in crazy things like fairness, human rights, equal opportunity, government lucidity and accountability... and other such rot. I must be insane.

Before I go, I just wanted to post this little pic. Think about it.

Oh and as for piracy..... yeah, I'm looking at YOU Bernie Madoff. Lehman Brothers. Enron. AIG. Citicorp. Yeah... lookin at you EXTRA HARD.

Verbal Evisceration of a Racist Mofo

2009-04-03T15:36:00.003-05:00

Aight, so I was over the the freshxpress.com and stubled across this article. You should go over and take a gander, but for the quick and dirty, it is a post of an article written in response to a columnist on the conservative website townhall.com (I'll be damned if Imma link that horse shit to my page... you gon' have to get over there the old fashioned way).

In essence, this "writer" said the following about our magnificent First Lady:
- She is a racist (the ghost of the Right Reverend Wright strikes again!)
-She got her educational opportunities because of Affirmative Action
-She got her prominent career and impressive resume because of Affirmative Action
-She's a "James Brown Look-A-Like"
-She's a bitch

Oh, but it gets better. He also says the following:
"If we were a racist society, Oprah Winfrey, your fairy godmother, certainly wouldn’t be a billionaire; she’d be fetching someone’s mint julep. And Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice wouldn’t grow up to be secretaries of state; they’d be sweeping out the stables. And Will Smith and Denzel Washington wouldn’t be movie stars; they’d be in the fields picking cotton."

Before I pop off and get out of pocket... first, a prayer:

Dear Sweet Lord Jesus,
Thank you so much for creating the shallow end of the gene pool, and those it has begotten. Thank you for allowing them to be an endless flow of fodder when I have nothing else to write about. I pray Lord, that my words cut deep, cut true, and are hilarious. And please Lord, keep me in the Land of IGNANT, and deliver me from the Valley of Ignorance. In Your Precious Name, AMEN.

Now, I sauntered my way over to townhall.com just to take a look around. I like to research the places/people/things that I am about to verbally eviscerate. Never let it be said that I don't do my homework.

My first issue is mainly surface: Why is that site so BUSY? I mean, my eyes rebelled against me for making them try to take in too much disorganization at once. They were ready to quit me for abusing them. Just too much crammed into too little space. And poorly laid out. But I have noticed that many conservative sites, including our own Faux News, tend to be like this. I have theories as to why... but that is a whole nother post all by its lonsome.

Now, lets get to the duqois and foie gras of my rant.

First... I am WELL AWARE that this was an opinion column, and that people are entitled to their opinions... no matter how ludicrous, baseless and assinine they may be. However, when a person's opinions are hateful, full of vitriol and most importantly based in complete FALSEHOODS... well, I'mma take it upon my chocolate brown, baby faced 5'7" self to choke 'em up by the collar and shake some sense into their azz. Its my duty and I do it for the people.

Y'all know me... I'm a fan of methodical ranting. Let's deal with the ignorant (Not IGNANT) statements about our first lady.

Aight... seriously, this racist bit is old. Just stop it. Not because racism doesn't exist because it does (as so aptly exemplified by the writer of the column) but because folks are just GETTING IT WRONG. *sigh* Must I go through this... AGAIN? Alright, for all the dolts out there who CONTINUE to use it wrong... click the link below.

racism

As the definition implies, in order to be racist, you must be in a group that has been given cause to find itself superior to another group, and therefore design de facto or de jure methods of subjugating an inferior group. Therefore, MINORITIES BY DEFINITION CANNOT BE RACIST. Moron.

But beyond semantics, let's get literal, shall we? Pointing out and describing a country's history of systematic disenfranchisment of minority groups does not make a person racist. Offering ideas an policies to correct hundreds of years of 'un-leveling' the playing field does not make a person racist. Calling people on the carpet and demanding they face their legacy and acknowledge it for what it is DOES NOT MAKE A PERSON RACIST. It makes them a truth teller. And as the author so pointedly descibed of his critics and their reaction to his verbal diarrhea, truth tellers aren't popular.

In addition, the writer of this here column states that since she was sitting in Reverend Wright's pews, was married by and had her babies baptized by him, she's got to be racist. Because he's racist. Let it never be said that this writer ain't consistent. He finds a theory that works and hammers away at it.
Look, I was raised by my mother for the first 18 years of my life. She happens to think I look lovely in the color yellow and dressed me in it for years (until I rebelled and started dressing like a chola... but that's another story). Guess what... I HATE the way I look in yellow. STILL. TO THIS DAY. She never indoctrinated me with her love for the color. Michelle and other intelligent folks are not vacuous holes for which indoctrination is ripe and ready to be poured into-- unless they're conservative columnists (sorry, I couldn't resist). The woman can have an independent thought and **gasp** disagree with her pastor. I disagree with mine all the time. It makes for lively debate.

Her education and career are due soley to Affirmative Action-- let's just kill two birds with this one masive boulder and move the fuck on, shall we? According to the U.S. Government, the largest beneficiary group of Affirmative Action is.... wait for it... Caucasian WOMEN. Not Black People. Not Asians. And its a matter of simple mathematics. Affirmative Action was designed to level the playing field for all marginalized groups... this includes Caucasian Women. Now... it is fact that Caucasian people in America vastly outnumber of African American people. So doesn't it mathematcially hold that Caucasian women would outnumber, AT THE VERY LEAST, the number of Black women who are benefitting from Aff. Act? Yeah.... SOMEONE needs to go back and study basic probability and statistics one more time. Since I am an epidemiologist by profession, I offer tutoring for $45 /hr.

Never mind that he insulted the woman's (and every other educated black person's) intelligence in that one stupid line. You, sir are OUT OF ORDER for that one.

First Lady Michelle Obama is a James Brown Doppleganger and therefore un-attractive.

I'mma take a line from my favorite show, The Boondocks. "Are you BLIND?"-Grandad

First of all... WHAT? This is un attractive?
Scusemesaywhatnah? Her figure is killer, her hair is lustrous--my gawt LOOK AT THOSE ARMS! Her sense of style is daring, yet charming. And she has a lovely smile.

Yeah.... she may not be his ideal, but she's certainly Barak's and last time I checked, HE'S the POTUS. Ain't nobody checking for the author's lumpy gray balding azz. **aside**Oh that's right, you're still sore about the beauty pageant LOSER (to a Black girl) cum weathergirl cum governor from Alaska. Doesn't matter that she was dumber than a box of rocks... just so long as she steamed up the white house Chrismas photos in a Santa's Little Helper outfit, right? Fukkouttaherewitthatshit.

And just for the record.... how many first ladies were deemed HAWT? Laura? Don't think so. Hilary? Nope. Barbara? HA! Nancy?? Not a snowballs chance in Hades. But there are plenty of straight men (since this particular brand of his vitriol was for my Gay BFF's) who would GLADLY steal Chelly from Barry. Make no mistake about that, hombre.

She's a bitch. Okay.... this is just plain old lazy. I mean really, he lowered himself to school yard name calling? And using the anti-creative "bitch" as the insult of choice? Yeah, he's a lazy bitchazz for just calling her a bitch for bitch-calling's sake. He ain't creative. He ain't clever. He ain't funny. He's just a crotchety old mysoginist azzhole.

Oh and I didn't forget about this part: "If we were a racist society, Oprah Winfrey, your fairy godmother, certainly wouldn’t be a billionaire; she’d be fetching someone’s mint julep. And Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice wouldn’t grow up to be secretaries of state; they’d be sweeping out the stables. And Will Smith and Denzel Washington wouldn’t be movie stars; they’d be in the fields picking cotton."

Welsah thank yuh mighty much mista suh fo' lettin us po negros come and try and do some things to make something of our otherwise pointless lives. We sho does 'preshiate u lettin is into yo schools, yo neighborhoods and yo' companies. We just prays tuh Almighty Gawd that we don't mess ovuh the chance that you doned given us tuh make sumthing of ourselvses. Thank you Suh! Thank ya!

Oh yeah, and FUCK YOU.

Epic Roast-- Hairy Moobs.

2009-04-02T15:41:00.006-05:00

Hello Lovlies!!!!

Okay... I have to apologize for being MIA (and my appearances will continue to be sporadic till round about mid-June) but its been rough on the plantation. Much tings a gwan in the world of Tuberculosis this time of year.

But I had to stop through with this little gem o foolishness... a roast of EPIC PROPORTIONS of picture of a member of a certain Greek organization at an event. Argh!

Me and my ePosse had a ball with this one. The offender's indentity has been blocked out to protect... well... EVERYONE.

**Begin Roast**

BBMo: Warning.... retinal assault in 5....4...3....2...1.....

PBG: I hate EVERYTHING!!!
Thanks for the daymares, BBMo!!

8th Wonder: I know him. Its worse in real life, and he tries to hug me at hot summer picnics looking just like that. FML.

PBG: you have my sympathies. I would be tryin' to throw the nasty potato salad that nobody will admit to making on his puzzling ass and make my escape! His body hair follicles look segregated.

Luvvie: My inner eye is JUST developed cataract. Damn. My 3rd eye just went blind for this. What did I do to deserve this morning visual ass whooping? I, Luvvie, hereby declare BlackBerry Molasses, a faux-friend. If you loved me, you wouldnt have sent that.
P.S.
Why do his man tits look like coconuts w/ pube hair? I mean, he couldn't get an s-curl kit and work it out? He selfish. And my condolences to you, 8th. If he tried to hug me, I'd prolly fall to the floor and writhe around, like scarlet did when she tumbled off the table.

BBMo: OMG 8th, you KNOW him?? I am SOOOOOO SORRY. I didn't mean to make you remember horrors. Really. I am SORRY!!!! **wall slide**

8th Wonder: Yes girl, we're real cool with the Ques in this area, so I see that shirtless fool all the time. Yall think its bad when he's standing still, imagine how it gets when he's strolling and hopping.
Oh god. I just threw up in my mouth a lil bit.

PBG: Aif Wondra...I can't even think of a suitable punishment for you for giving me that imagery on this day that the Lord has made.

ZeeBaby: You gonna try and KILL me knowing the recession is just waiting for me to fall down? I don't even know what to say! Mine eyes! Mine active imagination! MY PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY.

8th Wonder: bounce bounce

BBMo: **winces and clutches stomach** I think my stomach just decided to quit me, effective IMMEDIATELY.

If that wasn't enough, me and PBG continued on an extended roast as an aside....

****PBG and BBMo's Aside*******

PBG: Mmmhmm my mind's eye lost it's ability to blink after that

BBMo: sorry... but i warned y'all of the visual assault. you know the f*ckery i perpetuate

PBG: honestly, iCackled

BBMo: that picture was JARRING like, it made me stop speaking in mid sentence made me stop thinking in mid thought

PBG: made me stop breathing in mid breath!

BBMo: just made me stop arrested all higher level brain function and lower level as well... dang it, that picture nearly took my LIFE that's why I sent it! if you heard I was dead, i wanted y'all to know who killed me

PBG: evidence that's right, leave a trail for CSI

BBMo: exactly. i wasn't just inadvertently perpetuating jackassery.... i was making sure he got what was coming to him!! an s-curl chest treatment, and a gym membership.

PBG: he needs a flamin hot body wax and powerful prayer

BBMo: I like em big.....but his tiddays can NOT rival mine in size JUST NO

PBG: Dude got me beat

BBMo: He looks like he's AT LEAST a C-Cup... da hell?

PBG: he'd need a strap extender tho

BBMo: you ain't neva lied!! I haven't seen a 64 C even in specialty bra shops

PBG: nope, not ever

BBMo: them hairy jimsens in a bra??? *shudders* nah, he need a sport camisole with an underwire so I don't see cleavage, because I'd throw up. my mind's eye would throw up. my future children would throw up

PBG: my ancestors would call fuckery

BBMo: and Aif KNOWS him?!?!?! I am sad for her lifespace he tries to hug her SECURITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PBG: I'd beat his ass w/a badmitton racket if he ran up on me @ a picnic

BBMo: OMG if I saw him coming I would seriously take off in the other direction.... while calling 911

PBG: him is scary @ me

BBMo: soooooooooooooo scary @ me just all outta order... outta pocket...he got me out of thin air

PBG: that just needs to be covered up. at all times in bed, in the park, in the shower

BBMo: I heard he's a Philly bruh... if I SEEEEES him, Imma run up on him with a XXXXL black t-shirt and just throw it over his head and keep running!! and I'mma slide him a coupon for wal-mart... so he can keep his wardrobe fully stocked for the LAWD as my witness, that picture shall NEVER happen AGAIN

We some ignant asses.... ain't we?
Catch y'all on the flip!!

Love,
The Molasses One.

Video Review: Blame It

2009-03-12T11:19:00.005-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYc875zkDxg

Jaime Foxx is my homeboy. Really. I love his arrogant ass to pieces (though I would never hang out with him. His ego would suffocate me.)

I just got done listening to his two most recent offerings to Top 40 and Urban Radio... Blame It and Just Like Me.

Both these songs are ignant as hell... but who said that all music had to be deep? People say this is a recent phenomenon of the industry being about product and profit, not the music... but Brickhouse is one of my favorite songs and it talks about a woman's measurements. It doesn't mean that it hasn't gotten worse with time, but not all music is meant to be soul piercing. Sometimes you just wanna have a funky good time. (Aside: I think the industry has gotten more about promoting pretty faces that can't carry a tune worth a damn-- but that's just me.)

Which brings me to the vid for 'Blame It'. First off... I like this song. I know music snobs, including my own mate, will give me the stinkeye for this statement... but I don't care. The beat cranks and when it comes on in the car, I turn it up.

But that doens't mean I don't recognize it for being ignant and slightly insulting... I mean "I was unaware how fine you was before my buzz set in?" The f*ck? I'm supposed to be flattered you needed beer goggles to find me cute?? Ummmm... NEXT.

But I digress... the video. That is what I came here to speak on. And speak on it I shall.

First off... this video is directed by Hype Williams. Hype.Williams. Dang, this niglet is still around? Wasn't his heyday like... 14 years ago??? I knew it was a Hype Williams vid before I even saw the credits? Know how? Homie was a wanna-be features director who specialized in "big willies in the club" and "who's who of hip hop" vids. In this vid, he combined to two and to it to the NEXT F*CKING LEVEL.

Now this isn't entirely Hype's fault. I blame Jamie. He decided to one up the 'who's who of hip hop' concept.... WELCOME TO THE WHO'S WHO OF "A-LIST HOLLYWOOD" or "OSCAR WINNERS' NIGHT OUT". Just parading his Hollywood homies all up in his music video *smdh*

The Cast (I sh*t you not):

Jake Gyllenhaal- Jakes appearance perplexed and vexed me a little. I mean, there were other's thatALL THE WAY MORE don't belong but Jake just looked like his boys lied to him about the kind of club they were going to. He looks like he was expecting "Hip" and got "Hood". That's not to say he didn't look good. He's a 2520 who could GET IT! (Aside: All the 'attractive' genes were spent on him. Maggie is a great actress but... )

Forest Whitaker- WHY IS HE IN THIS VID??!?! Just lookin' like a father looking for his wayward daughter at the club. I look at him and see the Last King of Scotland and the Great Debators all at the same time. Just NO. Take your Oscars and Golden Globes back to the house and sat the f*ck down. Your baby girl is at the house, getting ready for her debutante ball. She ain't at the hood spot. Go home.

Ron Howard- Remember that Sesame Street segment "One of these things just doesn't belong?" His appearance elicited the strongest "WHAT.THE.F*CK" I have ever uttered when watching a video. The wispy thinning strawberry blonde locks stretched across his non existent super receded hair line coupled with the "whack-ass pedophile sexy" look..... **shivers** He just looked all kinds of ot of place! I mean really... RON F*CKING "OPIE TAYLOR" HOWARD in a JAMIE FOXX VIDEO. Just WRONG.

Sameuel L. Jackson- This man truly is the hardest working man in Hollywood. I mean, he's doing music videos now. Gotta get that paper and earn that cheese, right? I must say, he looked the least out of place... which is scary @ me because he's old enough to be my GRANDPA. Oh well Sammie Jack... do you.

These cats just get the "You so GOTDAYUM TIRED. Sit the F*ck Down and Shut the F*ck Up" Award

Bill Bellamy- Homie, you done had the same hair for 20 years... take a look at the "man in the mirror." Maybe its time to "Make that Change"... its gonna feel real good... Shelmore! *MJ crotch grab*

Morris Chestnut-- rockin the Bald look...um... yeah, your sexy quotient is -210 after this. You don't got the head shape or face for it. Just NO.

Quincy Jones--really Grandpa? You breathe new life into the "Old Dude at the Club" joke. Eff your legendary status. YOU ARE A GREAT GRANDPA.

Cedric the Entertainer- Just STOP IT.

Bit Players

Pop 'n Lock Girl-- she looks like she's someone on the production team's baby sister who can pop it and lock it. They decided to let her be up in the vid. Whippin that pony tail weave extra hard. They LEAST they could have done for her is give her a decent weave and a cute top. I mean really... compared to the rest of the girls in the vid... she looks like a dude.... in drag. Po' thang. (you get a good face shot of her at the end of the video-- I AM MAD AT THE PRODUCERS FOR HER).

T-Pain-- It was your dumbass idea for Jamie to use Auto Tune, wasn't it? You ridin his actual singing talent like a rodeo by making it so that folk can't tell when you are 'singing' and when Jamie is singing. Because see... Jamie Foxx can actually sing. Yeah, YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ANYONE WITH THAT SH*T. Oh yea.... and YOU ARE NOT SEXY. So please stop the 'oral sex simulations' with your scary ass grill. And shotgunning Nuvo on the dancefloor= Wack Ass Ninja. Stop that sh*t... yesterday! Please and thank you.

Miscellaneous Offenses

The Giant Dancing Panda-- This vexxed me Jamie. I was just all kind of vexxed wit this.
Jamie, what the F*CK you been smoking dawg? Where can I get some? Because seriously, what would a giant dancing panda be doing in even the most random of clubs? That head must have been hot as Hades because you were workin it in that panda head. But.... why??

Red Light Special--Why was everything red? I mean... the whole video looked like it was "that time of the month." Do you know how many faces red lighting is flattering on? Not a one. Because even the 'cute' girls were kinda lookin... "eh", in that lighting. Particularly if they were dark skinned, like your 'love interest' (and Imma get to her in a second). I feel like this "red" thing was Hype's attempt at a "concept lighting scheme". Ummm.. Hype? That wasn't avant garde... it was PAINFUL.

Sunglasses In the Club-- Why must you perpetuate this sh*t like it is okay? It is NOT OKAY. Why are u (and everybody else) wearing sunglasses at night ((enter Cory Hart's song))? You can't see nothin. Look... Ray was a great movie but its like the Sopranos. Its OVER! Get a new show!

Big Willi-isms, Girl on Girl Action and Bottle Poppin in VIP--Really? We are STILL doing this? Fa real? Nothin else to show off about how cool it is to be in VIP....... **sad face**

Your 'Love' Interest-- I suppose I'm supposed to give you Kudos for choosing a dark sista to be your 'love' interest over some racially ambiguous chick. But I see it for what it is... PANDERING. Maybe you do really love the dark sistas... and she was pretty (though that is up for debate given the layers of cake on her face and horse hair on her head). But still, given the lyrics "I was unaware how fine you was before my buzz set in".... yeah... f*ck you.
*doesn't she look like two COMPLETELY different girls here?*

So.... did I miss anything?

Proudly Rockin' The Red Pump

2009-03-10T00:15:00.001-05:00

Hey There My Lovlies!!!!

So, for those of you who don't know, my bread-earning position is in the field of Public Health. I specifically work with infectious diseases such as Tuberculosis (TB) (my disease du guerre) and HIV as an epidemiologist.

Its interesting that people are not aware of the fact that TB is still a disease of public health significance in America and indeed, the rest of the world, but it is understandable. For years, TB flew under the radar as an illness that few people got... or rather few people in the United States of America got. However, with the appearance of HIV and the shrinking of the globe due to increased immigrantion and travel, TB is making a comeback.

Today, Tuesday March 10 is National Women/Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day. It is a part of the celebration of Womens History Month (yes, folks, March is Women's History Month!), designed to increase awarness, knowledge and the like about HIV/AIDS, particularly in regards to women.

HIV/AIDS infection continues to disproportionately affect women, particularly heterosexual, minority women. As such, this day holds extreme importance to me personally... since I am heterosexual, minority and female. I'm not going to give a rundown of statistics pertaining to this when you can visit The Red Pump Project and read them for yourself (Aside: Thanks to Luvvie and Karyn for putting this together... you all are phenoms of woman-dom!!)

What I am going to do is give you a brief perspective on HIV/AIDS given my work in the field of Tuberculosis Control. Hang on to your socks kids, because this might get link-happy!!

For many years, TB was on a steady decline in the USA.

With the advent of new and better antibiotics, TB was thought to be on the path of diseases like Polio and Smallpox-- the path to ELIMINATED DISEASE LAND. However, in the mid 1980's a strange spike in TB cases in the US was observed... and that spike became a continued elevation that peaked in the early 1990's. What triggered this resurgence of TB cases was the EMRGENCE of HIV.

Many people know that HIV stands for Human Immunodificiency Virus, but few know what that REALLY means. HIV SPECIFCICALLY infects and destroys CD4 white cells... the blood cells in the body that are your main defense against infectious agents. As HIV multiplies and reinfects those cells, a person's immune system becomess esentially non-existent and they are susceptible to agents that normally would not make them sick. These are called Opportunistic Infections.

Tuberculosis is an interesting animal in this sequence. The fact is that BILLIONS of people the world over are already infected with the TB bacterium Mycobacterium tuberculosis. This is called Latent Tuberculosis Infection (LTBI). However, they are not sick because their bodies are able to mount a defense and wall off the bacteria. When a person becomes infected with HIV, those defenses disappear, and the person rapidly proceeds from LTBI to having active TB disease. TB is DEADLY when not diagnosed and treated. The problem for clinicians when treating HIV infected folk is that since their immune systems are not functioning properly, TB can be ravaging their body, and they will have NO SYMPTOMS.

Both the CDC and the WHO stress the importance of controlling TB ot reduce HIV/AIDS deaths. In fact, since 1990 TB has been the single most contributing factor to HIV/ AIDS deaths in Sub-Saharan Africa and South East Asia.

This alone is staggering, but consider that after years of decline, HIV infection rates in the US have begun to slowly rise again, ESPECIALLY among minority women. This is TERRIFYING. People have become complacent. They think that because they see people people who are living longer, healthier lives with HIV infection that it is no longer a problem. That it is in fact cured. While HIV is no longer an automatic death sentence, living with it is not easy by any stretch of the imagination. People who are on HIV Antiretroviral Therapy (called HAART- Highly Active Anti-Retroviral Therapy), must take an extensive cocktail of drugs, watch their diet and health CLOSELY and will have to do so for the rest of their lives.

The work of HIV prevention is far from over. The struggle continues to save lives.

So today, take a moment to educate someone about HIV prevention. Take a moment to remember those who are affected by HIV/AIDS in your community, in your city, and the rest of the World. Discuss risky behaviors and practice Safer Sex. And let your inner fashionista/activist get her Red Pump Rockin' On!

But don't forget... once this day passes, the problem hasn't gone away. HIV is still a huge public health concern, and the better people are educated about it, the closer we are to sending HIV and TB to ELIMINATED DISEASE LAND.

Oh and if you are in Philly and don't know your status, Health Center #1 at 500 S. Broad Street (Broad and Lombard) has FREE RAPID TESTING. Come on down and Get in the KNOW. I can't promise that I will test you, but our staff is kind, professional and it is completely confidential.

Ignant Ass Shyt or LAWD JEEBUS FORGIVE ME!

2009-02-27T14:49:00.003-05:00

So... here is a convo betwixt me and my blogfriend the PBG.

Lord, forgive me, but I really couldn't help it.

BBMo: i just seent the MOST ARID HAIR HAT... on a white woman. I fell out in the middle of the street PBG: good lord
BBMo: it looked completely devoid of all moisture... yet it was blowin in the wind
PBG: probably looked like straw
BBMo: my stomach hurts from laughing... Lord forgive me
PBG: dehydrated cornsilk
BBMo: it looked like a beaver had taken up residence on her head
PBG: minus the silky quite twig like
BBMo: and it was going to jump off and attack somebody
PBG: feral hair hat
BBMo: logging trees and making dams and shyt
PBG: you may need to call the city on all that
BBMo: methinks you are correct Hello? City of Philadelphia? We have an arid beaver problem! Its taken up residence on some woman's head! Call animal control!!!
PBG: "It's finna get meeee! HALP!"
BBMo: girl.. play dead just lay there and try not to breathe it'll sniff you and walk away
PBG: ball up in the fetal position and pray to BBJ that he controls his woodland creatures
BBMo: Please BBJ, be a provider of a nice juicy stack of twigs for this beaver on this woman's head so that it may leave me in peace Amen
PBG: Amen!
BBMo: whooo, I feel better the beaver hat was so scary at me
PBG: i wish u had gotten a pic of it
BBMo: MAN I wish!!!!!I woulda stamped it... EPIC FAIL

We ignant and all kinds of WRONG. Lord Jesus... forgive us...

Happiness Is...

2009-02-24T17:18:00.003-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1j-1Ww6K4g
(apparently, embedding is disabled, but click this link first)

**this is a reprint of something I posted on Very Smart Brothas today. Subject: How to be happy**

I love happiness.

I love when people call and ask me how I’m doing and I can genuinely say… “I’m doing great!”
But being happy is not a static state of being. It is a process, a journey of self discovery if you will.

When I was younger, I thought the key to happiness was to have the right STUFF. The right car, home, clothes, hair etc. Now, while I enjoy being surrounded by nice things (I am a Taurus after all), I have joyfully discovered the keys to happiness — forgive me if i repeat what others have
said.

1. Be thankful. We live in one of the richest countries in the world. Be grateful for everything… even the problems. Because trust, someone out there can only DREAM of having what you have. Do you know that if you make $28,000 USD, you are among the top 10% wealthiest people in the World? I looked around my home and realized that a family of 15 would GLADLY live in my space. TAKE NOTHING FOR GRANTED.

2. Love, love, love. And I’m not talking about romantic love here (although that adds to your happiness, if it is true and pure). Love people. Realize that no matter how douchey someone is being, chances are its a manifestation of hurt, anger and loneliness. So do your best to love them. That means be cordial, smile, and have an open spirit. Sometimes, people are looking for someone to love them– simply by recognizing their humanity.

3. Laugh. Alot. A whole lot. At the dumbest things. Remember funny stuff, tuck it away and retrieve it when life is getting you down. At the very least, it will make you crack a smile, even in the midst of tears.

4. Nourish your soul–however you decide to do that. Connect with your spirituality. Pour yourself into you passions. Share time and space with people who lift you up, yet keep it real with you. A well fed soul is a happy soul.

5. Take care of your physical self. Eat well. Exercise. Maintain your appearance, but DON’T OBSESS. Nothing says self- love like self-care. And people who love themselves (and are not narcisscists) radiate happiness and are able to share love.

6. Live your life like your breath could be taken fom you tomorrow. None of us are promised that we will wake up the next morning when we lay our heads down at night. Truly makes you think about making the most of every moment you have

House of 'Damn Its Wrong" Strikes Again

2009-02-23T17:03:00.011-05:00

**before I get started, all you Bey fans Go.Sat.Down. I am not a Bey hater... just a hater of her wrong ass fashion choices.**

Aight... I didn't watch the Academy Awards last night. I don't have cable and I was actually spending a nice evening with my in-laws and my neices and nephews.... NOT WATCHING THE AWARDS.

I didn't even get a glimpse at the Red Carpet Parade or as I like to call it, the ODE TO EGRIGIOUSLY OVER-THE-TOP FASHION SHOW... I mean seriously, the amount of jewels and dresses on that carpet could have collectively fed 3 small countires for a year. Seriously... we are in a recession folks.

But I digress.

I still love fashion and caught my breath at some of the lovely frocks I saw on my favorite starlets. In particular, I thought Teraji P. Henson looked positively GLOIROUS. As did Alicia Keys, Kate Winslet, Queen Latifah, Marisa Tomei and many others.

But then came Beyonce... in this black and gold NIGHTMARE!

Okay. I understand and give props that Bey has an amazing figure. She obviously works hard to stay in shape. Much respect. But tell me WHY must your dress be so tight? It looks like if you eat ONE shrimp, the seams on that sucker are going to be poppin like Orville Redenbacher's. And while I gave her props for her figure, don't be fooled folks. I'm not. I can SEE the lines of the corset that his whittling her waist to wasp like proportions. And I hear she may employ "booty amplifying" shape wear as well. Hey, I knock NO ONE'S hustle. I have stock in SPANX.

My next point of issue has nothing to do with the dress so much as her presentation. Bey... sweetie? This is the OSCAR'S, not your latest video shoot. You do not need to be greased up thusly. Just SHINY. Wait.... I just realized something. She was prally greased up like to help her slide into that dress. That's the only way I can see that frock happening on ANYONE.

Now... for the most egrigeous of errors.... the gold leaf foiled multi-fabric, looks like some tacky curtains print. This dress looks like the couch at Dona Guiliano's house. For those of you who don't live in NJ, this is the ex-wife of a famous Mafia don. She is the epitome of tacky and would probably buy this dress off of Bey to transform it into some curtains**.

**this part is totally made up, but if it were real, trust, it would happen. this dress is just THAT tacky**

So who do we blame for this fashion horror....? Its a repeat offender folks. MAMA TINA!! That's right... Tina Knowles. Goodness, this woman and tacky are like Frick and Frack. They just GO TOGETHER.

That's right... this dress is House of Damnitswrong-er I mean Dereon Coture.

I am a lover of coture and have a couple of coture gowns. But you couldn't PAY me enough gold bullion to wear this sucker. Especially since the gold you would pay me with is already in the damn dress.

Bey, for this dress... and that HORRIBLE "Diva" video, you get the "SAT THE HELL DOWN AWARD."

Tina Knowles is on her way to getting the "Tackyness Lifetime Acheivement Award."

Birthday Shout Out

2009-02-12T16:22:00.004-05:00

A HAPPY SNAPPY BIRTHDAY SHOUT OUT TO...

"Tina"! She is my youngest blog fan (that I am aware of--- that's right, I'm calling out the lurkers) and daughter of one of my blog-friends, The Pretty Brown Girl
.
Clearly you are a well raised young lady, especially if you are a fan of my random musings... LOL!

I hope you had a wonderful and blessed day so far, lady. You still got 7.5 hours! Enjoy!

Peace and love,
The Retrospect

P.S. I tried to post the Stevie Wonder birthday song, and it crashed blogger.... so make sure someone sings it to you today on my behalf.

If that was your attempt at humor.... EPIC FAIL

2009-02-11T16:44:00.004-05:00

Okay folks.... time for another rant. Is it me, or are my co-workers banding together in a madcap plot to piss me the HELL off?? Must be, because they are testing my Christianity right now.

Alright, so part of my job, randomly enough, is producing a quarterly newsletter that gets sent out to local healthcare providers and other insitutions in the public health network.

What is supposed to happen is that I am to ask my fellow workers to contribute articles, so I don't end up writing the whole thing myself. What REALLY happens is... I write the whole thing myself.
In fact, the last issue was LITERALLY authored by yours truly in its ENTIRETY. The reason this happens is because while its a priority to me and maybe the medical director and CDC appointee, everyone else could give a flying fuck. That is... until someone calls and asks why they haven't gotten an issue. THEN it becomes an 'issue' and people look at me crosseyed. So I stare at them right back.

Anywho, all this background leads to what happened today... and why our Program Director can go KICK ROCKS. So, he sends me a laundry list of items he wants included in the newsletter, in particular an item focused on our personnel change. Our former pediatric consultant is doin' it BIG at the World Health Organization and we have a new pediatric consultant. PD man wanted me to include a few notes on our new doc. No Problem.... happy to oblige.

I figured he could give me one or two talking points about her, since he is privvy to her CV... I mean, he hired her after all. The reason I asked him rather than the source is that she is NOT full time, serves in two other positions at two other hospitals... and I still haven't figured out where her desk is. Besides, time is of the essence and she isn't here much, because she is so busy. When she's here, she is holding clinic for our pediatric patients-- off site. Moreover, his exact wording was "Include some points from her CV."

Yeah, so I send him a polite e mail asking for some help and this is the in person response I get back

"Seems to me you should be asking her."

The FUCK?!?!

If this is your attempt at humor homie, you FAIL. EPICALLY. That wasn't funny. It was snide. Your ass NEVER contributes an article (though you call sending me a laundry list of things to include "writing the newsletter for me") and now when I nicely ask for a LITTLE help, you answer me thusly?

I talked to my frat brother, who also works in my department (and has for many years) and he was like "Yep, that's B. Don't take it personal"

But it is personal. The way you relate to people directly influences whether or not they are comfortable around you. And I'm not terribly comfortable around him. Which wouldn't matter all that much except that HE is the person who has to approve EVERYTHING we do. Studies, spending, meetings, etc.... gotta ask B.

*sigh*
I was just reminded why, outside of essential conversation, I NEVER speak to this man. iCan't, iWon't, iShan't.... you ain't putting my spritual eternity and the future of my job in jeopardy cuz your threatened by a woman half your age who has twice the accomplishments... NO SIR.

Ol Stiff Whack Ass Dry Office Humor Lookin' Face....

Okay, I'm better now. Sort of.

Sweet Vindication

2009-02-09T10:59:00.002-05:00

So... my post last friday about my oversensitive co-worker calling me out via e mail?

This is the e mail my supervisor sent in response:

T,

Please support C-------- on this. There is a lot of frustration on her part by the lack of follow-up by field staff. There are basic standards for field follow-up and she's just trying to get her job done.

She shouldn't be put in a position where field staff criticize her for doing things the right way and in a timely fashion.

Please reply to C and set him straight.

Thanks,

D

And I didn't have to to a gotdang thang!!!!

The LAWD is GOOD!

Amen, and amen.

Keep Your Worries

2009-02-06T13:13:00.003-05:00

Oversensitive asshats piss me off. Really. They just need to DIE.

Today I got an offensive response to a completely innocuous e mail I sent regarding a meeting I am holding with my staff next week. Basically it said this is the time and date, this is what needs to be done to prep, come prepared to discuss XYZ... Thanks!

Here is the response I got:

"C-------, the tone of your message sounds like a commanding officer marshalling orders to the troops."

Tha HUH??!?!?!?!

Lawdamussy! Methinks someone took their "Oversensitive Pills" this morning.

Not only was the response sent to me... no, no. This person decided to hit the 'Reply to All' button.

This is how I addressed their response:

"I'm sorry, but I don't understand. Please explain what you mean.

Thanks,
C---------."

I also kindly did NOT hit the "Reply to all" button... but did deftly BCC the Program Director, so that he would be privy to the FOOLYWANG of it all, when I approach him about this later today.

BTW.... if you think being oversensitive is a female or gay male trait... this person is a 40-something year old Nigerian male with CHILDREN my age....

Yeah dude. Keep your insecurities and worries to yourself. And while you're at it, keep MY name out your mouth.

That is all.

Peace and love,
The Retrospect

What about your friends? Part I- Steel Sharpens Steel

2009-02-05T12:39:00.005-05:00

As I've gotten older, my circle of friends has become narrower. I attribute this to three things: growth, movement and revelations. I have dozens of aquaintances the country and world over... but really only a few people I call friend-- I'd say the circle is about 10 people deep. No more. No less. The reasons I call them friend are different and multitudinous, but there are a few basic characteristics that they all have in common.

Steel Sharpens Steel
Spiritual/Emotional Intelligence
and Quirkiness.

Today I will talk about the first,

Steel sharpens Steel:
You ever see those commercials for knives that can cut through anything and always stay sharp? That is a lie. They eventually go dull, if they are not sharpened. Ever seen a REAL chef cook? They have knives that may cost hundreds, even thousands of dollars, and they keep those suckers sharp... on steel rods and sharpeners. I have one in my house. There is a reason steel is so good at this. Most quality cooking knives are made of tempered steel. And can only be sharpened PROPERLY by tempered steel. The same concept applies to people

My friends are the same way. Their steel sharpens my steel, and vice versa. Each of them has a quality that I admire and aspire to in myself. Whether is passion, clarity, focus, health consciousness, temperment... there are things that any person who is keen on personal evolution has identified in themselves that needs work, and they seek the company of folk who got it down. Not co-incidentally, 'keen on personal evolution' types are also people who have something going on that is an admirable quality. So it goes both ways.

Par example: my friend K. is a gym rat. She is super health conscious, but still struggles with her own body image issues. She was the one that got me really thinking about my health and being proactive about it. We are work out buddies, foodie buddies and life buddies. On the flip, she admires my flair for the fashionable and being able to dress my body flatteringly and embracing (okay, not really, but adequately accepting) my flaws as beautiful with room for improvement. Steel sharpening Steel.

The converse of this is people who are something other than Steel trying to get down with your Steel. Either they are too sharp (rocks) or too soft (tin foil). These relationships are troublesome. Its not to say they are not nice or good people, that they are not good in general... but they may not be good FOR YOU. If you are serious about who you give that special label "friend" to, then you definitely think about these things... almost unconsciously. And if you are friends with them, these friendships are almost organically shed. You grow apart and lead different lives. Its natural and nothing to be ashamed of.

Tin foil people do you no good. You cut through them. They are too soft for you, and moreover, they may try to wrap themselves and their issues around you, thereby reducing your shine and trying to mimic your shape. Its not that you are perfect and they are not worthy. But consider this... you have issues, so do they. But they may not be ready, willing or able to deal with their issues on the level that you are, want, or need to be. Thus, they can become a drag. Ever have a friend that when they call, you stare at the caller ID and conemplate picking up? Not because you are busy or otherwise engaged, but because you KNOW they are going to have some kind of issue to dump all over you... and they want a quick bail out. Its usually the SAME issue or some close variation each time. This kind of friend is going to reduce your shine and sharpness.

Par example: I had a girlfriend in HS that I loved to death. I was new in town and she was the first friend I made. But, as we got older, our lives diverged. We were both in the honors track in HS, so she was not dumb. But she had daddy issues (her father passed and she had NO upstanding male role models... save MY father) and a mother who was physically unable to supervise her teenage daughter. As a result she had a string of loser men, who did everything from give her an STD to pimp her out to their friends to cheat with her on their wives. This all culminated in her getting pregnant and having a child by a man with 10 other kids by 4 baby mamas. She inadvertently tried to make her issues my issues by 1) trying to get me caught up with her foolishness in HS, 2) disappearing when she knew she had done wrong and I would come down on her for it and 3) me being a 'financial father' to her child because the real daddy wasn't doing jack-- I mean down to I put my job and reputation on the line to make sure they were taken care of.

She was bringing down my stock, and the older I got, the more I realized it and pulled away from her. She is a good person and a sweet girl, but her issues or rather, her lack of ability to own them and make progressive insightful decsions about changing them, made me think twice about calling her to chat or picking up the phone when she called me... because she might dump on me again. TIN FOIL. Sometimes, dealing with her made me feel and behave like our next group of people... ROCKS.

Think about what words come to mind when you hear the word 'rock'. Abraisive, rough, jagged, cuts, hard, heavy... These people, by their very being and essence chip away at your being and essence. Steel knives can be chipped, broken or even smashed by rock. These types of friends are not necessarily bad people, but they do carry themselves as if they're better than YOU. They like to pontificate and make declarations from their pedestal, while ignoring their own short comings. They have many knicknames... holy rollers, hypocrites, snobs, elitists. Each time they speak to you or present you with an issue, they make a declaration about how messed up you or your situation is, and add that they would a) never let themselves get in said situation or b) how their solution to said situation is better than yours. If they know your buttons, they might just smash your spirit to bits.

Last example: I had a friend who I loved, but I could never be open with her about my issues, and I didn't even really like being around her. She seemed so 'perfect'. She was pretty, popular, smart and entertaining. I have always struggled with my body issues and I was a nerd and painfully shy in HS. She would say things like "Well you have a pretty face, but you're too big-boned (her fave euphemism for fat) for guys to be interested" or "You are really smart, but you need to get out more." Her compliments were always backhanded and I never really talked to her about serious things. She never knew deep secrets about me because I was afraid of her judgement. If i spoke to her today, she would be FLOORED to know that I am happily married, that my husband thinks I am the sexiest thing walking the earth, that I am "the life o' the party" and give people gigglefits. Her desire to self evolve was non- existent, because she thought she had been blessed by perfection. Had I had a stronger will in those days, I would have told her to go take a long walk off a short pier, after telling her about herself... but I was lonely, shy and longed for friends. So I figured that kind of a friend was all I was worth. Not. A. Good. Look.

Continue with me in my journey exploring the characteristics of FRIENDS--Stay tuned for parts II and III of this series... as well as the belated continuation of the Relationship Crypt as well as more random funny shyt...

I'm waxing reflective and so should you, from time to time.

Peace and love...

The Retrospect

Last 2 Weeks in 90 Seconds

2009-01-20T16:15:00.002-05:00

Well, it should take you about 90 seconds to read this....

Eagles making it to the NFC Championship Game by whuppin the midgets-- GOOD
Being contacted by ex of 5 years past to see if I'm still single/ unwed-- WEIRD
Finding the PERFECT green dress for mom's Sorority's Charity Ball-- GOOD
Realizing I'm going to freeze in said dress--BAD
Refusing to return said dress because I look BANGIN' in it-- TYPICAL
Finding awesome new make-up that doesn't look like make up-- ACCOMPLISHED
Mom's 60th Birthday on the Moshulu-- AWESOME
Being in 12 meetings in 5 days-- ANNOYING
Making a new friend and sharing a drink with them on a freezing Friday night-- VERY COOL (literally)
Having a long weekend--REFRESHING
Being contacted by ex of 4 years to try and get back with me--WEIRD/FUNNY/SAD
Questioning irreversible decsions-- REFLECTIVE
Eagles losing to the Arizona Cardinals-- PAINFUL
Getting several lovely blog shout outs-- NEAT!
Seeing the first child-of-an -African-immigrant-American become President of the United States of America--STIRRING BEYOND WORDS, INSPIRATIONAL, AMAZING, AFFIRMING, ENERGIZING, JOYFUL

The Rules of Fandom as written by the Philadelphia Negro

2009-01-05T16:57:00.000-05:00

Anyone who knows me knows my ass bleeds green. I am an Eagles fan until the day I push up daisies. My fellow blog friend The Philadelphia Negro posted the end-all, be-all dang near BIBILICAL Rules of Sports Fandom

Learn them. Know them. Follow them. And ye shall be rewarded with a championship.... (hey, it worked for the Phillies, didn't it?)

So shall it be written, so shall it be done.

E-A-G-L-E-S, EAGLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. I am truly enamored by this post because I have friends that VIOLATE these RULES CONSTANTLY. One of them happens to be my best friend. Self-proclaimed Philly girl who loves the Midgets and the Cowgirls and hates the Eagles. Don't worry, she has many other redeeming qualities... but on Sundays we don't like each other much. Especially if its a divison game.

I resolve....

2008-12-31T10:34:00.003-05:00

Hey there good peoples.

So we all know today is the last day of two-double odd-eight. As we arrive on the cusp of the beginnning our 2009th trip since the Death of Christ, around our yellow hydrogen- into- helium- converting- massive center of the Solar System, so comes the tradition of commitments to change/growth/self-discovery and evolution that will accompany each indivdual on the next 365.25 day journey.

The good part about New Year's Resolutions we are human. We are idealistic and hopeful. We tend to take a look inward and examine the things we want to do to improve upon ourselves and hopefully the world in which we live. The bad part about them is that... we are human. We suck at committing to anything, but especially change. That makes us cynical, self-esteem destroying nutcases.

I have come to the point where typical resolutions just don't 'do it' for me anymore. Getting healthy, loving more, learning something new, traveling more or whatever, shouldn't have to wait until New Year's Day before on resolves to make it happen. As the old skool Nike commercials said... JUST DO IT.

So, what is the point of all my preachy-ness above? Where is the funny, you ask? Well, in lieu of regular-ass resolutions, I have made up some new ones that I think people will appreciate.

1. I resolve to never wear matching socks for the rest of 2009. Matching socks was soooo 2008. Mismatching socks is what's hot for the '09! I'mma give myself bonus points if they are visible and horribly mismatched. Think the argyle trouser sock and the stripped trouser sock with flats.

2. I am going to create another nickname for myself. Something random and stupid. Hayle, if Benoncay can call herself Sasha Fierce, then I can call myself something just as moronic. I'm thinking Boomquisha Flyness, Esq.

3. I'm going to start naming more inanimate objects. My car is already Niobi. My ipod, Imelda Marcos II. I think Imma call my couch Mooshie. Maybe I'll name all my shoes (dang, that might take me till 2010)!!!

4. Two words. Pig Latin. I'm-ay esurrecting-ray at-thay.

5. In the languages department, there will be MORE YODA SPEAK. Gone, you thought it was. With a vengance, return it will.

6. I resolve to keep a bottle of liquor in my desk. As the Boy Scouts said... "Always be prepared." I intend to be prepared to get it crunk at all times.

7. In order to survive long ass boring ass meetings, I am going to up my "face making" skills. I intend on attempting to crack up at least one person per meeting.

Seven is my lucky number, so I will stop here.

Have a safe, happy and healthy new year. Be careful and thoughtful in your libations this evening. And for the love of all things good on the Earth, if you have been drinking, PLEASE don't drive.

Peace and love,

Me.

The Grand Finale: The Roast of the Cadillac Records

2008-12-30T16:28:00.003-05:00

Aight.... 2008 is almost over and 2009 is nearly upon us. So I feel like I better finish this daggone roast. Before it becomes irrelevant (maybe it has??)

Diddy..... WHAT THE FU*K ARE YOU DOING HERE?! Oh that's right. Being Diddy. Which means 'doing too much' is your natural state of being. Was everybody at this thing confused as to what season it was and WHERE this event was? Not only that, but you must have been confused as to the time of day as well. I mean, ginormous dark sunglasses at night!?!? Is your life so damn sparkly bright that you gotta wear shades? Reminds me of that song:

"I wear my sunglasses at night so I can **mumbles** something, something/ I wear my sunglasses at night [duh nuh nuh nah nuh nuh nuh ]..... DON'T MESS AROUND WITH THE MAN IN SHADES, OH NO! OH NO!!!"

Alas for you... doing to much=ASSAULT ON MY EYES. Sat DOWN Diddy.

Mama Tina... Mama Tina...
*sigh*
I know you done birthed some babies and lived some life and your figure ain't exactly what is used to be (but its still tight... i give credit where it is due). But DANG IT, you could have done SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS!!!. Maybe you didn't want to steal the spotlight from your darling baby (who seems quite adept at keeping her spotlight well focused on herself anyway) which would explain why you look so.... desperately dowdy. I mean, you are the mama of one of the most self- proclaimingest- diva- wannabes on the face of the Earth. You are the co-conspirator, I mean creator, behind House of Damnitswrong ooops, I MEAN Dereon. Sorry. You would THINK your outfit would, um... not look like something I wore to work last week. I mean seriously, I own a dress that looks strikingly simliar to this one... and I wear it to WORK. At the health department. yeeeeahhh.

Not only do I wear it to work, but, dare I say it, I wear it BETTER THAN YOU. Wanna know why? Two words... PROPER SHAPEWEAR. Oh yeah... and something else addressed below*

I have just a couple of teeny tiny questions for you, Mama Tina.

1) Why do your boobs look like they are running away from your collar bone? Seriously, looking like they are making a break for the border... between your navel and your girlie parts. My mama is about to turn 60, and her boobs are perkier looking than yours. As a 'fashion' designer, you of all people should know a good bra is a busty girl's BEST FRIEND.

*2) I gotta give you credit... the rest of your figure is RIGHT. But I'm looking at you and it looks like you are having trouble breathing. That dress is tight, huh? A little too tight perhaps? No disrespect, but you ain't her sister, you are her mama. Dress accordingly. Thanks.

For all of the above.... EPIC FAIL.

Mos Def(initely NOT!!!)

This pic was smaller than the others, but I want you all to look and see if you see what it is that I see when I see this SADNESS here. (that was fun)

Is it just me or does my boy Mos Def look like he got caught in a rain storm of "Aw Hayle NAW!". He's trying to be dapper but ends up looking like a well dressed homeless guy. What is going on wit that hat??? Did he get caught in the rain? Were you trying to rakishly tip it to one side? Either way... nuh uh.... LOSE THE HAT. Next up is that topcoat with what looks like a Manchester Prep crest on it.... Yo Mos, you borrowed your nephew's private school uniform... right? That has to be the explanation for this mess right here! I mean you seriously didn't BUY that coat, DID YOU?!?!?!?! And as for the bow tie.... JUST STOP IT. STOP IT RIGHT NOW. But then again... Talib was always the better dressed out of BlackStar, wasn't he? Yep, thought so.

One more... this isn't a fashion roast so much as EVIDENCE for the fact that Neyo just needs to hurry up and come on out of that stuffy musty dusty ass closet.

What in the TANGY ZESTY SWEET 'N FRUITY HELL is that handshake all about? Made even zestier by the schmedium jeans, skully and AGAIN, with the SUNGLASSES AT NIGHT. Guess he didn't want Jigga man to catch him checking out his package....

This concludes the roast of the Cadillac Records Movie Premier. Hope you didn't choke on your Cap'n Crunch while giggling. If you did, be aware that you can't sue me. I ain't got no money no kinda way.

Random Aside: Sometimes I can Rock the Mic

2008-12-18T18:00:00.003-05:00

Yeah, yeah, yeah... I know I got blog series' to be finishin n sh*t, but THIS RIGHT HERE was so golden, I decided to drop it on my own blog too. This was a comment left by me on "Hey, You Asked!" run by the lovely Pretty Brown Girl.

I spits hot FIYAH!!!

**In the style of Public Service Announcement by that eight figga ni**a Jigga**

Allow me to reintroduce myself...My name is B.. B M to the O see/
I reside in the State of New Jersey/
For me blogging is that crack, you see me/
I also dip my quill on that poetry.
Biostatistics is my day job/
but I wish I was stackin paper off of my straight fiyah blog!
Chronicles of a LostWomanchild, holla at me/
I'll keep you rollin offa blackgirl insanity.
Self proclaimed fashion and shoe addict/
I love roasting those dressing like they got a drug habit/ UH!
Happily married is my night gig/
we do the damn thing but we still ain't got kids!

**Drops the mic**

Blog Roast: The Cadillac Records Premier: Part 2

2008-12-10T22:45:00.012-05:00

Now that you have been teased and titillated by part one, it is time for the roast to ensue. The Movie Premier that was one big fashion "What in the SAM HILL?!"

I just wanted to remind y'all how WRONG Bey's dress is.
Do you see this? It looks like a Hefty Bag stretched over her goodies... with a cape. And then the bottom... what is going one exactly? Is that House of Damnitswrong embroidery/sequins on it?

Oooh lawd!

Next victim: Adrien Brody

What exactly is going on with Adrien Brody?? Why does he look like a bootleg dirty replica of the typical image of my Lord and Saviour? Why?!?! Couldn't (wouldn't) see a barber, Brody? Just because you got money you can look like an ant farm is taking up residence in your facial hair?! I think not. EPIC FAIL.

Cedric the Entertainer

Homie, why are you doin too much? You looking good man. You dropped some weight... but also lost your damn SAT DOWN sense. What is with the scarf? Tied thickly around your (no)neck? Wasn't this premiere in LA? Since when is a scarf needed in LA... ever? Oh I get it, you listened to that song about the guys waving their designer scarves all over the place in the ultimate show of bitchassness. I know you ain't no high fashion dude, but seriously, this is ASSAULT on my eyes. SAT DOWN.

Gabby Union

You know, I think Gabrielle is one of the most beautiful women on Earth. And generally speaking, she dresses well. But seriously WTF Gabby??!?! You fucked up not once, but TWICE?! Da hell? Did you give your stylist a fruit cake for Christmas? Run over her dog with your car? Tell her her breath smelled like head cheese? Because these faux pas are payback for SOMETHING. First of all, did they run out of clear gel deodorant at your local drug store? I can send you some mama. Seriously.
Next the dress... where do I begin. Where are her breasts?. Just lookin like a 12 year old girl. It would be otherwise hot if it was cut correctly, but it aint. So its wrong. Just WRONG.

Toccara, I am MAD at you mama. For a number of reasons, least of all being your outfit.
First, you made us thick girls proud by going on ANTM and wrecking shop as a plus sized model. Then you go and get all.. non plus sized... except for your boobs. Looks like you walking around with two basketballs stuck on your chest. STOP IT.

The dress... HAWT MESS! Too many textures and details going on. Is it sheer layered over satin? Is it lace? Is it a bubble dress? Is it a babydoll? Is it form fitting? Is it loose flowing? WAITAMINUTE... its ALL OF THE ABOVE!!!
**BBMo's eyes are twitching from the pain of assault**

But I could get past the dress if it wasn't for.... YOUR ASHY LEGS PANTYHOSE! Never heard of fleshtone hose?
Girl, it looks like you are ALLERGIC to LOTION. Naw mama. And then... you wear pantyhose with open toed t-strap sandals... and are those your TOES poking out? Oh, and your HAIR. I'm a fan of big hair but you really do look like you got a head full of curly fries. I'mma stop now because I just don't have the energy to expend on your wrongness, Lady. Lawdamussy!

That's all for right now... stay tuned for part 3... the finale of this fashion travesty, the Cadillac Records Premier Roast

Blog Roast: The Cadillac Records Movie Premier-- Part 1

2008-12-10T17:33:00.008-05:00

Ladies and gentlements. With the help of my gloriously beautiful guest blogger 8th Wonder, we hereby present the roast of *duh duh nah da!* The Cadillac Records Movie Premier.

Good lawd, you would THINK that with all the money these people have, they could have done better. And OH, how they NEEDED to DO BETTER.

**note, we are not Bey haters. Not by any stretch of the imagination. We just HATE poor fashion choices. And also, no one else will be spared our wrath. (So all you Beyonce stans can just stop it right now. Just stop. No really, I mean it. Don't make me get my belt.) **

Just a li'l teaser based off of the FIRST pic...

BBMo: oh, i just got the pictures of the cadillac records premier... they WILL be roasted on my blog, post haste.

8th Wonder: oh, this I must be a part of

BBMo: lemme forward them to you. comment and send your comments back to me. i'll incorporate them as a guest blog feature

8th Wonder: okay, just off the strength of Jigga's hair, I know I'ma have some thangs to say

BBMo: I'm tellin you!!! I was roasting involuntarily when i saw them the first time. why wasn't his hair combed? and why does he look like Bey's drunken uncle escorting her to the prom?

8th Wonder: okay what kind of pleather monstrosity is Bey's dress made of? Damn you mama Tina, damn you to creole hell!

BBMo: i thought it was more like she took a hefty bag and stretched it over the goodies i mean mean really. just SHINY PLASTIC ALL OVER THE BOOBS... and had the nerve to have a train

8th Wonder: a train of epic sadness *sigh* and this is honestly the first time I've seen her and Hov together and been like WOW, he's way older than her

BBMo: i know! he almost looks older than her daddy. but seriously, he didn't have time to get a haircut? or is he tryina rock a TWA (teeny weeny afro)?

Go now and get you some Depends. And a paper bag. You gon' need it.

Aw Dang! I've been Tagged

2008-12-04T17:02:00.003-05:00

I was tagged by the Queen Bee

The rules are as follows:

Link to the person that tagged you, and post the rules on your blog.

Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself.

Tag 7 random people at the end your post, and include links to their blogs.

Let each person know that they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Seven Random Facts About the Rebel Intellectual

1. You can't see it in my pic, but I have one 'normal' shaped ear and one 'elfin' shaped ear that was a result of an accident as a child.

2. I have 63 (at last count) 1st and 2nd cousins and I have yet to meet my entire family (aunts, uncles, living grandparents).

3. My mom at nothing but black licorice when she was pregnant with me... consequently the smell of licorice of any kind makes me hurl. Twizzlers are scary @ me.

4. I am almost legally blind in one eye

5. I love olive oil and eat it regularly and use it as a moisturizer, but for some reason, I'm allergic to OLIVES themselves.

6. The movie Gremlins scared the crap out of me when I was little and still creeps me out big time as an adult, yet I can watch most other scary movies and just sniff at them.

7. I can't come up with a seventh random fact. Other than I'm just a random ass individual.

I'm going to break a rule here and NOT tag 7 other people. I know. I suck. So sue me.

Tales from the Relationship Crypt-Episode II: Whatever you like...

2008-11-26T16:38:00.001-05:00

Gather round chilluns... its time once again to share my foolishness for the edification and upliftment of single peoples everywhere.

Time for... Tales from the Relationship Crypt Episode II: Whatever u like...

I have always had a penchant for older men. In fact, my mate is the third youngest person I have been with in my 'adult' relationship life, and he's still got 4 years on me.

Older men tend to me more settled, accomplished, and looking for a nice pretty young thing to wife and knock up... usually. They also tend to come with baggage like ex-wives and children that are old enough to be your siblings.

I met a gentleman who had all of these things going on, except for one crucial element. The ex-wife wasn't an ex, yet. Oh the h3ll that I caught for this one...

I met P.P. while I was teaching in St. Louis (noticing a theme here? lotsa foolishness happened there, prally why I hightailed it out of that city). I was the assistant girls volleyball coach for the school I was teaching and an he was the girls volleyball coach for another high school in the city. We first met at the Saturday season-opening tournament. We had all day to notice each other, casually walk by each other, shake hands when our teams played each other... and when our teams were not playing, we talked. He was so nice. And for an older guy he was exceptionally good-looking. Well built, well groomed, worked out often, and very nicely dressed. On top of all that he was cultured, refined and a true gentleman. He was a history teacher. In the span of a couple of hours we had spoken on politics, art, history, books... yeah, I was feeling this one. And there was NO WEDDING RING.

At the end of the tourney, when we had gotten all our girls on their busses home, he helped me carry my equipment to my car, and loaded it all in for me. We had gotten a light dusting of snow, so he started my car and cleaned the snow off while I sat inside getting toasty. I was floating, and he hadn't even touched me yet.

We exchanged info and he called me the next day. We talked and right off the bat he told me that he had to be "honest" with me. He was "recently divorced" and had two children that were fairly close to my age. He wanted to know if I was okay with this because he was very interested in seeing more of me. Since he came right out and told me the truth, I said I could deal if we took it slow and kept it casual. He was fine with that and proposed taking me out to see a production of the King and I and then dinner at the Millennium Hotel. I thought it was a fabulous idea.

He took me out and showed me a wonderful time. He was every inch a gentleman and at the end of the night, he asked if he could kiss me goodnight. I happily obliged.

After that we saw each other often, but we weren't seriously dating. Since he had just gotten out of a marriage, he was more interested in just spending time in the company of a young lady who he could treat nicely. I couldn't argue with that, but I unconsciously stopped dating other people. We saw each other at games when our team played each other, we would meet for dinner or drinks... just casual.

Our contacts continued through spring into the summer months. He would bring me take out for dinner and a classic flick, bought me small thoughtful trinkets and even bought me some nice earrings for my birthday. One weekend, he asked if he could take me out to the Lake of the Ozarks (St. Louis' best excuse for a beach-- gawd how I missed the ocean when I was living there). There was a resort there and he wanted some company. I thought... sure, why not. When he came to pick me up, he said he had a gift for me. He opened his trunk and in it was a Louis V duffel. He said this would be better than my little black wheely bag that was admittedly beaten to death from frequent use. I was floored. I had NEVER had someone treat me like this.

We had a loverly time that weekend. However, drama ensued the moment we came back.

My apt had street and gated parking. I normally park in the gated lot, but I had left my car on the street over the weekend. When he dropped me off, I saw that my tail light had been busted out. I freaked because I thought someone had tried to steal my car. But then I wondered, why would anyone want to steal a Galant with 2 BMW's and a Mercedes parked on the same block? My gentleman friend offered to pay to have the light fixed. I thought he was being so thoughtful. I should have known his conscience was getting the better of him.

When I got inside, I checked my voicemail... 2 messages from the 'rents, 3 from girlfriends and 2 messages that were 'unidentifed.' Nothing out of the ordinary... or so I thought. Then my phone rang.

Me "Hello?"
Caller " Is P. there?"
Me "um, nooo... can I help you? And who are you?"
Caller "This is P's wife, ho!"
Me "I'm sorry.... wife? And DID YOU JUST CALL ME A HO?!?!"
Angry Wife "Yes. He is my husband and you are the HO he's messin with"
Me " Okay. Um, name calling isn't necessary, P. told me he was divorced. Please don't make me disrespect you. I have always had respect for my elders."
Angry Wife "Did you just call me old, b***h?!?!"
Me "Look, you are mad at the wrong person. He LIED to BOTH of us. Take it up with your cheating husband. You can have him. I don't need him" CLICK

Cell phone rings

**Dear God, don't tell me this heifer has my cell phone number too. How dumb is this f**ker?**

Me looking at phone "oh, its P. that mutha f**ker. Should I pick up or just forget about him now?"

BBMo picks up the phone

Me (in sweet voice to mask seething rage) 'Hello P. Thanks for a nice weekend."
P "Oh you're welcome sweetness. I'm just driving home. Hey, did I leave my sunglasses in your bag?"
Me "No, but you did forget to tell me that YO ASS IS STILL MARRIED!!!
**silence**
Me "Do you have anything to say for yourself?"
P "Who told you I was still married?"
Me "Oh, I don't know, the same person who maybe busted out my tail light and just called to cuss me out?! You should know her... because you are still married to her! You turned me into homewrecker you mutha fu**king asshole (stream of expletives)"
**more silence**
Me "well, aren't you going to say anything!!?"
P "I can't believe you would take her word over mine (BBMo thinks what the F**K?!). I suppose we can't see each other any longer. You can keep the gifts"
Me "you damn right I'm keepin' em! And since its your F**KING fault, I expect a check for my f**kin tail light!!!"
CLICK

I did receive a check chilluns, after I sent him the invoice from the repairs. I also pawned most of the jewels and those gold earrings.They paid for my vaycay to Key West. But DAMMIT I kept the LV duffel. Its niiiiiiiiiiiice!
Luckily, I never really had to see him again, either professionally or socially. He was a history teacher, so we were never at the same district meetings. And even if he did see me at some school district funtion, I'm fairly sure he turned tail and RAN. Man, that was some SH*T.

Lesson learned: EVEN OLDER GUYS BE ON THAT BULLSH*T! Don't believe the hype!!!

P.S. I debated posting this because...well... WOULD YOU POST THIS IF IT HAPPENED TO YOU?!?!

the things I do for the people...

Self Therapy Time

2008-11-25T17:05:00.006-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8EEnFvynzI

Alright... for those of you who follow me (thanks bunches by the way ***Diva Dust (tm) to ALL of you, including those who just stopped by***) I know you were expecting episode II of Tales from the Relationship Crypt. And it shall be posted. It has been written, but something sparked the need for me to post this first.

Funnily enough it might give you insight into why I have a Relationship Crypt (eff a closet, I needed a CRYPT) in the first place.

Over at my now second home on the web VSB.com, a comment thread started where there was discussion about guys sending their friends over to holler, rather than coming over themselves. For most people on there, it was a source of hilarity. For me, however, it kind of opened up some darker memories in my mind.

Let me explain.

The happy-go-lucky, confident (most times), sunshiney, smiling person that is me did not always exist. Ya girl had major self esteem issues back in the day. Matter of fact, they still rear their ugly head from time to time.

These stem from a combination of the fact that I never went to a school where the other girls looked like me-- I always stood out and was thus often mocked-- and that I was (and still PRODULY am a nerd). I am Black. I'm a dark skinned. I am a big (yet quite well proportioned and fit) girl. I looked nothing like my skinny 2520 classmates. This was my environment for my ENTIRE life between kindergarten and 12th grade. Add to this puberty and clinical depression... it was not a pretty picture AT ALL. My mom had me on suicide watch for a couple of months after she found one of her steak knives under my bed. It wasn't until I went to college and met women who looked like me (even though we were still the minority) that I began to 'grow into myself'

So as you can imagine, guys and the thought of dating was a scary place for me. I didn't think anyone had any reason to want me. The world around me (outside of my parents, but they're supposed to say that stuff) didn't tell me that either. Add to that kids are cruel and will have fun at someone's expense gleefully. I didn't trust people.

Okay, so now you have the back story.

Around the time when I was open to meeting people (going to parties, clubs-- being a college student), I ran into this phenomenon of guys sending their friends to talk to me for them. This summarily upset me, and they would never know why their actions evoked such wrath. In short, I thought they were mocking me. I mean, if he was truly interested, why didn't he come up to me himself? Why did he have to send someone to talk to me for him? Was he going to fake interest in order to have a good laugh with his buddies at my expense? All of these things would rush through my head, and there were a couple of jerk-offs for whom my assumptions were correct. The rest of these (possibly nice, shy) guys got the royal cuss out, which sometimes earned me the b***h moniker-- but they never really knew why this was.

Fast forward to college graduation and the prospect of meeting MORE people in my new city and place of employment. I had resolved to be open and had many self-affirmations floating about in my head. I bled confidence and sex appeal because I MADE MYSELF DO SO. I was still a shy and insecure girl. Its just that after a few psych classes, some awesome friends and a couple of nice guys who were NOT jerks, that I was able to work through the shyness and insecurity.

However, I had not yet developed a Bullshit Filter as I possess now. And hence, the Relationship Crypt.

Just thought I'd share a piece of my soul. Hope yall don't mind.

No actually, you are rude

2008-11-22T17:52:00.005-05:00

**disclaimer: BBMo is not a racist. I'm a RUDEist.**

I hate rude people with a passion. This passion burns with the heat of a thousand red giants. They irk me and if I'm not careful, they can ruin my day. That's not to say that I don't have my moments. As you know, I'm a snarky bi*ch. Sometimes snark can go toO far and then its just rude. But I ALWAYS immediately feel HORRIBLE after I am rude to someone. For cryin out loud, my mom raised me properly. I should act like it from time to time.

But there are some people for whom rudeness is just a state of mind. The essence of their being, if you will. Some of them are so deluded that 1) they have a sense of entitlement that goes beyond the reasonable and into the ridonculous and 2)they don't think they are rude, and in fact think that YOU are rude for pointing out or reacting to their rudeness. How rude!!!!

Two recent events spurred me to write this, and tonight I have time and opportunity since my dear sweet mate is out with his boys and its just to daggone cold for me to want to leave my cozy home. Also, I have two pies (sweet potato and cherry)and a cake (Jewish Apple) in the oven for Thanksgiving. Ya girl can burn in the kitchen. In once instance, I reacted and let it ruin my night. In the other, I just kept it moving and am now giggling my ass off about the whole thing.

Rude happening numero uno:

One evening I was leaving work and walking to my train down Broad Street. I had several bags in my hand was arguably taking up more than my fair share of sidewalk space. I knew this, so I was consciously avoiding taking people out and apologizing if I happened to tap people. Most people were quite understanding and even moved out of my way. As I turned the corner around the Academy of Music, I saw three tallish 2520 men walking towards me. They were walking side by side, taking up the ENTIRE sidewalk. As I approached, I naturally assumed that one or more would step aside to let me pass. As I got closer, I realized they had NO intention of doing that. So I did what any self respecting sista would do. I barreled my way on through and damn near knocked two of them over. I got a cacophony of dirty looks and even a barely audible "rude b*tch". 2520snigletsaywhatnah?!?!?! I could have ignored the dirty looks but said comment gave me pause. I stopped. I turned. I looked them in their faces. The look I gave them must have been pure hatred because their eyes got as big as saucers. Very calmly with my signature attitude and tall straight posture I said "that's right, I am a bitch. Matter of fact I am Boss Bitch. Now, bitchasses, kneel and kiss da muddafuggin ring. On second thought, my fingers don't want the herps." And I walked off.
Admittedly that was not the smartest thing to do, because I think they may have been slightly drunk (there was a pub on the corner) and God only knows what could have popped off. But damn, how you just gonna out and call me a bitch? You don't even know me and it was YOUR rude asses that wouldn't move and let a lady pass. Asshats!

Rude happening numero dos:

This happened just this afternoon. I met my BFF at the gym this morning and we killed ourselves. Stairmaster and crazy abs. I was having difficulty walking straight because my legs felt like jell-o. Anyway, on the way home I decided to stop by the store and pick up a few things. As I walked in the door, there was a cart jam. Like 6 people with carts not moving. Well, I ain't have a cart, so I wove my way through the crowd. This middle aged over-tanned and slightly unfortunate in the face (prally cause of tanning) woman said "Some people are just so rude. Rude, rude, rude!" And then her eyes met mine. I gave her the sweetest of smiles but my eyes said "B*tch don't even..." I then went about grabbing the items I was there for every time I appeared in an aisle where she was, she made a quick u-turn and headed somewhere else. I scared her y'all! YAY! Actually, nothing about what I did was rude. It was cold outside and I was trying to get myself into the store so that I didn't become part of the cart jam. I made sure to say excuse me when I was making my way through the crowd. On top of that, I didn't even have a cart, so its not as if I barreled through people to get in front.
Since I did not engage her, I felt free and in fact did giggle about the situation, including snickering loudly about it on the phone to my friend while I was at the check out and she was in the check out lane next to me. She turned that shade of over-tanned purple that I had only seen a couple of times before in my life. I smiled at her again, grabbed my packages and went on my merry way... still laughing at her. I was so proud of myself. I ruined her day.

so what do you notice about these two instances? If you said that both instances involved 2520's then remind me to give you a cupcake. You are correct. Now that's not to say that all 2520's are rude, or that all people of color are polite. In fact, nothing could be further from the truth. But, the inherent sense of entitlement that some 2520's are born with and taught to exercise (either consciously or unconsciously) makes them believe that a person of color who asserts themselves, particularly a woman of color, is being rude.

My friends will argue with me that I have an inborn sense of entitlement as well, and if my assertion is to hold, then I'm calling myself rude. But my sense of entitlement is different. It is not fostered and nourished by being a member of a group that has a history of subjugating and dominating people of color all over the globe for centuries. It comes from being the only child of two parents who raised me in a comfortable lifestyle. That just makes me a bit of a diva who believes in sparkly things, getting the best out of life and giving her best to the world. Not a rude person at all. Besides...we already clarified that I'm not rude, I'm snarky.

Tales from the Relationship Crypt or “Gawd, I can’t believe I was that DUMB!”: Episode 1

2008-11-20T10:43:00.002-05:00

Okay. Since y’all asked nice I will oblige. This post will start the series Tales from the Relationship Crypt or “Gawd, I can’t believe I was that DUMB!”

Who to start with? Hmmmm… tough decision. I think I will start with G.M. The nonsense that went on with this sniglet was ri-gatdang-diculous. And it wasn’t entirely my fault. Okay, yes it was. I violated a cardinal rule. I didn’t listen to my woman’s intuition.

Story time babies… gather round the story mat.

So right after I graduated from college, I moved to St. Louis, MO to teach high school science with Teach for America. I was a new girl in a new city and the only friends I had were my fellow TFAers. And they were mostly female. I was young, cute and gainfully employed. There was no reason for my ass to be sitting at home waiting for life to happen to me.

Anyway, it was a couple of days before one of my friends’ birthdays. I went to the local Sam’s Club to get a cake to share with our track girls (she coached running, I coached field events). As I was walking around the store, I noticed this guy noticing me. But wasn’t typical noticing. It seemed like every aisle I went down, there he was smiling in my face, but not initiating conversation. I thought it was a little creepy, but he was FOINE, so I dismissed that initial knot in my stomach. I mean he was a 6’3” tall drink of caramel deliciousness with broad shoulders and locks that flowed down his back. I mean… DAMN.

Well, its nice to be admired, but if you ain’t talking, I ain’t got time. So I headed to the check out with my full cart. Imagine my surprise when I walked outside and there he was, waiting for me. Once again, ignoring that little knot in my tummy that said “stranger danger”. So he finally chats me up. In this first conversation I should have known this was a bad idea. He revealed the following information via these phrases:
"I’m here shopping with my mother” TRANSLATION “I live with my mother – and I’m over 30”
“I just got back into town from Houston. I’m into various things to pay bills” TRANSLATION “I’m running from my past and I don’t have a real job”
“I’m looking for an adult situation, I’m tired of games” TRANSLATION “I just want to hit, you got some nice knockers”

I gave him my number (stupid, stupid, stupid) and he said he would call later that night. Then this fool had the nerve to NOT HELP ME WITH MY HEAVY CART OF GROCERIES. Once again, ignored the knot in my stomach.

He called and we chatted some more. In this conversation I found out that he had a baby momma, that said baby momma had had a train run on her (whether it was before, during or after him, I am still not certain) and that he hasn’t seen his child since he left Houston six months prior to our meeting. THIS MEANT HE WAS A SUCKY FATHER, AND POSSIBLY WAS CARRYING VARIOUS STI’s. He wanted to come hang out with me (not take me on an actual date--- do you see all these damn red flags?!?). Oh wait, but I had to pick him up because he didn’t have access to a car. (I found out later his license had been suspended for a DUI). I even cooked for this ninja. We hung out a couple of times and I even took him to my homegirl’s Christmas party as my date. Everyone was oohing and ahhing over how delicious he looked and how nice he was.
Interestingly enough, before I left to go get him for the party my mother (who is definitely my angel on Earth) called me and said she just felt the need to pray a prayer of protection over me. She wasn’t sure exactly why. I’m sure The Spirit spoke to her and warned her I was about to get into some potentially dangerous nonsense.
So of course, after the party, he starts laying the mack down on me in my car. By the time we got up to my apt, we were both half dressed.

I could have stopped it there. I SHOULD have stopped it there. But ummmm… his oral game was on point and I hadn’t had any since I graduated. We did the do and he spent the night. Of course, the next morning, I had to drive his ass back home, then come home and pack to fly home for the holidays.

That morning was the last time I heard from or saw this ninja. He straight fell off the grid. All of a sudden, his cell was going straight to voicemail, he wasn’t returning my messages. I even called him to wish him a Merry Christmas, and he ain’t call me back.

I was hurt because I felt used and cheap. But oh… its gets better.

So I come back to work after the holidays. We had a permanent sub in the classroom next to mine because the little hoodlums had finally driven the white teacher that was there insane. I mean, they stole her keys and took her car out the parking lot, and then crashed it. So, permasub tells me how over the Christmas break she met this guy who was tall, fine, caramel with locks, etc. I raise an eyebrow and ask his name. “Oh his name is G. and he lives over on Natural Bridge and Page.” ‘SCUSEMESAYHUHWHATNAH?!! Now, I’m not even close to claiming to be the finest thing on the planet but I am DEFINTELY cuter than this chick. I mean, just… way cuter (God, forgive my ego, but tell the truth and shame the devil).

So yeah, she continues to describe with relish her sexual escapades with this fool while I make a mental note to go see my ob/gyn ASAP (luckily I was clean—mom’s prayers saved me, I’m sure!).

I say, “Oh really? Hmmm… he sounds nice. So does he do that trick with his tongue where he…?” The look on her face was PRICELESS.

For the rest of the year, chick made a point to talk about him around me fronting like they were still seeing each other. I knew that he had probably played her too, and she was just trying to save face. I felt sorry for her.

I saw him again a year later at my favorite used record store. He came over to say hi, and I suppose, apologize. I acted like I could see right through him and couldn’t hear anything. I wonder if his trifling-ness has caught up with him yet…

Lesson: DO NOT IGNORE YOUR WOMAN’S INTUTION… AND DESPERATION IS NOT CUTE… IT WILL LEAD YOU INTO EVIL.

I gotta write this mess down one day

2008-11-17T23:27:00.002-05:00

I swear I have verbal diarrhea. I speak a stream of consciousness and worry about the consequences later.

I forget how it came up, but I was at work talking to one of my male co-workers and somehow, stories of past relationships came up. Oh yes, I remember now. We were talking about how young women are essentially dumb about relationships, and that my history is a prime example.

As I recounted my history, he was literally banging his fist on the desk laughing is ass off. I realized that my dating history is freaking hilarious. I have been in every crazy dating situation you could possibly think of. Its completely the makings of a crazy romantic comedy. One day I'm going to have to write this shit down.

From the guy that proposed to me to get my ass to stay in town to the guy who wanted to follow me back east out of said town, to the dude that was trying to marry my ass to get his Green card, to the older man who spoiled me, but was still married to his crazy wife... I've been through it all. One day, I will write my memoirs, and give the world the laughs of a lifetime

Maybe if people ask nice, I will make it a mini-series on this here blog....

I am a snarky b***h

2008-11-14T23:10:00.001-05:00

I've said this before, but it really just dawned on me. I am a snarky bitch. Its not even like i try to be. I dont try and think of snarky comments to make. Nope, my brain just goes there... all by itself. Good thing I keep a lot of my snark to myself. If that barrier I've constructed called "think before you speak" ever breaks down, I will either be reviled as the most evil of bitches on the planet... or pitied as a sufferer of Tourette's Syndrome. Don't believe me? Fine, you dumb f**k, I don't care. (See what I'm talking about? Problems.... I apologize. Really, I do.)

Seriously though, I have proof. At least, examples that serve as proof to me.

Case #235 Snarkiness Invades the Morning Commute

You know, I seriously can't be blamed for this one. People are dumb. They leave themselves open or snarky comments, and it just cant be helped. So, this morning a group of women wearing pink scrubs get on the train. I won't even venture to guess why they were all wearing pink scrubs, but seemed barely able to form sentences that sounded remotely educated sounding... but I digress. All I know is they weren't nurses. My mother has been a nurse longer than I care to out her for, and she is an extremely educated and intelligent individual. I refuse to place these people in the same category as her. Nope. won't do it. Call it pride... if it makes you feel better. Anyway, back to the snark. So all of these chicks decide to plant themselves in the seats closest to me, even though the train was nearly empty. One of them sitting behind me remarked 'its a good thing i got an early start this morning. it gave me time to do my make-up in a full mirror instead of my rearview mirror.' ***enter snark*** I lie to you not when I say the next thought that popped into my head was "Yeah, and it did your ass no good. A bigger mirror and full make up cannot fix unfortunate looking." ZING! I didn't even try to do that... it just came out. Forgive me, Lord.

Case #176 Snark Strikes at the Courthouse...
BBMo went to jail last week. Yup, ya girl had tickets, the judge was cool but the fines were a bit high. Long story short, they said if I hung out in lock up for a couple of hours, it would knock some money off my bill. Well... cool. It wasn't like county lock up with the orange jumpsuits and house shoes. I had my Crackberry, my ipod and my hubby brought me a smoked turkey on rye with muenster cheese. Ya girl was chillin. There were other peoples in there, some had issues way deeper than mine like alcoholism that resulted in their 2nd and 3rd DUI's. Then there was Mushmouth. He got this moniker because in the courtroom through the proceedings, when we were being escorted to lock up and the 2 hours i spent in lock up, this loquacious fellow wouldn't shut the hell up. This in and of itself is a problem. Add to this the fact that he sounded like he was taught to speak with the pacifier still in his mouth and that he chews on cotton balls. In lock up, I really just wanted tune the world out. But this mo-mo would not be quiet. ***enter the snark***
The fact that I named an otherwise seemingly nice person Mushmouth is snarky enough. But then I started to wonder what chick would want to spend late nights on the phone having 'sexy talk' with a voice like that? Or let a mouth like that kiss her or her 'good girl'? Like seriously, do you get any play dude? I got mad at his mama for not teaching him to properly form his words. Am I wrong for all of these thoughts? yes. But i already TOLD you, I'm a snarky bitch.

Case# 422 Ain't no body in this club to make love to.
Last night I got roped into going to one of the whackest spots in the Del Val. I hate Taylor's with the same heat as the fire of a thousand suns. Really, that place sucks. My husband calls it 'big booty marginal looking 2520 girl heaven'. His description could not be more accurate if it were a 140 page dissertation. The girls had some reasonable facsimile of the booty that has made women of color famous. They were mainly 2520's, and far too many were marginal looking. What is hilarity to me is that there were way more bitchass looking brothas in there than I would deem reasonable. But then again, the whole situation is unreasonable to me.
So last night was an exercise in snark. I cracked on errybody up in that piece. From the desperate looking 40-something women who were trying to be MILF's and epically failing to to dudes standing around having their own little snausage fests. Oh, I was HIGHLY entertained... for a while. Then I got bored. But some of my classic comments

"She may be skinny, but she still got cottage cheese all up on her thighs. She needs to quit with that damn mini."

"How in the hell is the 2520 girl rockin a JACKED up ponytail weave? Just look like she snuck up on a horse with garden shears!"

"Where are her pants?! Oh, she trying to make us think that's a mini-dress... sorry sweetie but NO."

"Why are all the dudes clustered together like that? Did we go to a high school dance and no one told me?"

"What in the hell is a NYC dress code? We in South Jersey."

"Oh that DJ KNOWS that no one is here to dance to trance music. Take that mess to NYC."

"You can't make a martini?! Its vodka and olive juice! You need to go to remedial bartending school."

"I put on for my fellow BBW's but she needs to STOP with that jumpsuit. Really ma, stop misreppin' the pretty big girls... or in your case, just big girls."

Oh I am going to PAY for my snarkiness... but oh well. I kept myself and my friends entertained. And really... that's all that matters. That and I can provide you tales of my foolishness.

peace and love...

Hits and Misses II

2008-11-05T20:25:00.005-05:00

HIT: The most Gorgeous First Family

I mean really... Just BEAUTIFUL. My lawd, my lawd, my lawd...

HIT: Worldwide Celebrations/Congratulations

It was amazing to see how the world rejoiced over this historic moment. Just moving....

Congratulatory sand sculpture in India

MISS: The CNN Over-Technologicalized (I know it ain't a word... SHUT IT) Broadcast

The 3-D projection of the house was... okay. The 8 million laptops... I got past it But really... holograms of correspondents/celebrities in the studio? Seriously, when I saw them "hologram" in Will.I.Am I seriously was like... Say HUH? The HELL is that?!? Am I seeing what I think I'm seeing? What the hell CNN?!! I CALL FOOLYWANG!!!! What happened to the simple yet effective split screen? This is an example of Too Much Money, Not Enough Common F*cking Sense. EPIC FAIL!

Election Aftermath... Greatest Hits-- And Misses I

2008-11-05T17:19:00.003-05:00

ladies and gentle-ments....

I present... the aftermath of the most historic election of the las 200 years... the HITS... and the MISSES...

HIT- This e mail posted by a commentor on Very Smart Brothas.... i chortled

Dear Red States:
If you manage to steal this election, too, we’ve decided we’re leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we’re taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren’t aware, that includes California , Hawaii , Oregon ,Washington , Minnesota , Wisconsin , Michigan , Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly:
You get Texas , Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole’ Miss.
We get 85% of America ’s venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama .
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue; you get to make the red states paytheir fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian Coalition’s, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we’re going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they’re apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don’t care if youdon’t show pictures of their children’s caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we’re not willing to spend our resources in Bush’s Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80% of the country’s fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% ofthe nation’s fresh fruit, 95% of America’s quality wines, 90% of all cheese, 90% of the high tech industry, 95% of the corn and soybeans (thanks Iowa!), most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech andMIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88% ofall obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92% of allU.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99%of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite , thank you.

Additionally, 38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we’re discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

Peace out,

–Blue States

MISS: Ralph Nader's HATIN' ASS....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ibsP6XN2dIo

"You see me? Hi Hater!"

Reflections...

2008-11-05T13:14:00.002-05:00

*here is the moment that will leave an indellible mark upon my soul*

I just recently became a citizen so this was my first ever election

Sitting at the bar of the Cheesecake Factory with my husband and my best friend weeping tears of pure joy as I saw the count go to 292… then 338….

Telling my husband that its time we had babies–yes we can…

Crying and smiling and laughing and clapping as I saw the most gorgeous First Family walk onto that stage…

Gettin jiggy with it in the car to the sounds of celebration on the Streets of Philadelphia…

Talking to my 70 year old auntie long distance from Ghana while hearing THEM celebrate a half a world away…

Still being giddy as a betsybug, unable to get to sleep…

So excited to get to work tomorrow morning and sip some Dom with my work family….

My SOUL is overjoyed and my cup runneth over…

Project for my followers... all two of you.
I need a hater-ific soundtrack for my ipod.... i live near a thicket of McCain/Palin-ites who have been less than gracious lately... I need them to recognize.

WE DID IT! WE CAN DO IT! LET'S GET TO WORK!!!!

OBAMA/ BIDEN '08

On the Verge...

2008-11-04T17:32:00.002-05:00

Ladies and gentlemen, we are on the verge.

I am so excited, I feel like if someone touches me the wrong way, me head might explode. I also feel like if someone comes at me the wrong way, they just might get "Motherland Slapped"...

I am giddy because of the possibility that lies before us.

Children who have no hope and had nothing but excuses for not being their best... that is being eroded as we speak. No more will I hear from kids that I volunteer mentor say "I'm black. I'm poor. I didn't have it like that. We didn't have no head start. I don't know my daddy. I moved around alot. I cant be anything because no one who is me has ever been President or anything like that..."

They can't say that anymore. They don't want to say it anymore. Today, driving into work I saw children on the corner of 40th and Market screaming "Obama! Obama! YES WE CAN!!!" at the top of their lungs. Like seriously, going APESHIT with delight. I cried.

The hope is back. Its bright. And its amazing....

Us vs. Them

2008-10-31T00:06:00.008-05:00

Yo... lately the Metro letters section has been giving me mad fodder for blogging... or rather the morons who write to the Metro give me fodder. God bless shallow ass gene pools...

This election is about us vs. them

A vote for Obama, the wannabe messiah is a vote for the destruction of the America and its Constitution that mt family fought and died for and yours and a huge transfer of wealth from us to them

Joyce Epperston

**Readers, please note that the lack of syntax, subject -verb agreement, proper punctuation and general coherence is not my mistake... this is what the 'bright crayon in the box' reader of the Metro actually wrote. I commend the Metro on not editing this letter... I love to mock other people's obvious stupidity. **

For those of you not wishing to have to decipher the above letter, allow me to do it for you.

*ahem.. mi mi mi mi mi...inhales*

Voting for Obama means that you hate America and that you are a commie bastard.

Signed,
McCarthyist Elitist F*cktard

Do I really want to spend the time ripping this dipshit a new one? Well, if it weren't for the fact that today was the Phillies Parade, its Halloween, its Friday and I've been partying at work all day... I would. But I just don't care enough.

All I will say is that people like this need to gather themselves on a small island in the middle of the ocean and eat each other for sustenance. Cause you know, they're to be all about survival of the fittest. You know... progressive taxes and social welfare programs are just against all that is holy-- but we the strong will eat the weak.
Cause that's the way the Bible says its supposed to be. I want to keep my family's ill gotten slave trade/war profiteering/stock market gouging wealth for my children. Who will never know hard work, because I accumulated wealth for them. Put the poor's children need to work. Hand outs only breed lazines... in everyone except my kids.

Yeah, up, she needs to drink a big cup of Sit the FUCK DOWN and SHUT THE FUCK UP. Stat.

That's all I have for now, folks.

Happy All Hallow's Eve and GO PHILLIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why Are You So STUPID? OR People Who Are Voting for Nader Are Pretentious Sacks of Sh*t.

2008-10-29T12:43:00.006-05:00

As I was taking my morning ride from Jersey to Philadelphia, I saw something in the Metro that completely enraged me. So much so, that I actually made a calendar appointment for myself to blog it. This is something I never do. While thumbing through the Election ’08 section, I saw this:

Readers’ letters
Media ignoring other candidates
“The press has refused the proper view of candidates who are offering to America and get the power-hungry two major parties out. I am voting for Ralph Nader**, and 100 million non-partisan voters may also vote Nader. You, the media, owe the truth. There are six on the ballot.”
E.O. Ellis, Massachusetts
** I swear it took everything in me not to VOMIT while typing those words.

Now, I don’t have anything against Ralph Nader… except for the fact that he might be able to be accused of being a purposeful spoiler in the 2000 Presidential (S)Election of Bush over Gore. Outside of that, I actually like a lot of his policy ideas. He could probably make an excellent Commander-In-Chief… if he had a snowball’s chance in Hell of getting elected. Which he doesn’t. And this is why people who are going to vote for Nader enrage the hell out of me. Here are the reasons I think people who are going to Vote for Nader, are pretentious sacks of shit. I will start with the above letter as a reference point and spit venom from there

1. Nader didn’t run a national campaign. He never had rallies, press conferences, went to ball games, kissed babies, shook hands, none of it. At least, not on a national scale. Not even a regional scale. That renders this statement: “The press has refused the proper view of candidates who are offering to restore America and get the power-hungry two major parties out.” as complete BUPKISS. If he was truly running for President of the United States, he would have done things on the NATIONAL scale. He would have demanded to be invited to the debates. He would have launched a grassroots (as opposed to a viral) campaign. Hell, even crazy chicken man Ross Perot did that at least. Consequently, he got national coverage. Therefore, this sentence earns E.O. from Ellis, MA a SIT THE FUCK DOWN AND SHUT THE FUCK UP Award.

2. “I am voting for Ralph Nader” Why? Like I said, while Nader is great and has great ideas for change, HE HASN’T GOT A SNOWBALLS CHANCE IN HELL OF WINNING THE GENERAL ELECTION. Even if every registered independent voted for him instead of one of the major party candidates, it still wouldn’t amount to a significant enough number to swing the election his way. So what exactly is your purpose for Voting Nader? Is it a protest vote? Is it a vote on principle? Are you just a pompous dipshit who clings hopelessly to their “high minded individuality”? Give me a fucking break. Your protest vote isn’t going to do anything except take a vote away from candidates who actually have a chance of winning this election and changing the national political scene (trying to be non-partisan here but… OBAMA/ BIDEN ’08!). For all that non-sense, you might as well just stay your silly ass at home and stop clogging up the line for people who really want to vote for change. (Coincidentally, a lot of Nader’s ideas are strikingly similar to the candidate whose name rhymes with yo mama)

3. “…and 100 million non-partisan voters may also vote Nader.” Hmmmm, mighty full of ourselves, aren’t we? Well, actually, I’m just going to go with FUCKING DELUSIONAL… Next!

4. “You, the media, owe the truth. There are six on the ballot.” I don’t know which of these sentences is more preposterous. The statement that the media owes the truth(HA!) or that there are four other presidential candidates that people have actually heard of and care about and have chance of WINNING on the ballot. The media owes truth in theory. However, since they are owned by people who have their own politically skewed views, believing that the media will tell you the complete truth is as naïve as believing that life is fair, or that Santa Claus exists, or that I wouldn’t want to put my foot up the narrow behind of the person who wrote this letter. It also signals to me that people like this are smoke-screening their passive complacency by appearing to be an activist/truth-seeker. If they were really concerned about truth in the media and/or getting the word out there about these candidates, then they would do something more proactive like submitting and op-ed, starting online periodicals or getting out there and speaking their truth. THESE people like make my ass twitch.

If you are one of these mo-mos who plans to vote for Nader, do us ALL a favor and just stay home on Nov. 4th. Please understand that the shenanigans that Nader Voters facilitated in 2000 have not been forgotten. Moreover, if similar tomfoolery happens THIS TIME, the backlash could be nothing short of the country imploding. Also, you might get ONED waiting in line to vote if you don't. Cause you know y'all are just so fucking proud to be voting for Nader, that you will reek of pretention and self-righteousness. And we all know how much people like that are loved.

*inhales*
Okay, I’m done now.

What say you about Vote for Nader-ites?

yep... i did it

2008-10-26T19:58:00.002-05:00

...I bailed. Like a rat deserting a sinking ship...
I made up a lame ass excuse and instead of going to that party I didn't want to go to, I took my ass to the gym. I'm a bad friend. But I feel good about getting my work out on. Comme ci, comme ca. Oh well.

Just wanted to update.... carry on....

Uppity Buppies

2008-10-21T22:09:00.005-05:00

So tomorrow I am committed to go to birthday party for a local black talk radio show host. The reason I am going is because my co-worker/friend really wants to go. She's somewhat self conscious and not very outgoing with people she doesn't know, so she is taking me and some other ladies as her posse. Cool. I have no problem with doing this (other than the fact that I haven't worked out since Sunday and I'm getting angry with myself, because I really should go to the gym instead).

I am, however, ambiguous about attending this event. I guess, what it comes down to is this...this venue is going to be crawling with young, educated, professional uppity ass Black people.... and
Uppity BUPPIES make my ass tired. You may be asking what in the hell that is... you might be nodding your head in agreement... or you might be getting a little pissed at me for calling you out (in which case, just KILL yourself now, because no one will care, you Uppity Ass Muthaf**ker.)

Uppity BUPPIES (Black Urban Professionals) are comprised of two groups. Diva dudes (c) VerySmartBrothas and the broads who are vying for their attention (read: throwing their panties at these bitchass dudes).

I am always apprehensive about hanging out with BUPPIES because, while I technically fall into the group, I generally don't like being around these people. They constantly profile, don't mingle outside their group (unless its to approach the most baggable looking member of the opposite sex, purely for the benefit of your peer group) and are generally unfriendly. Moreover, they reek of ego, pretention and hateration. Yeah, why willingly subject yourself to these people?

Now, not all BUPPIES fall into the Uppity category. Hell, I'm not uppity and neither are my friends. We go out with the intention of having a good time, profiling be damned. But its hard to really cut loose when you feel like everyone else is just... not feeling the vibe. Sucking their teeth, rolling their eyes, holding their drinks just so.... GAWD, get OVER YOURSELVES ALREADY. You ain't that fly. Sorry, but you're not. Now get your ass out here and shake a tail feather like you got some sense! Smile and look like you are a nice person trying to have a good time. Humor me!

*sigh* sometimes i hate being a good friend. i really want to bail. REALLY. I still might... maybe I can contract a little head cold by tomorrow night, or something. If I go, I'm going to need a really strong drink mellow me out.Otherwise i'll just come home mad. And since its my hubbie's birthday, I really would rather not come home with an attitude.

*Happy Birthday to the man that has the perfect beats for my lyrics, is the sun to my moon, and spins me like his favorite record. I love you, Baby*

'you're going to kill the fetus anyway, why not let it go down with the ship?'

2008-10-02T21:15:00.002-05:00

- Nathan Lane playing Albert playing Mrs. Coleman in The Birdcage

The title of this entry is what Albert lane dressed in drag as Mrs. Coleman said about the topic of killing abortion doctors. He suggested killing the mothers to stop them from trying to get abortions instead. He and his partner were trying to impress their son's future in-laws, conservative Sentator Kevin Keely and his wife.

S(he) was going to extremes and not really knowing what she was talking about with abortion, because she was drenched in her role as a 'woman' who was essentially sauced on too much wine at dinner.

Well, I'm not sure if she was sauced tonight, but I would have been if I took a shot of the Crown** if every time Sarah Palin said or did one of the following

-Maverick
-Washington Outsider
-'Well, ya know...'
-Hockey/soccer mom
-Mentioned her 'diverse' family and friends to justify her answers
-changed the topic to something she felt prepared to answer, rather than answering the ACTUAL ISSUE presented by the MODERATOR
-shifted the issue back to something after it was clear the moderator had moved on
-said "I agree with you Joe/Senator Biden"
-got a bit snarkier than necessary
-Mentioned Wasilla
-made a low blow "I have ALWAYS been proud to be an American."

So I want people to riddle me this.... who won tonight?

*psssst.... come here. no, closer. i have a secret. the answer rhymes with snow fiden'*

P.S. I KNOW that Biden was holding back to be fair to her. He could have ripped her a new one. I really wish he would have. REALLY.

**I was supposed to be at a watching party getting sloshed while following the Watching Rules. Crown Royal is my liquor of choice in these matters. Matters meaning when I just want to get good and liquored up.

The Way We Were

2008-10-01T14:13:00.003-05:00

Got dammnit...

So I was on Very Smart Brothas today and the topic was centered around being sprung. For those of you who don't know, I will give you a definition (*not dictionary.com or anything... this is PURE gospel from the mouth of the Sweet One herself

Sprung adj.- when you have had some *aherm* SOOOOO INCREDIBLY GOOD you go to the brink of damn near insanity doing any and everything to get more. It has you so far off kelter that you overlook your normal "relationship dealbreakers" just so you can have access to that good shit. It also has one or both of you spending exorbitant amounts of resources (be it money, time, or your best friend's credibility**) for another hit. Even after you come to your senses and end it (if necessary) you still reminisce and the memories threaten to destroy (or at the very least make you question a TEENSY bit) what you have with your current sexual relations partner (in my case, my husband-- even though he is QUITE talented).

** this is expounded upon in the the following memory... I don't think she's forgiven me for making her LIE to MY MOTHER**

I didn't want to do it, but I will share my SPRUNG story. Let me preface this (though I usually hate qualifying shit) by saying that this person isn't the only one to have me some kind of sprung. Shit, if my hubby didn't have me sprung, ya think I woulda married him? HELLS NO. But THIS fellow..... GATDAMN! My man better work it tonight because... sheeeeit.... *strained breathing*

Gather 'round the story mat... Its time for the Tale of Trans-Atlantic Booty.

Alright, so for my friends who DON'T know that THIS happened, y'all can't forget that I was and still am Queen of the Creep.

It was junior year of college when I met Spiros (his name ALONE... DAMN). To let you know exactly where my interest lay in regards to this man, I vaguely remember that he was a grad student, though I can't tell you which program he was in. The fabulousness of what happened just made me forget that. Its not important anyway.

Spiros was in the U.S. on a student visa from Greece studying... whatever. I met him and his roomate Ryan through one of my BFFs (not the one I made lie to my mom... I'll get to that in a minute). Spiros was sweet, chivalrous and F**KING GORGEOUS. You know the whole Greek Adonis thing... but he totally didn't know he was hot...and that made him hotter. What made him SMOKIN was that he liked li'l ol' me.

We would hang out in the student union, playing pool after dinner when we should have been studying. He was amazingly good at pool and taught me everything I know. People wonder why I kick ass at 8 Ball... he is the reason.

So of course, teaching one how to properly hold the cue stick, line up shots, do trick shots etc. allows for plenty of bodily contact. I cannot tell you how badly I just wanted to throw his ass on the pool table and "do things" right there. But alas, I was not nearly as adventurous then as I am now.

Okay... now to the good stuff. The first time it happened was completely by accident. It was finals week and I had my Anthropology (fufilling a requirement of some sort) final. Said final was my first one before my hard as balls ones for my major classes, so I spent all my time prepping for those and forgot about this one. Lucky for me, Ryan was a TA in that department and had seen the exam. He wasn't going to let me cheat, but he was going to give me 'pointers' on what I should re read.
Ryan offered to let me come over to his and Spiros' apt to help me study. So I went... not looking that cute because, well, it was FINALS. I get to the apt and Ryan isn't there. Apparently, he had to run to the store. That left me and Spiros by our lonesome. We started talking about finals and how much we both had to study blah blah and he offered me a back rub. Shit, he was in like flynn after that. It was a quickie, but DAMN it was a goodie. He had me seeing abstract colors and shapes, speaking words I didn't know I could, alla dat. I decided right then and there that I needed more of this NOW.

For the rest of spring semester, he and I would hook up on the low. Now you should know that hooking up at a PWI when you are Queen of the Creep involves not only being stealthy, but convincing your partner that while the thought is sweet, DON'T send me little notes through campus mail (all my peoples worked at the service center) or act like you like or even know me. Our 'pool lessons' had to stop. I think Ryan found out and was pissed about it, because I think he liked me too.

Well tragedy occurred. Spiros finished his program, graduated and was going back to Greece that summer. I would have to go through my senior year without THAT. Our "last" night together I literally CRIED the entire time. Besides the fact that he brought on the ALL STAR performance, I was going to miss him... and what he could do!

When he saw how upset I was, he held me and then he had a brainstorm. Why don't I come visit him for the summer? I thought this was a GREAT idea! I wanted to do it. PROBLEM... I was supposed to be going to Spain for the summer with my best friend. He was like, go to Spain and then come to Greece. Its a cheap flight and short! So that is EXACTLY what the Sweet One did. I went to Spain with my girl and then told her I was going to make a quick puddle jump to Greece. She knew about my debauchery and was all for it. **enter jeopardzing credibility** Well, during my first 2 day jaunt, my mother called my friend, er, me. She had wanted to talk to me, because she got a credit alert that my card had been used to purchase another plane ticket. My friend LIED TO MY MOTHER for me and told her we were planning to jump to Greece for a short trip.

MOM: "Where is she?"
BFF: "Oh she's still down on the Plaza Mayor. I'll have her call you back."
BFF to ME (in the middle of 'it' with Spiros): "Girl, call your mother NOW. She's got questions about your dumb ass charging that ticket you used to get your Grecian swirl on!"
ME: "Shit! Well, he asked me to come back again. I'll call her... back up whatever story I come up with."
BFF: "You know, God hates you right now... the D betta be worth it." *click*

And that was the beginning....

After I graduated from college (without Spiros, senior year was-- meh), there was a brief 3 week period before I started my tenure with Teach for America. I spent those weeks GETTIN IT IN, in Greece... on his bill. Turned out he got a bomb job, but decided to continue to live at his grandparents house and save money. We came up with an arrangement and for about a year and a half, every other month I would take a long weekend (once a month if there was an ACTUAL school holiday in between my 'scheduled trips') and fly over the big blue to get the pipe properly laid. The alternate months, he would come to the U.S. and I wouldn't leave my apt for 2 days.

Well, this bliss had to end. We were burning up cash and although the booty was good (DAMN GOOD), that was all we really did with each other. We kinda had a really anti-climactic end. We had been talking about trying to make our 'thing' into a real relationship. We even tried for a spell. It wasn't gonna happen. LDR's are hard. Really hard. Throw an ocean and several time zones into the mix. The only times we talked on the phone were to schedule and coordinate trips and then to reminisce about what we had just done. He was really smart, really sweet and was going to make someone a great boyfriend... but it wasn't going to be me. Not for a lack of trying though. I kinda thought I was in love with him. Maybe I was.... or maybe it was just the D.

Silence... Oddly like the screaming of monkeys

2008-09-30T16:17:00.001-05:00

Getting back into reading blogs /wasting “the man’s” time and money coupled with finishing grad school (for now), getting and being happily married (man, sex on demand is a WONDERFUL thing) and essentially just GROWING more as a person has led to this…

I’m BAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!

With more snarky opinions…
With more insight…
With more love and compassion…
With more (and new) GOOD friends…
With more bounce to the ounce…
With more of that stiletto swagger…

Hells yeah, I’m back baby! It’s the Rebel Intellectual comin’atcha LIVE and IN COLOR!

Here I am, you lucky people you…

read me… LOVE ME

p.s. some of my other 'in the meantime' writings will be posted up here as time allows, along with new sh*t.

Christmas Shopping--The Rules of Engagement

2006-12-18T23:06:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I know, its been a minute.... SO SUE ME!

Attempting to complete my holiday shopping reminded me why I HATE SHOPPING AT CHRISTMASTIME. Now, the fact that the phrase "I hate shopping..." (prefaced by ANYTHING) came out of the mouth of a card carrying member of Shop-A-Holics Anonymous means that conditions for engaging in my favorite passtime have become insipidly annoying. Therefore, I feel that as one who holds the activity of shopping in such high regard, I must take this opportunity to provide people with some guidelines (just 5) to make the shopping experience enjoyable and efficient for you, and to keep the people around you from wanting to dig your eyeballs out of your head with a rusted spoon and serve them to you on a lead plate.

1. Have a game plan people. Remember the lyric "He's making a list, checking it twice..." ? Santa is a smart man. He goes in there knowing who he needs to get gifts for and what they want. Since he is the High Holy Priest of All Gift Giving, don't you think you should follow his lead?

2. Map out an efficient route. Whether you are cruising around the mall or going from store to store in your trusty SUV, make sure you know where the heck you want to go. It saves me the aggravation of walking or driving behind you while you are vascillating on which store you need to go to next. That's why they have maps of the mall... USE THEM! Make sure you plan appropriate bathroom and meal breaks....

3. For the love of all that is good in the world, if you are going shopping with small children in tow, please have some method of wrangling those little ankle-biters in. I cannot tell you how many times I have nearly knocked some little cutie pie over with my shopping bag because his parent (usually MOM) is not paying attention and the child is wandering aimlessly about. In addition, this is the season when all manner of things, including children, get stolen. The last thing I want to see is some sobbing parents on the TV talking about "I just looked away for a second...."

4. Please check all items to make sure they have price tags BEFORE YOU GET TO THE REGISTER. Price checks during a regular shopping day are annoying. Multiply that by a long line of weary would-be Santas behind you and a less than jolly sales associate in front of you, and you have a recipe for disaster. SOMEBODY is going to cuss you out... or at least curse at you under their breath...

5. Lastly, I'm not one to tell people how to manage their finances and Lord knows I'm still working on being more fiscally responsible. But seriously, don't go into bankruptcy trying to fulfill the wishes of everyone on your list. I am a huge fan of bargain shopping and I am in the leauge with some of the best (Nechi, I still remember the $4 Gap Jeans!) Cause guess what... those credit card bills will show up in January and all of that holiday cheer will be forgotten under the cloud of $500 minimum payments. Its nice to be Santa... it will be even nicer to be able to eat/drive/pay rent in 2007....

Just some tips to make sure that your holiday shopping is good for you as I hope it will be for me.. if you have any suggestions I may have overlooked, feel free to add...

Happy ChristmaHanuKwanzakah!

Peace and love,
The Retrospect

The Sensenbrenner Bill (HR 4437) and The Fugitive Slave Act: A comparitive study

2006-05-10T15:37:00.000-05:00

So I know that you have been waiting for me to talk about it. You probably wonder what's been taking me so long.

I've been biding my time, taking in everything that has been said (and has not been said) and forming an intellectual opinion rather than a visceral reaction. Also, I'm a full time grad student who works nearly full time running a community program-- you do the math.

So let's talk IMMIGRATION.

At one point I was itching to go on a rant about how on God's blessed Earth the House could have possibly passed such a clearly prejudiced and inhumane bill. A bill that would make undocumented immigrants aggravated felons and criminalize people like me, who work with immigrants-- many whose immigration status is unclear to me. But I didn't.

What I did do was take the time to read the bill and, by virtue of being a MPH candidate, engage in some intellectual discourse about the situation. During one of my many conversations about this, someone said something that set the cherries ringing in my head. The statement was so profound, I was speechless (and those of you who know me know THAT never happens.)

Quite simply she said this: "If you think about it, HR4437 is really not very different from the Fugitive Slave Act of 1850."

She's right.

Think about it carefully... go all the way back to your high school American History Class (I know, its painful for me too). If your school curriculum even covered slavery in any great detail, there was mention of this act as part of the Compromise of 1850.

Breifly stated, after the U.S. obtained the territory that is now California, New Mexico, Utah and Arizona from Mexico, California applied for Statehood. California wanted to be admitted as a Free State, throwing off the balance between so-called Free States and Slave States in America. To appease the Southern Slave States Senator Henry Clay proposed a compromise. Part of this compromise was that escaped or fugitive slaves whether they resided Slave or Free Sates were now considered aggravated felons who were to be captured by the Federal Government who had the right to use local enforcement agencies and deputized citizens with or without their consent to aid in the capture and return of slaves (and free born Blacks-- they made no distinction). The alleged fugitive slaves may or may not receive a trial in which they were not allowed to testify-- only the testimony of the alleged slave owner was admitted to evidence Moreover, anyone who helped a fugitive slave IN ANY WAY was considered to be a criminal to be prosecuted, fined and sent to prison.

The Sensenbrenner Bill HR4437 proposes in broad terminology that immigrants who are undocumented in the United States should be considered aggravated felons. Certain aspects of the language in the bill include using Federal money and agencies to have these people deported back to their country of origin. The Federal Government will be enabled to use local law enforcement, community agencies (with or without their consent) and deputized citizenry to assist in the apprehension and detainment of undocumented immigrants until they can be deported . The undocumented immigrants may or may not receive a trial in which they may or may not be able to testify on their own behalf. Finally, anyone who helps an undocumented immigrant IN ANY WAY is considered to be aiding and abetting a felon-- a criminal act punishable by inprisonment.

Hmmm... part of me wonders if Representative Sensenbrenner just lifted the Fugitive Slave Act from the shelves, dusted it off and replaced "fugitive slave" with "illegal immigrant."

I had the unique opportunity of speaking with a policy advocate who had actually had a meeting with Rep. Sensenbrenner. She told me that he made a statement to the effect of
"I have no problem with immigrants. Except for those Latinos."
Then he caught himself when he realized what he said and who he had said it to. But you know the saying "Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks."

Well, I'm not going to inject any editorial comments on this one. I'm going to leave you to your own intellectual devices. If you think what I wrote above is poppycock and that I'm taking it too far, I suggest you check out these links and read for yourself. Be warned, the legislation is a little dense and you have to 'cut through the mustard' to get the gist of everything. But it is a worthwhile activity.
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/aia/part4/4p2951.html
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/aia/part4/4i3094.html
http://www.nationalcenter.org/FugitiveSlaveAct.html (Sections 5-7)

I leave you with this to ponder.

Given the implications of HR 4437 and the fact that it has already passed in the House and has a pretty decent chance of passing in the Senate, do you think the American government is trying to test the limits of the American Consciousness? Seeing what extremes we will actually put up with? And are we paying attention? Because if they can pass a bill so similar in its root philosophy to the Fugitive Slave Act, what are they going to try and pass right under our noses next?

Some people are disgusting- Public Service Announcement

2006-04-12T17:01:00.000-05:00

THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE REBEL INTELLECTUAL.

For your own health and safety... DO NOT BUY COSMETICS THAT ARE OUT IN THE OPEN AT YOUR LOCAL DRUG STORE. You might be getting more than you bargained for...

I was totally skeeved out by what I witnessed at the drug store last night. So much so that I called my soror in HOUSTON to rant about it (she is the only person who truly understands my randomness-- and my need to vent immediately lest I explode, but I digress).

I stopped by my neighborhood CVS last night to pick up a tube of mascara and a chocolate bunny for my goddaughter (ok... and some for me too... I'm on a MAJOR chocolate bender right now). As I entered the cosmetics aisle I saw a middle aged white woman testing out different lipsticks. Wouldn't have been so disgusted if it weren't for the fact that she was trying them out ON HER LIPS! And it wasn't just a couple of tubes. Much like a train wreck, I wanted to look away, but since I could not, I witnessed her do this with at least 8 different tubes from different manufacturers.

Yeah... disgusting right? Well even more so for me because I am in Public Health. So in my mind, not only am I noting how inherently WRONG her behavior is, but I'm also going through the number of infectious diseases that she could be catching from each tube of lipstick or WORSE what she could be passing along to another unsuspecting consumer.

Here is a BREIF list (see Prevention article for more)

Salmonella
E.coli
Staph infections
Conjunctivitis
Herpes (oral and genital)
http://www.prevention.com/article/0,5778,s1-5-53-146-4961-1,00.html

And if she's got kids and a husband? I'm so sorry for them. Cuz she will be kissing them goodnight.

And people wonder WHY I spend obscene amounts of money at M.A.C and Sephora for my cosmetics.

Because when I buy the shit, it is in a SEALED container in a SEALED box that comes to my hands from a certified cosmetologist from the drawer directly behind the display.

This has been a public service announcement brought to you by The REBEL INTELLECTUAL.

My Personality DNA

2006-04-03T11:23:00.000-05:00

I am a benevolent creator.... :)

My Personal DNA Maps (scroll over the colors to see what they mean)

Benevolent Creator

Who am I?

My Personal Dna Report

This is fun... try it :)

People you can only take in small doses

2006-03-29T15:53:00.000-05:00

I am a people person. The evidence is obvious. I'm gregarious, a shameless flirt, I have friends from all walks of life and I work in a profession where I deal with many different kinds of people every day, and I love it.

However, there are certain people in the world you can only stand in EXTREMELY small doeses. For whatever reason (and it varies from person to person) being in the presence of these people for more than a modicum of time can cause everything from nausea vomiting and hives to a pronounced foul mood--or just make your good day a bad one.

What makes it worse is that these kind of people tend to gravitate towards each other and form groups-- so that they can inflict duress on innocent victims at levels that should be considered akin to criminal corruption.

Case in point-- a particular group of ladies that I have the dubious pleasure of being in graduate school with. These ladies have formed a tight knit circle and had the nerve to give their group one of the most obnoxious names possible (more on that later). While there are members of this group whom I find to be lovely individuals, once they join their herd, it is difficult to tell them apart from their perpetually annoying 'friends'. Therefore, for all intensive purposes, I will be dealing with all of them with the same amount of venom. Sorry ladies, but you are called on the carpet for being "Accessories to Extreme Annoyance."

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present for your condemnation-- The Super 7.

I'm mad that they have the nerve to call themselves "The Super 7." I am sure that it started off innocently and they thought it was cute ('There's seven of us and its pretty super that we are all friends...') but the name seems to have given them carte blanche to be-- well-- irritatingly self- righteous. They seem to think they are the only "normal" ones in our class and and confer a "lackof social skills" judgement upon other people. Apparently, they feel they have cornered the market on being 'the All American Girl' (cue: VOMIT). I recall sitting in class next to one of them during our final presentations and I happened to glance at her laptop. She had the nerve to start ripping another student's presentation to shreds (this person she was criticizing also happens to be someone in the class I am quite friendly with). Then she got up and do her presentation-- I must say, I had to stretch my mind to see the relevance of her selected topic to the class material we had spent the previous 10 weeks covering.

Another one who I am going to call "Her Royal Shallowness" ripped into another girl in the class on her blog (Curse you MySpace!-- Blogging for the WEAK) about not having social skills. Now mind you, "HRS" is quite possibly one of the most shallow, materialistic and generally unpleasant people you will ever meet. When I first encountered her, I thought I had met a kindred spirit when I saw her Coach bag and Kate Spade (faux?) shoes. But then I realized, unlike myself, she has an almost (self admitted) unhealthy obsession with expensive accessories. I like to purchase a nice Coach or Balenciaga (or both) every once in a while , but she's taking it to "Paris Hilton" levels... and I can only assume she has "Paris Hilton" cash to back it up-- or she shops on Canal Street. Otherwise she's got the most fucked up credit in the world.

The rest of them, I don't have an exceptional amount of experience with due to the fact that (thankfully) I've managed to avoid the madness. And like my above disclaimer, some of them are really nice people... ON THEIR OWN. However, the majority of the members of the "Super 7" have managed to say something that "rubs the wrong way" at least once in my presence. And by "rubs the wrong way"I mean that less tolerant people (especially less tolerant African American, Latino and Asian people) would find these comments offensive.

Oh.... did I forget to mention the fact that they are seven privileged WHITE women? Who are completing their Master of Public Health? A career field that leads you to professions where you work mainly with marginalized minority groups who have an inherent distrust of the establishment? I'm sure that they feel so very good about the fact that they are doing an MPH so that they can have a "fulfilling" career and "give back to the community"*snicker* (Damn, I can't say that with a straight face!) -- looking good while do-gooding, I suppose.

Aside: If I hear one more privileged, spoiled little asshole use the phrase "give back to the community" ONE MORE TIME....

I am by no means saying their motives are not pure or that they don't have the best of intentions-- they very well may genuinely give a crap about people besides themselves. What I am saying is that their constant stream of self righteous, judgemental bullshit needs to stop-- and soon.

They could benefit from a serious attitude adjustment. Their future careers depend on it. God forbid I end up working with one or more of them after we graduate, and they are still the same people that they are now. They don't want me to dress them down... they'll find out real quick how "abnormal"I can be and "lack social sklls"-- when I get GHETTO up in there.

My Apologies

2006-03-06T15:16:00.000-05:00

Our President is a liar. He lied about the federal governments knowlege about the destructive potential of Hurricane Katrina( an offense more impeachable than getting sucked off by an intern in the Oval Office by the way) ... there is no mistaking that.

So now, I have to apologize to Michael Brown for being so hard on him about Hurricane Katrina. He took the heat for a 'f**ked up a la Republican on toast' response to the disaster on the Gulf Coast. That's right, he was the fall guy for the government. No wonder he sang like a bird on everyone else involved. He knew he was out anyway, so why not just tell on everyone? I would do the same shit.

So to Michael Brown... I am sorry for sending you up the way I did. It wasn't your fault. You were just doing what they told you to do as a faithful flunkie for our massively ineffective (corrupt) government.

To the f**king morons who voted Bush into office in the first place-- IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT. Sleep with that on your conscience tonight.

The Ghettofication of the Academy Awards/ African American Oscar Nominations: Double Edged Sword?

2006-03-06T12:07:00.000-05:00

I know you have all heard it by now and were just WAITING for me to say something....

As you may or may not know, the Academy tradition is that all the songs nominated for Best Original Song are performed during the awards show, and after the last performance, the award it given.

For those of you who missed the show let me paint the picture for you.

Three-6 Mafia was the last group/artist to perform, and the graced the Oscars with their original song for the film "Hustle &Flow" which was titled "Its Hard Out There for a Pimp". For those of you who don't know who Three-6 Mafia is, they are a Southern rap group with hits such as "Stay Fly." They were introduced by Chris Bridges aka Ludacris (who by the way, looked very dapper that evening. I was very impressed with his overall look). Teraji P. Henson, who starred in "Hustle & Flow" sang the hook (" You know its hard out here for a pimp. Just tryna get that money for the rent.") while dressed in a rather unflattering white "Marylin Monroe Seven Year Itch" knockoff-- someone needed to tell her that she needed to wear a bra or some stickies or something... she was about to fall out of the thing. They had a 'pimped out' set, complete with pimps, hoes, theatrically coreographed and staged street fights and bitches getting the hell slapped out of them by their pimps. Of course, Three -6 Mafia came dressed for the occasion in throwback jerseys, baggy jeans, platinum chains and grills in their mouths.
They got permission to say 'bitch' and 'shit' in the performance of the song.
Interestingly enough, Terrence Howard, who was given the nomination for Best Actor for "Hustle..." was also supposed to perform, but the rumor is that the Black Hollywood Elite 'encouraged' him to sit this one out. And he shonuff did.

Immediately following the performance Academy Award Nominee Dana "Queen Latifah" Owens presented the award for best orignal song... and had the pleasure of handing the Oscar over to..... Three-6 Mafia.

I swear, I thought I was watching the Source Awards.

The best parts... Morgan Freeman's look of COMPLETE mortification, Queen Latifah's inability to contain herself, the Arsenio Hall "woof woof" arm motions from Three-6 Mafia's cheering section in the back, and Three-6 Mafia's acceptance speech which was sprinked with a few expletives.

That whole fiasco just set Black people back 15 years...

Then to add insult to injury, Terrence was nominated for portraying a pimp. Let's look at a few recent Academy nods to Black Actors....

Denzel Washington-- Best Actor-- Played a corrupt cop
Halle Berry-- Best Actress-- Got f**ked by Billy Bob Thornton, buck ass naked

I am noticing a disturbing trend here...

Not that the Academy is all bad or anything. They did give awards to African American actors for playing roles other than being a "unsavory" character but still...

Three-6 Mafia wins the Academy Award for Best Original Song: "Its Hard Out There for a Pimp"....I have lost all respect for the Academy, dammit.

Confusion

2006-02-19T13:31:00.000-05:00

So, its no secret to people who know me understand that I have personally come to despise Valentine's Day. Not only because it is a "holiday" motivated by commercial gain for the chocolate, floral and greeting card industries, but because the day itself holds a special disgusting meaning for me. You see, Valentine's Day would have been my 9 year anniversary with my ex-fiance. Moreover, his birthday just happens to fall on the next day.

Yeah.... those 48 hours SUCKED ASS.

Let's compound the fact that that day reminds me of a broken (in more ways than one) relationship... it also marked 6 months since I had been laid.... well... not exactly. It had been 6 months since I was laid-- WELL. Bad sex never counts.

A lot of people don't understand why I don't get as much ass as they think I should. To them, an attractive, intelligent woman who is especially fond of sports and kung fu movies shoud have the guys beating down my door. Correct? Well its not so. And its not so for many of my other attractive friends.

So I need some guys to weigh in on this.

Why are the girls you all claim to want, the same ones who are sitting at home alone (or together) on many Friday nights ?

One particularly not so intelligent male associate of mine (who I keep around because he's eye candy, but I repeatedly tell him to shut his yap and just look pretty) observed that I don't go to bars and clubs and that's where the guys are. "Very good, boy! You want a treat? Yes you do!" Of course I don't frequent bars and clubs. Doing that is called "Trolling for Ass."Guys who go to bars and clubs are "coochie-hunting." They're not looking for a girlfriend, they're looking for a quick lay. And after about 7 or so beers, it really doesn't matter how she looks or if she can form a coherent sentence. Hell, it especially doesn't matter if she has any skills in the sack. You're too drunk to care anyway. How are you supposed to get to know someone with music blaring in your ear so loud that the bartender can barely hear your order? But we are going to discuss the current political issues of the day, our careers and make a dinner date for Thursday. PUH-LEEZE.

Another guy friend of mine (who I love to death) said that I might appear to be too independent and empowered. I scare 'em off.

What do guys have against women who can take care of themselves? I drive a nice car, I have a nice home, I dress well, my hair is always done, my bills are paid... and this is a BAD thing? I don't get it.
Just because I'm able to take care of myself, doesn't mean that I wouldn't like to be spoiled every once in a while. I guess the issue is that he won't be able to use it as a bagaining chip later. I've had this happen. The whole "I-bought- you- dinner, you- have- to- sleep- with- me- now" thing, or any variation thereof. I understand why guys think this works. There are some sorry ass women out there who let men get away with it. So if she would go for it, why shouldn't I? If I don't, then I'm a stuck up princess or worse-- a bitch.

On the TODAY show the other day I saw a segment in which a psychology professor had conduced as study that basically came to the conclusion that the more intelligent a woman is, the less likely she is to be able to get married, and that's not for a lack of trying. Apparently men are scared of women who could potentially be smarter than them. I SERIOUSLY HOPE THAT THIS IS COMPLETELY FALSE. Otherwise, that's just SAD guys...

My female friends and associates are completely dumbfounded. We just aren't sure what is going on. I think there is definite value in the male point of view to help figure this out. Consider it a public service, guys. You will be helping hundreds if not thousands of women figure out what is the reason for their current predicament, and what we can do to change it..

Or if I can appeal to your baser motives... a lot of us haven't been laid in a while. Consider this a veritable BUFFET....

CPT

2006-01-26T19:36:00.000-05:00

So... its my dad's birthday and I'm sitting in our favorite restaurant on someone elses wireless internet (yes, I know... piracy) WAITING FOR MY PARENTS TO ARRIVE.

CPT is a bitch... especially when you are hungry and sitting in your favorite restuarant-- NOT EATING.

Oh, I apologize to the non-coloreds reading this... CPT stands for Colored People's Time.
It is the phenonmenon in which people of non-caucasian descent are simply not able to be on time for scheduled appointments, parties, or even work. Its an inborn programming that dates back to African culture.

In Ghana where my parents are from, when someone invites you over, or you have an event to attend and the host/hostess says 7:00 you inherently know that they mean 9:00 and plan your departure accordingly. Otherwise, you will be sitting there while the DJ is setting up,the food is still on the stove and the host is still in the shower. Case in point-- my parents went to an African wedding in DC a couple of years ago. The invitations said 3:00 PM. The processional didn't start until 4:30 and the bride didn't walk down the asile until 5:15. Now mind you, it was a garden wedding, in July.... yes, that means people were sitting in the hot sun and the bride was 2 HOURS LATE TO HER OWN WEDDING.

Better yet... how about the 1st birthday party for my nephew, Tyrae... THAT STARTED AFTER THE BABY HAD GONE TO SLEEP-- AT MIDNIGHT.

However, this isn't just an African phenomenon... I've witnessed this in my Latino and API friends as well... we just can't be on time!

(I'm mad that I've had enough time to type all of this and my parents STILL aren't here. The host is giving me that "I'm about to cancel your reservation" look... )

Well... looky here... They just walked in. That means its dinner time! PEACE!

All I Want for Christmas...

2005-12-06T00:31:00.000-05:00

An amusing conversation between me and my friend Ty, one of my many gay boyfriends...man he would be the perfect gift... if he was straight...

Ty: "What do you want for Christmas?"

Me: "A man who is intelligent, sensitive, caring, affectionate, educated and on the path to success and establishing himself. He will be a good father, a great husband and an amazing lover. He will have the spritual grounding and inherent manhood to protect and lead a family. Let me find that gift wrapped under my tree."

Ty: " Girl, you need to build a man like that. You should have told me this in 1998 so that I could have started construction on him. Now you gotta wait till 2012."

Me: *sigh* "Dammit. (pause) Well in that case, someting shiny from Tiffany's..."

The Current State of Hip Hop-- Why I Am DISTURBED: Part 2

2005-11-29T10:35:00.000-05:00

So hopefully you've had a chance to ruminate and perhaps even look up some of the songs that I chose as examples of the STEEP decline of hip hop music in America. Well, I should say mainstream hip hop because there are plenty of underground and not-so-underground hip hop artists that are still artists and express incisive and relevant social commentary with tongues as sharp as double edged swords. More on them later... first, I need to lacerate my chosen vitims and crow over their bloodied and mutilated "bodies" if you will.

Let's proceed in order shall we?

Laffy Taffy- MY DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN, THEY WILL GIVE ANYONE A RECORD DEAL. You don't even have to be able to produce a complete, let alone coherent thought to be able to make a song and get it into heavy rotation. The whole 3+ minutes of this "destined to be a classic" song is a string of half- assed, half constructed, gramatically and linguistically disconnected... just... SHIT that talks about a woman's "assets". Even the DJ on the radio was like 'Damn, y'all like any song, don't you?' I can't even think about it anymore-- Every second longer I think about it, I feel my brain cells beginning to rebel.

"Here We Go" by Trina- Many of you may not know this but before she joined Slip 'N Slide Records as the "Queen of Miami" (HUGE double entendre there, since Miami is populated by a lot of queens... Drag Queens, that is) Trina was a relatively normal, non descript real estate agent. Then she met Trick Daddy... and it was all down hill from there. The classic first single you will remember her on is "Shut Up" whose lyrics are echoed in her newest piece of bovine filth-- "Here We Go". They were eloquent then, and they resonate with the soul even now **snicker, giggle, guffaw*...DAMMIT, I knew I couldn't say that with a straight face. I don't know why I even try...
The fact of the matter is that, as we will see with many of the songs heretofore, it is the BEAT that sells the songs... And she had the BALLS OUT NERVE to use Force MD's "Tender Love" to talk about her man cheating on her. This was my cousin's wedding song for crying out loud! I think she was going for irony... she missed the mark. BIGTIME. It just sounds stupid. (I remember when I first heard the song on the radio. I was so excited to hear the 80's R&B classic and damn near crashed into the car in front of me when I heard her voice and what she was saying. I couldn't believe it. I called the radio station and was like "What the f**k?") I dare you to listen to the vocals of this song without the production and not vomit...or at the very least feel mildly constipated. I think the saddest part is that an entire generation who never heard the original song is going to completely miss the beauty of it, ecause she mauled it into something ugly and mean.

" Oh I Think They Like Me" by Dem Franchise Boys- Admittedly, this song is a bit of a guilty pleasure for me. When I go out dancing and it comes on, I find the nearest boy and work him out. Because of the beat. Its hot. The lyrics.... are not. Correction: most are not. Da Brat and Bow-Wow who guest appear on this record actually do a good job. However, Da Brat is a lyricist. She knows what the hell she is doing on an album (see: Funkdafied). Bow-Wow could stand to sharpen his skills a little, and become more well read, but he has potential. He's young, fearless and has the potential to be dangerous if you put some education into his hands. Something like Kanye West/Andre 3000 with some 'booty bounce' thrown in so that it will get played in the club. BUT the rest of 'em... go back to wherever you came from with that nonsense and stay there. And don't EVEN get me started on Jermaine Dupree. I'm still trying to figure out how he managed to land Janet Jackson... maybe he really is a 'cunning linguist'...

"Run (Cum) Girl"- When did radio get so bold? I heard the unedited version when I was out one night and damn near fell out. I mean... just... wow. BOLD. The song is basically dirty talk. Don't get me wrong, dirty talk turns me on. But not when my 8 year old neice is spewing it out of her mouth. And since it is in HEAVY rotation on the radio, I see 5 year olds that are reciting the lyrics... and don't even know their ABC's yet. That's not cute. Its SAD.
Also, if you are going to make a song like that, fool me into thinking I might actually want to screw you. Be seductive.... not sexual. Guys who are blatantly sexual in their every day discussion, or when they are rapping generally are the ones who will think they've rocked my world until they look over and see that I was reading a book the whole time.

"I'm Sprung" by T-Pain- All I have to say is "ewww." He tried to be like Roger Troutman and Keith Sweat at the same time and managed to just f**k the whole thing up. Regardless of whether or not you like Roger Troutman or Keith Sweat (or even know who they are) you must realize that they are untouchable and that trying to imitate them, with a whack song no less, will make you look like a fool.

"I Should Have Cheated" by Keisha Cole- Ok... promotion of the spread of STDs? Thank you soooo much. No, you shouldn't have cheated. You should have confronted his insecurity about your relationship like and adult and talked about it. I run a teen mentoring program where the girls love this song and have started spewing this kind of farcical thinking about relationships as if it was gospel truth. This is why everyone claims the youth of America are in danger-- they listen to this type of crap all the time. It only takes 7 exposures for something to work its way into your character unconsciously. This song is in heavy rotation on 4 major radio stations. And they wonder why teen STD and HIV rates are through the f**king roof. This chick comes onto the scene with this song... what the hell happened to her in her life? Also, when was the last time she went to see the gyno? She should work on that.

Well, I anxiously await your comments and feedback. I'm dying to know what you all think. There will be a part three that is currently in the works.... until I get there, I encourage you take a journey through underground hip hop and neo-soul. There you will find people who are actually talking about things that matter in this world.
To help you out here are some artists worth checking out:

Angie Stone
Amel Larrieux
Guru
John Legend
Choclair
Aceyalone
Jazzyfatnasties
Floetry
Leela James
Jaguar Wright
Jill Scott
Little Brother
Outkast
Dilated Peoples
Mos Def
Talib Kweli
The Roots
Black Eyed Peas
Nas
... the list goes on and on and on....

The Current State of Hip Hop-- Why I am DISTURBED: Part 1-- The Prelude

2005-11-28T23:53:00.000-05:00

Ok... the current state of hip hop is... vomit inducing at best. To prove my point, a sampling of the songs that get the most airplay (since I hear them 12 times a day)

"Laffy Taffy"
Lyric of note: "I wanna duh nah nah, cuz you so thick... girl shake that laffy taffy..."

"Here We Go Again" by Trina
Done over the instrumental to "Tender Love", the classic 80's love song
Lyric of note: "Sounds like blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, I'm like 'Ok, uh huh, wassup, SHUT UP!"

"Oh I Think They Like Me" by Jermaine Dupree
Lyric of note: "Oh I think they like me cuz they heard me on the other one, so its only right that I hit you with another one."

"Run(Cum) Girl"
Just a nasty song... and the guy who raps has the nerve to NOT BE CUTE!
"Run (cum) girl, I'm tryna get your body (p***y) wet. Work that, let me see you drip sweat."

"I'm Sprung"
A whining song that tries to be like Keith Sweat and FAILS miserably
Lyric of note: "Now I'm feelin kinda lonely, on top of that I'm pretty horny." (At least he's honest)

"I Should Have Cheated"
A very poorly written song that promotes the spread of STD's
Lyric of note: "I might as well have cheated on you, as much as you accuse me of cheating."

Since its late and I have to be in class tomorrow morning, I'm going to let you ruminate upon the above sampling of songs, look up lyrics, correct and fill in the blanks if you like or leave comments.
Then I will return with a vengeance to deliver an incisive, perhaps mean, and definitely venom filled commentary later....

For now, I bid you adieu.

It Ain't My Fault

2005-09-27T17:31:00.000-05:00

For all of you who know the song by Mystikal (It Ain't My Fault), it should be playing in your head right now. Former FEMA director Micheal Brown's testimony to the Congressional Committee invesitgating the government failure in response to Hurricane Katrina said that all members involved in the response should share the blame... except himself of course. His arguments ranged from his requisitions for improved response equipment being sent to the chopping block by Homeland Security down to Gov. Blanco and Mayor Nagin's inability to sit down at a table together and talk despite their "differences" to blaming the President himself for ignoring his "concerns that this was going to be a big one."
In that case, for all intensive purposes, I suppose he was vacationing in Tahiti when Hurricane Katrina devastated the Gulf Coast. It seems to me, from his standpoint, that he wasn't even there.

Well, he does admit one personal failing. "My biggest mistake was not realizing by Saturday night that Louisiana was dysfunctional." Ummmm... ok... so what? True, Louisiana may have been dysfunctional. Perhaps their commmunication and evacuation plans were not up to snuff. That their disaster security protocols were a little ill prepared. Then isn't it the governement's role to shore up those areas so that people don't die? Not according to Brown. "Those aren't FEMA roles." I guess that's the kind of response you would expect from someone who LIED on his resume and used CRONYISM to get his job. Why should he know what FEMA is supposed to do if he's never done the job before.

And by the way, let's not talk about saying he did his job last year during hurrican season. Let us not forget 3 things:

1. It was an election year.
2. Florida belongs to the President's baby brother Jeb, and
3. Many people whose homes were damaged by hurricanes are to this day being low-balled by FEMA for funds to repair their homes.

But I digress...

Pardon me, but I thought FEMA stood for Federal Emergency MANAGEMENT Agency. All of those responsbilities that he said should not have deferred to FEMA are part of EMERGENCY MANAGEMENT. If they failed at the local level, government should be able to step in with a plan, developed AHEAD OF TIME to prevent complete and total chaos. Otherwise, what the heck do they do over there all the time? Play Tiddly- Winks? Or maybe its the $1,300 lunches on our tax money... *shrug* who knows?

Governement did screw up on all levels... this is true. But placing blame instead of placing resources, arguments over "juris-my-DICtion" bulls**t, and at the end of the day saying "but it was a HURRICANE!" is not going to save lives or prevent the same thing from happening again.
A responsible ADULT and LEADER would have said "Yes, its true, there were screw ups all over and we had our fair share. For that, I sincerely apologize and we are working to make it right." The American people deserve at least that.

Micheal Brown... you should be ashamed yourself.

The Other America... I know I said I'd leave it alone...

2005-09-13T13:13:00.000-05:00

...But its MY blog, dammit, and I can reopen a dialogue if I feel like it. And I do.

Awesome Newsweek Article here:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9287641/

For as long as this link is active, you can read this article that echoes what I've been saying in recent weeks. Namely that Hurrican Katrina, while catastrophic and heart breaking, was a necessary evil. She put a mangifying glass over issues that have been present in America that no one has wanted to talk about for quite some time. Well, they're talking about it now.

And since the "president's" approval ratings are so low, this would present an excellent opportunity for him to create more for his legacy than this useless war.(Oops, did I say "useless war" out loud? My bad. Damn this truth/venom spewing tounge of mine!) It would also save him from bearing the windfall of his mother's statement, made during her visit to the Houston Astrodome.

"So many of the people in the arenas here, you know, were underprivileged anyway. So this (living in the Astrodome with 10,000 of their closest friends) is working very well for them."

I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and attribute this statement to her impending senility-- unless she's just really that ignorant.

Just some friendly and free political advice for our "leader."

Photo credit: Newsweek

Response and Closing

2005-09-07T12:02:00.000-05:00

Point well taken "Me Again." Everything is NOT about racism. You are absolutely correct in that respect

Sometimes it just sucks to be poor. In some cases, being poor is worse than being of another heritage. In this world, it is DANGEROUS to be poor. Lack of access to adequate healthcare, preventative medicine, education, safe housing... the list goes on. So if you want to let the race issue go, that's fine with me. But there is no denying the fact that most of the people in the affected areas are not as affluent as other people in this country. The South in general is disproportionately poor compared with the rest of the country. Not just the people... the state governments have far smaller budgets than some northern and midwest states of comparable population size. In fact, its widely known that Mississippi has the unfortunate honor of being per capita, the poorest state in the Union.

There are so many factors that play into this that its hard to isolate and issue and point a finger of blame at someone or a particular group. However, its a little difficult to ignore the fact that these people overall contribute less to the national budget than other states. In fact, I remember last summer when Florida was pummeled by 4 hurricanes that people in the North were up in arms that FEMA disproportionately benefits the South, which overall contributes less to the fund.

All I can say is that it takes a catastrophe like this to place a magnifying glass on the issues and problems that we all know exist, but have been swept under the rug and forgotten. For instance, people in Philadelphia, my home town are OUTRAGED that Mayor John Street is offering temporary to permanent housing, health and economic relief for 1000 displaced families from New Orleans. The reason? They claim that he has ignored the issue of homeless people in Philly for his entire administration, but is willing to extend services to people who aren't Philadelphians.

That is a prime example of what I'm talking about. No one really seemed to want to put a spotlight on that until Philly decided to accept survivors from New Orleans. No one wants to talk about how majority of the people who were victims of the governments slow relief response were in fact poor blacks, asians, latinos and whites. No on wants to talk about how New Orleans was set up for disaster by blocking legislation and not issuing evacuation orders early enough to get the people out who could not do so for themselves.

But I'm going to stop talking about the negative. While the government failed, the American people succeeded. The moving response has been amazing and it gives me hope by reminding me that above all the issues, people really are good at heart. And that's what matters the most.

I'm now closing the dialogue in terms of responding to comments on the recent posts. If you want to continue posting comments, I will continue to read them.

Battle of Wits... Unfair advantage to ME.

2005-09-06T11:05:00.000-05:00

Thank you to the two people who left such articulate comments on my most recent post. I have one word of admonition however: before you challenge me on a topic upon which I hold a degree in, read up on the subject. I do not engage in battles of wit with those who come ill prepared. Its too easy to tromp over you like a mealyworm in my front yard. However, I'm at work, between meetings and slightly bored.... so....

To commenter number one: prejudice and racism are 2 different things. Prejudice is an adverse judgment or opinion formed beforehand or without knowledge or examination of the facts. Racism is discriminatory or abusive behavior towards members of another race. While it is true that many black people may be prejudiced against whites, they are incapable if being racists. How you ask? In order to excercise racism, you must be a member of a group of people that has control of a majority of a region's resources and are therefore able to withold access to those resources from other groups. Since, to my knowledge, black people do not absolutely control access to ANY socioeconomic resources in America ( you could argue sports and entertainement, but COME ON... like those two areas actually MATTER), they CANNOT by definition, be racist. I'm sorry you are having trouble accepting your sordid heritage but every group has ancestors that have done things to be ashamed of. White people have just managed to continue to profit off of it for hundreds of years AFTER the fact. NOW THAT'S SKILL.

To commenter number two: I think its time to face the ugly truth. If it weren't about racism, then the following facts would not be true. The levee broke on Tuesday (Monday night if you want to get technical) sure. The section of the levee that broke is in the 9th Ward which is (GASP) the PROJECTS. If you look back over the legislative history of the past 3 years in New Orleans, the Bush administration you so proudly defend VETOED legislation that would have:

1. made the funds available for the Army Corps of Engineers to employ more people who would have had the task of examining the structural integrity of the levees which were falling into disrepair and
2. provided the funding for them to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT... like augmenting the system so that they could stand up to storms stronger than a category 3... but let's not get to technical with design flaws... I digress...

"But, since New Orleans is a Demoratic stronghold in the Republican South, why bother saving those poor Black (and White!) wannabe Yankee Blue Staters anyway? They didn't vote for me."

Alright.... I'm bored with lacerating the two of you. Have a nice day ;)

Addendum to Aftermath--2

2005-09-02T19:04:00.000-05:00

I was aggravated to hear a black reporter say the following...

"America is a fast food nation and we want what we want when we want it. The people in 3rd world countries often fare better in natural disasters, because they are more accustomed to having to wait for aid than Americans."

Give me a break. Give me a freakin' break!

Newsflash: THIS IS AMERICA!

The whole reason why we're not used to things like waiting for aid and rescue is because we shouldn't have to. This is the reason we pay taxes, we encourage people to join the National Guard, that we have organizations like FEMA. We trust that if we are law abiding, tax paying citizens, that in our time of need, our government will come to our aid.
That is the very reason why people in third world nations break their necks trying to buffet unjust immigration policies to settle here. It is the hope of a better life, of a government that will take care of its own before looking outside or to its own interests.

Unfortunately, this is not the case. If you're poor and black that is. And yes... I am going to harp on the race issue because every other international news agency is not shying away from it. Only American news agencies are scared to inject the race issue and raise the difficult questions. But you can't ignore it. You cannot. Can you imagine if this disaster struck Martha's Vineyard? The Hamptons? Would the fine residents of those cities be waiting for 5 days to be rescued from rising flood waters? I don't think so.

What do you all think?

The Aftermath...2

2005-09-02T14:24:00.000-05:00

I'm moving beyond hearbreak to sheer and unadulterated rage right now. I'm not the only one who is angry, but since I have a forum for expression, I'm going to use it, dammit. I'm sitting here (supposedly working from home) watching our illustrious "President" touring the disaster stricken area.

I'm SO PISSED, SO FRUSTRATED THAT I'M MOVED TO TEARS... you will have to forgive me if I blather on.

It SICKENS me that this country has the money to spend $50 million per day in Iraq on a war that is not supported by at least half of the population is JUST NOW sending relief convoys of National Guardsmen, food, water and supplies to striken New Orleans. That the lawmakers of the United States wonder if they will be able to pay for the repairs and relief neded by the region. That they are letting people die in the floodwaters to ease the burden of the rescue effort. It has been fully 4 days since Hurricane Katrina tore through the Gulf Coast and people who have been trapped on the roofs or in the attics of their homes are just now beginning to see signs of rescue. Are you kidding me? This is America? This is the country that takes 1/3 of my income in taxes? This is what I'm paying for? UNACCETABLE. Every single person in this country should be completely OUTRAGED.

But as much as it sickens me... it does not surprise me. Let us look at the facts, shall we?

New Orleans is a southern city where 2/3 of the population is poor and Black. The mayor of New Orleans is a Black man. Majority of the people who were left in the city were the elderly, indigent, poor and infirmed. They had NO WAY of being able to evacuate, or were unwilling to leave behind relatives for whom the journey would have meant sickness or death. When you look at the images on the nightly news, you can hardly believe that its America you are looking at.

The leader of this country just arrived today in Biloxi, Mississippi to survey the devastation. TODAY.... 4 days later. The people of that region are in a desperate situation and he just arrived today. Some say he has alread seen the devastation, but and aerial survey from the comfort and safety of Air Force One doesn't seem to count to me. He should have been there days earlier. Even more so, there should have been a federally mandated evacuation ordered when there was even the slightest chance that a Category 5 hurricane was heading toward a city that is boardered by water on 3 sides and sits below sea level. Even if the storm had missed entirely, the cost of evacuation will be exceeded by leaps and bounds by the human cost we are going to incurr.

New Orleans is now a public health nightmare. Look at it from whatever angle you wish. Those floodwaters are a petri dish of waterborne illnesses like cholera and dysentery, amplified by the presence of the decaying dead. There is not adequate water, food or emergency healthcare. The average temperature in New Orleans for the last week has been 90 degrees with 75% humidity, which will lead to heat exhaustion. Perhaps the saddest situation is that the youngest victims, newborn and premature babies trapped in waterlogged hospitals could die, before they even have a chance to live

Meanwhile "President" Bush is down there listening to these disaster stricken families cling to him and tell their stories, surrounded by the press like this is damn a photo op. When I saw that today on the news, it took all I had in me not to vomit.

Part of my outrage is personal in nature. I have friends who are desperately seeking their family members and fearing the worst. They are wondering aloud to me why something isn't being done faster. Why are they relying on Houston's Astrodome and Relient Center (which by the way can only hold about 40,000 people between the two of them) for shelters? Why wasn't there a more effective plan in place for this inevitability? WHY DID THEY SEEM TO HAVE THE ABILITY TO AIRLIFT DOLPHINS FROM THE AQUARIUM TO OUT TO FLORIDA, YET PEOPLE ARE STILL STRANDED IN THE CITY? WHERE ARE THIS COUNTRY'S PRIORITIES?

As the people of New Orleans, and indeed the rest of the nation wonder what is coming next for the Crescent City. Will they ever be able to rebuild? Will the Big Easy ever be easy again? Or will this jewel of the south, and its people, be wiped from the face of the country forever?

The Aftermath

2005-09-01T16:25:00.000-05:00

My heart goes out to everyone on the Gulf Coast who is suffering through the misery left by Hurricane Katrina. This shows what kind of fury God's earth can unleash. I heard one forcaster say during the hours before the hurricane made landfall that if New Orleans took a direct hit, the city would never be the same. I thought it was a hyperbolic statement at the time; the news has a tendency to overblow things for the sake of ratings. However, watching the devastation... its true. The city of New Orleans as we knew it will never exist again. I visited New Orleans once before and hung out in the French Quarter and the Garden District. I had a fabulous time with my friends and soaked up the beauty and history the city had to offer. I breaks my heart knowing that when we are able to travel to the Big Easy again, its quite possible that many of the places where I have fond memories will no longer exist. What hurts my heart even more is that the people who live down there... their lives have been destroyed. Their homes, possessions and memories have been washed away. Who's to say how many will actually return? Will the city of New Orleans return to its former glory? Will they even think to rebuild in the same risky location? Think about it... who thought it was a good idea to build a city below sea level in a bowl shaped depression between massive Lake Ponchartrain , the Mississippi River and the Gulf of Mexico? Didn't someone think that one day, something like this was going to happen? They know now that its very possible that it could happen again. In my true nerdy fashion, I looked into some almanac weather forecasts. Apparently, this episode, not to mention Florida's devastating hurricane season last year, is just the beginning of an active hurricane trend that could last anywhere from the next 8 to 35 years! I truly think that the risks should be weighed when considering rebuilding New Orleans. If there is anyway to move the city to a safer location in the area (say, above sea level) that option should be explored. Relying on a system of levees to protect them obviously did not work. Its time for an engineering miracle to emerge from the nightmare.

I'm praying for the people down there... in particular:

Bunchie- my friend Nechi's grandmother
Teach for America- New Orleans Corps Members
Daniel Konecky and Family

I'm planning to help in any way I can. Our local news station KYW-3 on CBS is sponsoring a telethon in conjuction with The Red Cross. It called Operation Brotherly Love (yay Philly!)
The link to that website is in the title of this post and below. Its a small way to help, but if everyone does a little, the results will be great.

http://www.kyw.com/

2 Fer!

2005-08-18T21:45:00.000-05:00

Yay for me!!!
I am on my way to bigger and better things! YAY!!
Yesterday I was offered a position at the Southwest Community Center in Philadelphia as the Program Director for the Teen Mentoring Program. Part time hours and full time pay... no benefits, but I'm young and healthy...

And... I just got into graduate school at Drexel University's School of Public Health. I'll be studying epidemiology and biostatistics in hopes of working with the AIDS crisis in Sub-Saharan Africa.

All this good news to share.... LOVE ME!! Just an update... wish me luck!

2005-07-18T17:14:00.000-05:00

Thine eyes have just seen the glory....

Journeys In Verse

2005-07-15T20:05:00.000-05:00

Alright...
My public has been asking and I am now going to oblige. People have been asking to have access to my poetry, particularly since I'm not performing much of my spoken word lately. Between work and school, I can barely spend time with loved ones, so unfortunately, my craft has slipped from a place of priority.
To remedy this and appease my restless spirit,
This page is dedicated to all those who believed.
Believed in my talent as writer...
Believed in my talent as a performer...
Believed that I had a God given gift with words...
Believed that it was worth giving up a Friday night to support me on stage...
Believed that not pursuing my writing was folly...
For all those who believed in me...
THANK YOU.
Peace and blessings...

TO GET TO THE POETRY EITHER CLICK ON THE TITLE OF THIS POSTING OR CLICK ON THE LINK BELOW

http://journeysinverse.blogspot.com/

Who IS this VAPID WHORE and why should we CARE?

2005-07-06T19:14:00.000-05:00

Alright... I have reached critical mass concerning dealing with psudo-celebrity bulls**t. The newest "wanna- be- famous" ass to become a blip on my radar screen... Karrine "Superhead" Seffans (No, I will not desecrate my page with a link to her site... Google her yourself, dammit).

"Who?" You may ask. That is EXACTLY my point.

It seems that this chick's claim to fame is scandalous at best... sordid in truth.

You may have seen this 'lovely lady' grace such cinematic heavyweight pieces such as Mystikal's "Shake It Fast" video (now there's someone who can launch your 'career'), numerous Jay-Z videos (each one distincitve in their own right) and the boxoffice smash "A Man Apart" starring alongside Ice T and Larenz Tate.
But the above listed credits are not her preferred modus operandum toward garnering fame and fortune.
No, no... she is more commonly known among her friends (clients) as SUPERHEAD. No, this name does not suggest and amazing intellect and acadmic prowess (though she claims to have been blessed with both in addition to 'stunning beauty'). Rather, the name suggests exactly the not so innocent behavior you are thinking about. You naughty thing you. ;)

It seems this girl's claim to fame is that she has been invovled in many sordid sexual trysts with many promintent members of the hip-hop community and Hollywood celebrities. Seems she's left her lipstick print on the underwear of everyone whose video she has appeared in, certain Hollywood playboys and some players in the NBA. Yeesh!

Apparently, the lovely Karrine has come out with a tell all book exposing every dirty, nasty detail. Talk about kissing and telling.... hmmm... more like f**king and telling... EVERYBODY. In the whole world. I hope Usher has his lawyer ready... and has been to the clinic for a check up. She was apparently his "Christmas Present" from a member of that pointless group of people that follow him around... you know, the ever important entourage.
I can hear Usher now..."Yo Dawg! Good lookin out! Thanks for the case of herpes!" Actually, she writes that every time she and Usher hit the sheets, he used a condom. Well at least he knew he was bangin' a skank whore. Or as one person put it "the most delightfully well used orfice in hip-hop and Hollywood."

In addition, this "Sperm Depository" is going to make money off of selling the rights to her book for a movie deal. So I guess now she can be classified as a "high class" whore. Maybe we can even upgrade her status to prostitute. It took a little while and a few thousand "tricks," but she's finally going to get paid for all of her hard work.
My major concern about all of this is the fact that she has a 6 year old son. What are the repercussions of mommy dearest revealing all of her dirt to the world going to be for this young man? This ignorant boob has failed to consider the fact that her son is most likely going to be tormented with comments like "I heard your mommy f**ked P.Diddy... and Jay-Z.... and Jadakiss... you're mommy is a ho." Sadly, its the truth. And one way or another, its going to hurt him. Look out future leaders of America... you may have a sexual preditor on your hands in years to come.

Oh, and apparently, she is in a "very satisfying" relationship with none other than Bill Maher. YIKES! Billy Boy, have yourself tested for every STD known to man, ape and swine IMMEDIATELY!!!!

What is the world coming to... Vapid Whores having attention paid to them for being... well... WHORES.

I've spent enough time lacerating this B***H. She deserves no more of my precious time.

This time-- I AM A HATER... AND PROUD OF IT.

Wouldn't Take Nothing for My Journey Now..

2005-06-14T18:59:00.000-05:00

Hi Good People...

Its me again, just giving you the quick n' dirty update on ya girl. Well, I'm still "jobless" but very happy. I'm not unemployed (doing temporary contract work) but as my wonderful Godfather put it, I'm in a time of "transition." Having decided that corporate America is NOT my cup of tea, I'm heading back to my education roots. There's still a lot of politics there, but at least you can self-medicate against realizing that reality by telling yourself "I'm doing this for the children (greater good, society, etc.)" Anyway, I'm waiting for a couple of offers to pan out and in the mean time, focusing on getting myself into grad school. For what, you may ask? Public Health. Yes, my roots are deeply grounded in public service and since I've always been a bit --ok, a lot--of a science nerd (ask anyone who's been around me for 5 minutes; I've probably told them the exact chemical composition of their meal, shampoo or spit by then) I figured that PH would be a great career move. With the gentle prodding of my overbearing yet well meaning mother of course.

I'm totally excited about it and can't wait to start.

Relationships... I have discovered that I don't stay single for very long. Its not like I go out looking for a man. They just seem to fall in my lap. Maybe its the universe paying me back for having to be painfully single throughout high school and a significant portion of college. Let's just say he's wonderful (so far) and I'm VERY happy. Truth be told, there could be wedding bells in the future with this one. We'll see...

All in all, I am at peace. I feel like my journey is being directed by God and therefore I am fearless. Ok, maybe not fearless, but worries about the future have stopped keeping me up at night. And that is a DEFINITE improvement from 3 months ago.

Like my Godmother said to me a long time ago "My dearest, you are destined for Greatness."

That's my new mantra these days, and boy is it powerful.

Peace and Love